30 Things My Ideal Boyfriend Would Do (In No Particular Order)

  1. Bring me soup when I’m sick.
  2. Hold my hand when it’s cold.
  3. Hold my hand even when it’s warm out because you know I have poor circulation.
  4. Hold the umbrella. Especially when it’s extra windy because the inside out umbrella thing is not a good look.

Explain to me the rules (and point) of football sans the condescending attitude.

  • Find the perfect shape when our bodies find each other in the middle of the night. We’ll fit like puzzle pieces.
  • Speaking of puzzles, don’t get angry when I get really amped to start a 1000 piece puzzle and then get bored within 5 minutes and don’t want to do it anymore.
  • Whatever you do… DO NOT take me bowling. No matter how much I beg you to participate in that activity with me. I will get bored after I aimlessly toss the ball down the lane twice and will want to go home.
  • Love my expressive eyes and flailing hands when I’m telling a story even if I do knock your drink over in the process.
  • Love that I will definitely drool when I sleep.
  • Laugh at my Harry Potter jokes. They’re funny. Trust me.
  • Don’t get mad when I make you wait 30 minutes as I straighten my hair just to throw it up in a top knot the instant I walk out the door.
  • Let me dance down the avenue while you pretend like it’s not funny.
  • Make decisions, whether big or small, when I need you to.
  • Use the One Direction toothpaste I have without rolling your eyes. Fluoride is fluoride, bro.
  • Also, ignore the One Direction calendar hanging over the bed when you’re taking off your clothes.
  • While you’re at it, ignore the bust of Abe Lincoln that watches us as we kiss until we fall asleep.
  • Watch trashy reality TV with me when I need to escape and feel better about my own life. I’ll even let you pick the city where the housewives reign.
  • Know that I hate the taste of coffee even though my body craves the caffeine; fill that sh– up with flavored creamer and sugar, please.
  • Hate that little kid Carl from The Walking Dead with me. I can’t love anyone who finds him acceptable as a human being during the zombie apocalypse.
  • And while we’re talking about zombie apocalypses, please don’t leave me behind.
  • Let me borrow your plaid shirt and actually wear it in public.
  • Let me declare the number 29 as my lucky number just because you do.
  • Please do all these things because know in a heartbeat that I will do them just as passionately for you.
  • Elyse Marrocco is a green apple enthusiast. Pop culture aficionado. Future best friend of Taylor Swift. Elyse can be found on Twitter (@roccosrev) and at www.roccosrevolution.com.

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