10 Ways We Accidentally Mess Up Our Relationships

I’m no relationship expert, but I do know it’s easy to screw up a perfectly good thing by falling into a nasty set of behaviors. Love always takes work, even if the connection is effortless and clear to everyone else, so if you ever find yourself falling into any of the traps below, remind yourself that you have a wonderful thing that doesn’t need to be ruined by completely controllable tendencies. Here are some habits to avoid if you want your relationship to last.

10. Self-sabotaging

Some people have such terrible dating histories that they can’t identify a healthy romance when they finally have one. If things are going well for you and your partner, don’t assume that means an unthinkable event is near! I have to remind myself all of the time that life can be good and stay good. If you put bad energy and thoughts into the atmosphere, you might invite negativity into the relationship, which can’t grow with unnecessary troubles.

9. Snooping

Don’t go through anyone else’s stuff, even if you’re worried he/she might be up to something. It’s always better to talk a concern out than create another through invasion of privacy.

8. Password sharing

Again, I’m no Patti Stanger, but password sharing seems potentially detrimental. Unless you’re sharing bank account information, the temptation to do some digital digging might arise when you’re bored or simply curious. Some couples have good reasons for sharing passwords, but don’t get carried away with the privilege.

7. Getting upset when your messages aren’t returned right away

If someone is in a relationship with you, he/she isn’t blowing you off like a rude date who refuses to call back. They might just be busy, working, exercising, showering or away from the phone. Unfortunately we exist in a culture that expects us to be available 24/7, but even the person you love can’t do that all the time.

6. Freaking out over female or male friends

Boyfriends are allowed to have girls as friends, just as girlfriends should be allowed to hang out with their platonic guy pals. There are boundaries, and I wouldn’t recommend spending too much time with a male friend with a crush on you, but trust is key here.

5. Not letting him/her see friends

Couple time is important, but your partner needs friend time as well. Keeping someone away from their friends, even unintentionally, builds resentment.

4. Complaining about relationship issues on social media

When you’re arguing, don’t write all about it on Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, etc., later on. This is between you two, not you two plus the whole Internet.

3. Staying quiet when something’s bothering you

Transparency is important, and the secret to every relationship is communication. If you’re frustrated about something going on between you two, speak up rather than holding in your concerns.

2. Monotony 

The stresses of work and everyday life can wear on a couple, but spice things up when you can so it doesn’t feel like you’re doing the same thing whenever you’re together. If you stay in and watch TV a lot, try going out to a cocktail bar or good restaurant one night. Consider going on an impromptu weekend getaway to recharge and enjoy each other’s company in another setting. It really works.

1. Taking it personally when he/she is tired

After long weeks, sometimes your S.O. just wants to go to sleep or sit quietly for a while. This doesn’t reflect his/her feelings towards you, and as hard as it might be at times, try not to take it to heart. Odds are, you probably feel too overwhelmed to be social on occasion, so don’t fret when the person you love is too exhausted to engage at times.

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