I imagine there exists a big warehouse, like the one in Raiders of the Lost Ark, somewhere on Disney premises. In this warehouse, buried underneath endless stacks of crates, is a treasure trove of Disney Channel Original Movies from the ’90s. All of our favorites are there: The Luck of the Irish, Smart House, The Thirteenth Year. I imagine them to be dusty, tucked away in their meager VHS sleeves, just waiting… waiting for the day that a Disney Exec realizes the money that could be made by converting them into DVDs and selling them to nostalgic 20-somethings who are looking to relive their childhoods.Alas, that day has yet to come. Until then, we are left to reminisce about the “golden days” of Disney Channel.
Back in the day (1999, to be exact), the reigning queen of the Disney Channel was Zenon: Girl of the 21st Century. Her intergalactic lifestyle, her stellar hairstyles and her captivating catchphrases (say it with me, Zetus Lapedis!) made Zenon the quintessential ’90s teen-girl heroine. Am I getting over emotional here?
Okay. So, she’s no Buffy. But still, there will always be a special place in my heart for the girl who took on the corrupt Space Station Chief, Mr.Wyndham. Not only did she inspire me to apply to space camp (yeah… I didn’t get in…), but Zenon taught me a things about life:
1. Tablets are the technology of the future.
The moment I got my hands on an iPad, I opened up Facetime, called my BFF and attempted to reenact Zenon and Nebula’s quippy conversations.
Yes, Zenon: Girl of the 21st Century foretold the rise of the tablet… which, in my mind, makes Zenon more prevalent than ever. Now we just have to work on making livable space stations… but no worries.
Zenon takes place in 2049. We still have time.
2. It’s okay to like boy bands.
Listen. Call Me, Maybe has nothing on the infectiousness of Protozoa’s Supernova Girl (Zoom Zoom Zoom). Seriously. And while I never was really into boy bands like Zenon was, I appreciate their place in society. Heck. I even appreciate their place on my iPod shuffle.
From the Monkees and New Kids on the Block, to One Direction, boy bands are a constant part of pop culture. So give in to the temptation and turn on the tunes. After all, it’s interplanetary, mega-stellar, hydrostatic…
1. There will always be a place for brightly colored spandex in this world… erm… universe…
Every so often, I “cleanse my closet”. This is an attempt to rid myself of clothes that I don’t wear on a regular basis. Every time I go on one of these cleaning binges, I come across the same problem. Neon leggings. I argue with myself. Do I need these leggings? How many times have I worn them? Am I too old to wear these? Then I realize the leggings are nestled in between my Gryffindor dress robe and a novelty Top Gun tee… and I decide it’s okay to keep them.
Here’s my point: whether you are hitting up your best friend’s 80s themed party, or going to jazzercise class, it’s okay to keep a pair of obnoxious leggings. Guilt free. Mark my words. The moment you get rid of them, you’ll be called upon to thwart an evil plan on board an international space station.