"You're Too Picky"Candice Sesi

Over the past few months, I’ve attended 25 million weddings, and that is totally not an exaggeration. At these weddings, there is always at least one person who asks, “Are you dating anyone?” And when I reply, “No,” they come right back with, “Aw, no? Really? How come? Why are you single? Maybe you should try online dating. Oh, you’re too picky!” I mean, really? You would think I replied, “NO AND I’M COMPLETELY DEVASTATED AND THINKING ABOUT ENDING LIFE TONIGHT!”

Well, my dear Hello Giggles BFFs, I can assure you that this is not the case. While it is true that I’m in my late ’20s, as single as a dollar bill and I may get lonely from time to time, I am by no means miserable over my singledom and you shouldn’t be either. However, with so many a-holes (I mean people asking, “Why are you single?”), it kinda makes me wonder if there really is a reason besides my usual response of, “I just haven’t met the right person.” A guy friend of mine recently scolded me, “You meet tons of guys! You CHOOSE to be single! You’re too picky!” Naturally, I denied these accusations and told said friend that I am not picky, I just have standards – and since when did that become a freakin’ crime? But on the inside, I was conflicted. Is he right? Am I too damn fabulous for mankind? Am I really too picky?

A couple of weeks ago, this same friend introduced me to a guy and I’m sorry, but I didn’t like him. First of all, I just didn’t find him attractive, although he wasn’t ugly. He was fake confident and bragged about being an attorney. While I recognize that becoming an attorney is a great accomplishment, it is unnecessary to brag. Such a great accomplishment speaks for itself. This guy asked me if I knew what ESPN was. Did he think I was born under a rock? I mean, of course I know that ESPN is like, a totally psychic power. Like, get serious, why SHOULD I like him? If finding pretentious douche bags as repulsive constitutes as picky, so be it.

I was under the impression that everyone, man or woman, was supposed to have standards, preferences, and you know, never settle for anything less than butterflies, and all that. Aren’t preferences part of what makes finding “the one” so special? Without them, we could make just about anyone “the one.” I have the usual preferences, taller than me, handsome, well-dressed, nice smile, etc. But like I said, those are preferences, not requirements. I only have a few dealbreakers, such as no ambition, not witty, dumb as a box of rocks and jean shorts. I feel my ideals are totally realistic, don’t you?

I admit that I may point out something silly and unimportant about a guy after meeting him, such as, “he has a cat” or “his nostrils kept flaring.” But that’s me being on some complete bulls**t. The truth of the matter is, there just wasn’t a spark. Let’s be real here – if there were, I would most likely force myself to at least attempt to like cats just to please him because, like, how are we going to get married if we can’t accept one another’s pets? When I’m into someone, I’ll marry him inside my head. You will too, so stop judging me. We all do it, and it’s SO MUCH FUN!

So when all this dumb, picky nonsense begins to surface, its not us girls being picky, it’s us acknowledging that there’s no chemistry. However, people who think that one’s life is not validated unless they’re in a relationship will never understand that. If you have standards, suddenly you’re picky. If you don’t have standards, suddenly you’re settling. You know what, girls? We can’t please everyone, so let’s focus on pleasing ourselves. Go ahead, be picky, be a little reckless, take risks, don’t be afraid to say no to a date you are not interested in going on, care about a guy’s shoes, and if you don’t like yellow teeth, then you don’t have to endure a butterscotch smile for the sake of appearing “not picky”. Just do you.

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  1. When i was first dating i would date anyone who asked me out because i was so happy that somebody liked me. After dating a few people i thought “this isn’t working, i have no connection to these people and they are kind of assholes.” I raised my standards, was single for almost three years and then i met my fiance. Keep your standards, feel good enough about yourself to know that you deserve to have everything that you want (that matter) in a relationship.

  2. Thank you all so much for your comments! I really appreciate that you take the time to check out my work! XO!

  3. Thank u for the post!!!!!!!!! Single n fabulous!;)

  4. Say it sister. Better to be picky then divorcing Not So Mr. Right 10 years down the road. I’m nearly 19 and I’ve got friends in commited reationships, and some racing towards the altar already. I already dread their weddings and the “You’re single? Oh, my nephew/son/cousin/brother would be perfect for you. I’ll have to set you two up.”
    Oh no you don’t, I’m happy as is.

  5. PREACH!

  6. Thank you for this post! A very enjoyable read.

  7. Recently had a guy try to pick me up by asking “so do you have a boyfriend? I haven’t heard you mention one yet.” and when I replied that I don’t have one he asked “Why?” of course I don’t feel like I should have to defend my single status. I usually go with the “I’m an accounting major; I have no life” excuse.. but really I haven’t met anyone I remotely like let alone respect enough to want to even go on a FIRST date with.. Can’t people just let me be? Also this was a very awkward/embarrassing way to ask a girl out!

  8. My grandmother told me a few years ago (when she was 90) that I needed to lower my standards. Oh, well, because I still have high standards. When I was on JDate, I was completely honest on my profile and everyone told me that I needed to not be so forthcoming and I was like “why should I lie to someone? I want them to like ME.”

  9. oh. ohohoh. thank you SO MUCH for this post.

    according to my mom, i should be going out at least with someone to ‘get a relationship experience’. so whe the time comes and HE appears, i’ll be prepared. but i disagree so much. wasting my nerve on pretending to like someone won’t give me anything for a real relationsip – it’s just sooo different when you actually care.

  10. ” I am not picky, I just have standards – and since when did that become a freakin’ crime?” I really like that quote! haha :p

  11. I So agree with you, and I’m a Guy(Gay LOL) but thats true, what you just said applies to everyone. Have standards, be picky, everyone deserves the best and girls especially. Never settle for less.

  12. This post speaks the truth. I don’t believe in “being picky” when it comes to finding a significant other. It’s just standards – likes or dislikes. If there’s something you dislike about a person and it’s a very significant dislike, then so be it. You can’t force yourself to like someone, much less love someone.

  13. Totally agree with everything you said! Ladies, we are definitely not PICKY!

  14. ” I am not picky, I just have standards – and since when did that become a freakin’ crime?” THIS. Ugh, so me.

  15. THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU, I am in the exact same boat and I am sick of defending myself from being picky and for not wanting to just settle for sleeping around a lot as the alternative to that either.

  16. I too am often told I am too picky but I feel that those of us who are told that, are honestly aware that they deserve better than falsely confident men who are more concerned with making themselves feel better. I would rather be single than to be with a guy who I am forced to roll my eyes at every time he says something I feel is obnoxious or dumb. (I’ve been there before)

  17. UGH MY GOD. I love this article. Almost every time I say “I’ve never had a boyfriend” someone’s immediate response is “Oh, I’m so sorry!” Really? Ugh, it’s so rude. I feel like I’m happier than a lot of people who are in relationships so TAKE THAT. Breakups are awful, too. And it seems there’s so much to do “wrong” when you’re dating someone (according to lot of women’s magazines) so I guess I’ve just been doing everything wrong because I don’t have a dude. Oh well. I find being picky saves a lot of heartache later. It’s worth it in the long run!

    • So sorry for what?! I am a believer in not jumping into relationships for the sake of having a boyfriend. Take your time, girly, nothing wrong with that :)

  18. Very well written post. I’d give you more than 2 thumbs up if I had them.

  19. For me, I don’t know if one date is enough. If there is repulsion, so be it, end of. But if it’s just … meh… then I’ll chill cause I end up liking someone more over time, and usually not right away. But I completely agree, love yourself, have standards, and those people analyzing what’s wrong with you (and me) for being single, are a**holes!

  20. Amen this post and what Jess just said. I’d rather be too picky than not picky enough. I just feel like nowadays everyone’s jumping on the “committed” wagon without stopping to think about it. I’m sorry, but I want to be with someone i really care and love. I want flames and sparks. If a guy isn’t going to bring out the best in me, just the really bored and boring me, I’d rather stay single.