"You're Too Picky"

Over the past few months, I’ve attended 25 million weddings, and that is totally not an exaggeration. At these weddings, there is always at least one person who asks, “Are you dating anyone?” And when I reply, “No,” they come right back with, “Aw, no? Really? How come? Why are you single? Maybe you should try online dating. Oh, you’re too picky!” I mean, really? You would think I replied, “NO AND I’M COMPLETELY DEVASTATED AND THINKING ABOUT ENDING LIFE TONIGHT!”

Well, my dear Hello Giggles BFFs, I can assure you that this is not the case. While it is true that I’m in my late ’20s, as single as a dollar bill and I may get lonely from time to time, I am by no means miserable over my singledom and you shouldn’t be either. However, with so many a-holes (I mean people asking, “Why are you single?”), it kinda makes me wonder if there really is a reason besides my usual response of, “I just haven’t met the right person.” A guy friend of mine recently scolded me, “You meet tons of guys! You CHOOSE to be single! You’re too picky!” Naturally, I denied these accusations and told said friend that I am not picky, I just have standards – and since when did that become a freakin’ crime? But on the inside, I was conflicted. Is he right? Am I too damn fabulous for mankind? Am I really too picky?

A couple of weeks ago, this same friend introduced me to a guy and I’m sorry, but I didn’t like him. First of all, I just didn’t find him attractive, although he wasn’t ugly. He was fake confident and bragged about being an attorney. While I recognize that becoming an attorney is a great accomplishment, it is unnecessary to brag. Such a great accomplishment speaks for itself. This guy asked me if I knew what ESPN was. Did he think I was born under a rock? I mean, of course I know that ESPN is like, a totally psychic power. Like, get serious, why SHOULD I like him? If finding pretentious douche bags as repulsive constitutes as picky, so be it.

I was under the impression that everyone, man or woman, was supposed to have standards, preferences, and you know, never settle for anything less than butterflies, and all that. Aren’t preferences part of what makes finding “the one” so special? Without them, we could make just about anyone “the one.” I have the usual preferences, taller than me, handsome, well-dressed, nice smile, etc. But like I said, those are preferences, not requirements. I only have a few dealbreakers, such as no ambition, not witty, dumb as a box of rocks and jean shorts. I feel my ideals are totally realistic, don’t you?

I admit that I may point out something silly and unimportant about a guy after meeting him, such as, “he has a cat” or “his nostrils kept flaring.” But that’s me being on some complete bulls**t. The truth of the matter is, there just wasn’t a spark. Let’s be real here – if there were, I would most likely force myself to at least attempt to like cats just to please him because, like, how are we going to get married if we can’t accept one another’s pets? When I’m into someone, I’ll marry him inside my head. You will too, so stop judging me. We all do it, and it’s SO MUCH FUN!

So when all this dumb, picky nonsense begins to surface, its not us girls being picky, it’s us acknowledging that there’s no chemistry. However, people who think that one’s life is not validated unless they’re in a relationship will never understand that. If you have standards, suddenly you’re picky. If you don’t have standards, suddenly you’re settling. You know what, girls? We can’t please everyone, so let’s focus on pleasing ourselves. Go ahead, be picky, be a little reckless, take risks, don’t be afraid to say no to a date you are not interested in going on, care about a guy’s shoes, and if you don’t like yellow teeth, then you don’t have to endure a butterscotch smile for the sake of appearing “not picky”. Just do you.

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