Dear 13 Year Old Ingrid,
Today is a special day. You are going to get your ass kicked in the middle of school for the very first time. I suggest you skip school today because even now, I’m not sure what we learned from that experience. So… turn around, do not get on that bus (public transportation fools!) Tell Mum that you’ve got the sniffles. After all, it’s the middle of February in Canada. Life doesn’t get more miserable. You don’t necessarily need to get beat.
Oh? You’re going to school, are you? Tupac just died and you want to be with your friends? Okay. Fair enough, Tupac was great. Just please, please put your stuff in the locker and go to class. Stop mingling with other students. You’re here to learn, not socialize! You’ll never be friends with any of these people after like… next year. So, try harder in math or something.
And this is where it all goes wrong. At first you were mingling in the hallways and now you are talking to a girl named Chantalle who more or less runs the hallways. You want to be cool, so you act tough. You say hello to her. NOW GO TO CLASS. Oh, but you aren’t going to do that are you? No. You’re going to engage in a sort of half nudging, half pushing fight with Chantalle. You’re going to say “Wud up, Chantalle?” and give her a nudge and then she’ll say “Wud up, Ingrid?” and give you a nudge and before you know it, you’ll be up against a locker, getting strangled by this b*tch. A crowd will form and NO ONE WILL HELP YOU! That part will be traumatizing, but just that part really.
Who knows who instigated the fight? I wouldn’t really say you got “bullied”, per se. I do know you didn’t stop yourself from pushing back when your “hello”s got a little heated. Pushing back is okay, except when you think you might get strangled. Aha! There’s the lesson, Ingrid. Finally. After all these years, we’ve figured it out! This is a lesson in brevity. Okay, fine. Go to school! I take it all back. This fight will inform that rest of your life.
If you decide to engage in the “wud up fight” with Chantalle, you will learn that most people don’t intervene when two people fight because… well, who knows? You will discover that the little s**t named Geoffrey will be the only stand up guy in your school because he will break it up. And you’ll learn that you’re not as tough as you think you are. Fighting is never okay. Even if you think you’re stronger than the other guy.
You’re going to get strangled today. But it’ll be okay because you’ll learn when to stop yourself before it’s too late (too late meaning getting your ass whooped in the middle of school, not death). YES!!!
13-year-old Ingrid? I think you’ve just taught ol’ me something. I salute you!
Your Future Self
P.S. To my faithful readers. Were you ever bullied? Did you ever bully? Did you learn any lessons from it? Share them with me!
Image Via: The Feehery Theory