Apocalypstick's ApocaLIST

Your Muppet Man Guide

Do you really want to know something about a man? Ask him who his favorite muppet is. I’m serious. For months now I have been asking every guy I know who their favorite muppet is. The best part is that not one of them has asked me why. Not one! People just love muppets! Except for my brother: “I hate all those muppets. I wish they were never created. They scare me, they are creepy, they are weird and I hate them.” Other than that though, he’s totally cool. Trust me ladies!

Here is your Muppet Man Guide:

Simon and Gonzfunkel

If they like Gonzo, they are artsy. They probably live in Venice. They probably have facial hair. They probably enjoy bizarre, kinky things in the bedroom.

"And I was like, GUUUUURL."

Boys who choose Kermit seem mellow and usually trustworthy but in reality, they probably just couldn’t think of another Muppet and/or felt that they had to choose Kermit because they also play the guitar.

Gaga and Elton John share a moment.

If they chose Miss Piggy, they are probably gay.

"I don't take drugs I AM DRUGS!"

Guys who like Animal are most likely fun social types who don’t necessarily have to play an instrument but aren’t necessarily not doing drugs.

This guy works at Urban Outfitters when he's not in the caves.

Those who chose any of the Fraggles are stoners and were probably watching Fraggle Rock when you asked them who their favorite Muppet was. However, they were probably too stoned to appreciate the coincidence.

Most unnerving thing about the Swedish Chef? HIS HUMAN HANDS!!!!

Fans of The Swedish Chef are into improv. This is also true if they chose Fozzie Bear but those guys are probably more into writing or stand-up than Improv.

Rowlf me Amadeus.

If they chose Rowlf, they are kind, goofy and endearing. Good boyfriend material.

Haters gonna hate.

Statler and Waldorf, AKA The Old Dudes in the Balcony, are introspective types. They probably blog.

David Byrne looks great!

Repeat after me: Beaker is a keeper.

Out of all of the guys I asked, these were the Muppets I heard about the most. If they chose any other Muppets – say, one of the lesser known ones like Rizzo The Rat – then they are thoughtful, quirky and maybe even trying to impress you. The other possibility, though, is that they just really love The Muppets.

Originally posted with some changes at Apocalypstick. Image from LIFE photo archive hosted by Google. All other images screencapped from Youtube by me.

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