Apocalypstick's ApocaLIST

Your Muppet Man Guide

Do you really want to know something about a man? Ask him who his favorite muppet is. I’m serious. For months now I have been asking every guy I know who their favorite muppet is. The best part is that not one of them has asked me why. Not one! People just love muppets! Except for my brother: “I hate all those muppets. I wish they were never created. They scare me, they are creepy, they are weird and I hate them.” Other than that though, he’s totally cool. Trust me ladies!

Here is your Muppet Man Guide:

paul simon, gonzo, muppets paul simon, gonzo paul simon

Simon and Gonzfunkel

If they like Gonzo, they are artsy. They probably live in Venice. They probably have facial hair. They probably enjoy bizarre, kinky things in the bedroom.

debbie harry, kermit the frog, kermit, muppets, kermit debbie harry, debby harry

"And I was like, GUUUUURL."

Boys who choose Kermit seem mellow and usually trustworthy but in reality, they probably just couldn’t think of another Muppet and/or felt that they had to choose Kermit because they also play the guitar.

miss piggy, lady gaga, elton john, elton john miss piggy, muppets

Gaga and Elton John share a moment.

If they chose Miss Piggy, they are probably gay.

animal, muppets, animal muppet, animal drummer

"I don't take drugs I AM DRUGS!"

Guys who like Animal are most likely fun social types who don’t necessarily have to play an instrument but aren’t necessarily not doing drugs.

fraggles, fraggle rock, muppets, muppet fraggle

This guy works at Urban Outfitters when he's not in the caves.

Those who chose any of the Fraggles are stoners and were probably watching Fraggle Rock when you asked them who their favorite Muppet was. However, they were probably too stoned to appreciate the coincidence.

swedish chef, muppet show, swedish muppet

Most unnerving thing about the Swedish Chef? HIS HUMAN HANDS!!!!

Fans of The Swedish Chef are into improv. This is also true if they chose Fozzie Bear but those guys are probably more into writing or stand-up than Improv.

rowlf, rowlf muppet, muppets, rowlf piano

Rowlf me Amadeus.

If they chose Rowlf, they are kind, goofy and endearing. Good boyfriend material.

statler and waldof, old guys in balcony, muppets, muppet old guys

Haters gonna hate.

Statler and Waldorf, AKA The Old Dudes in the Balcony, are introspective types. They probably blog.

beaker, muppets beaker, muppets,

David Byrne looks great!

Repeat after me: Beaker is a keeper.

Out of all of the guys I asked, these were the Muppets I heard about the most. If they chose any other Muppets – say, one of the lesser known ones like Rizzo The Rat – then they are thoughtful, quirky and maybe even trying to impress you. The other possibility, though, is that they just really love The Muppets.

Originally posted with some changes at Apocalypstick. Image from LIFE photo archive hosted by Google. All other images screencapped from Youtube by me.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1436406014 Susanne Lenihan Ritchie

    Good stuff! I’d like to add Pepe the King Prawn for consideration. Favoring him signals an inferiority complex.

  • http://www.facebook.com/jkriscunas Jenn Kriscunas

    Aaaaand I just spend the last half hour watching Paul Simon on The Muppet Show. HOW ADORABLE WAS HE?! (A: So Adorable.)

  • http://www.facebook.com/jennylonussen Jenny Lonussen

    Very interesting!

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1246213907 Marissa A. Ross


  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=6009658 Estela Magana

    Oddly enough, I’ve done this too with pretty much anyone I meet! I also gush about the new Muppets movie w/Jason Segal coming out soon…I wonder what his answer is. <3 the post!

  • http://www.facebook.com/molly.halloran Molly M. Halloran

    Kermit doesn’t play the guitar. He plays the banjo. Just sayin’.

    • http://www.facebook.com/almie.rose Almie Rose

      Oh snap! I know I’ve seen that little green dude play the guitar at some point though…no? :)

  • http://www.facebook.com/leahahaha Leah Lopez

    That Paul Simon episode is so great! I took my parents’ dvd of it when I was visiting home the last time. They don’t need it because they have 3 seasons of the Muppet Show on dvd anyway.
    This article is my favorite. I just want to hug it.

  • http://www.facebook.com/shannon.frech Shannon Frech

    I’m a big fan of Apocalypstick so to see you on this site was a welcome surprise! Keep up the good work (my favorite has always been Beaker, I don’t know what that means for us ladies though).

  • http://www.facebook.com/kimberlymontgomeryhawkins Kimberly Hawkins

    Beaker and Bunsen, and Sam the Eagle are my faves! Oh how I miss the Muppets!

  • http://www.facebook.com/ooohsaracuda Sara M. Lyons

    My dude just told me a couple of days ago that his favorite Sesame Street character was Snuffalupagus, and I got a little worried.

  • Anonymous

    In the complicated world we live in, it’s good to find simple sulotions.

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  • Anonymous

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