The Week In WHAT?! Your Cat Is Just Not That Into You Jonathan Zipper

While it *may* be possible to enjoy a seasonal film throughout the year, there’s definitely something extra special about multiple screenings of your favorite holiday flick between Thanksgiving and Christmas. Thanks to the Internet, you now can immerse yourself even further into the world of movies like “Love, Actually.”

Of course, between that and the “All I Want For Christmas Is You” karaoke sets, you’ll have to come up for air at some point. So, catch your breath with “The Week In WHAT?!

Can You Feel the Love Tonight? No, Really — Can You?

A new study suggests that domesticated cats may not be as fond of people as some women (and men) are of them. Researchers at the University of Tokyo tested how cats respond to hearing the sound of their owners’ voices. Sadly for cat lovers everywhere, it seems that the felines recognized the sounds but opted not to display any real signs of affection. In the words of Liz Lemon, “that’s a deal breaker, ladies!”

Looks Like Some States Need a Little Orbit Gum

If you think residents of New York and New Jersey are known for their potty-mouths, then get ready for a shock. The Marchex Institute put together a map pinpointing how frequently people from every state of the union cussed during phone calls with customer service representatives. As it turns out the biggest offenders of dropping an unfriendly four letter word (or worse) came from Ohio. Can you really blame them? The state’s round on the ends and “hi” in the middle. (Cue the expletives for the use of that joke.)

One Cheeseburger With a Side of Paranoia — Coming Right Up!

Speaking of things that may or may not be high, “is there a joint in this hamburger?” is not a question one ever expects to ask, much less hear. However, a customer at the Wendy’s in Lovejoy, Georgia dialed 911 to report a half-smoked marijuana blunt in her cheeseburger. Police showed up to the location and arrested an employee, who took full responsibility for the “misplaced” pot. The customer allegedly suffered symptoms similar to food poisoning — although, it’s unclear as to whether that had to do with the marijuana or the general quality of the burger.

Another Game Changer for the History of Mankind?

Last Wednesday, science shattered yet another record when a paper published in the scientific journal Nature revealed the discovery of a mitochondrial genome from 400,000 years ago. The sampling of ancient DNA appears to resemble that of the Denisovans, a subspecies of Homo sapiens. Prior to the find, the oldest known DNA directly related to modern humans was believed to be 100,000-years-old. The new DNA could not have come at a better time because rumor has it 400,000 is the new 100,000.

And there you have this week in “WHAT?!” Can’t wait to see what’s in store for humanity next!

“We must use time wisely and forever realize that the time is always ripe to do right.” -Nelson Mandela

Image via GrumpyCats.com/Inti Orozco.

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