Teaspoon of Happy


Be your own best ally. Call you your #1. Always put you first. It’s easier said than done but there’s never a good reason to betray yourself. If you look inwards, how do you feel about yourself? Do you love yourself? Do you side with yourself when there’s been a fight or someone is angry at something you did? Or do you feel instantly guilty and terrible? If so, then you might need some tuning somewhere in the “I’m awesome” department. It’s good to do a little check-in from time to time to remind yourself of the true you.
To begin this process, write a list of things you like about yourself and love about yourself, then list all the unique qualities that you have. Even ask your friends what they like about you and what makes you special and different. Once you get that list good and fleshed out, ask yourself what you don’t like about yourself. Are these things that you can change/work on, or are they things you think are inherently part of who you are? If it’s the latter than it might be something to be examined.
I had the somewhat unique experience of having to regrow my self-love. The knowing and loving my true self was replaced for a long time with a whole lot of “knowledge” that I was in fact a not-that-good person. I say knowledge because when it’s coming from inside you feelings like this display themselves as reality. They become simply truth. I had to break away and dispel this faux-knowledge by  literally discussing with another person the sources of the reasons I had deemed me “bad” in my own mind. One day I just heard myself and realized, “Oh, I really was trying to be good.” The other side of that is the realization that at some point someone else made you feel you must be bad. One of the super dangerous and crappy things about thinking you are at your core a bad person, is that you will continue to fulfill this in your actions therefore reinforcing that you are bad. The answer to all unknowns will instantly stem from “Yep, that’s ‘cause of me,” when in reality this will not be the case.
If you have a super awesome healthy level of self love then you don’t have to worry about this piece, but nonetheless it’s good to remind yourself of who you know you are. It will make you stand taller, not second guess yourself when stating your feelings, will protect and maintain your boundaries, and prevent others from damaging your confidence. You should never not be on the side of you, and you should always be your top priority. This isn’t selfish, it’s actually the best way to be selfless. If you are your best self you can give to others as a healthy whole being. Think of it like the emergency instructions on an airplane. You must secure your own mask before tending to others.

Part of me craves little elementary school style exercises like this in my life just so I can reflect about myself in these kinds of ways. Where and why else would you ever have the reason? Hope you write some long and flattering lists of yourselves! And happy Sunday. xox

Featured image © 1976 United Artists, feature film “Rocky”

  • http://www.facebook.com/shannonmcgovs Shannon McGovern

    this made my day, my week, and my year. thank you.

    • http://www.facebook.com/sarahmaybee Sarah May Bates

      YAY! Thanks Shannon :) You made mine!

  • http://www.facebook.com/lisrmiller Elisabeth Miller

    I totally love the idea of making a list. I, too, have an ingrained idea that I’m not a “good” person and that things are always my fault. Someone rear ends me? Totally my fault. A friend is crying? Totally my fault. It’s actually an incredibly egotistic way to look at things (it’s all about ME!), but it’s also because I hold myself in disdain. Guilt and shame are terrible emotions to experience. I’m also having to “regrow my self-love.” Living in a society that tells us how we should look, what kind of career we should have, etc., makes it very hard to step back and remind yourself that you have worth. Divorcing myself from society’s expectations is incredibly hard.

    I’m totally writing that list today. As always, Sarah, thank you:)

    • http://www.facebook.com/sarahmaybee Sarah May Bates

      Awe, I love that! So glad Elisabeth :) And yes I agree on every level. Keep a’growin, xox

  • http://www.facebook.com/amalia.pantazi Amalia Pantazi

    The reason why I like your pieces so much, Sarah, is not only that you are a great writer and you give some pretty good advice. Every time I read your pieces, I get this feeling that I am good, that I can be good and I can be better, I can be happier, and that the world can also be good and happy and that I can change the world, that I can change my life, that everything is going to be fine. These Teaspoons are always a relish, refreshing and motivational!
    Thank you so much! You are one of my very favourites! Wish you all the best xxx : )

    • http://www.facebook.com/sarahmaybee Sarah May Bates

      You made me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. Thank you Amalia!! I am so glad for your readership and kind words. xoxo

  • http://www.facebook.com/SilviaJuncaC Sílvia Juncà

    Sunday’s are so much better since I discovered HelloGiggles and started reading your Sunday articles! :)

    I’m trying to “regrow my self-love” too and I’m sure that your advise will be most helpful. Thanks!

    Oh, btw, last week’s article was blissful, I read it later in the week because I didn’t have time and I loved every word of it! Thank You again Sarah! *

    • http://www.facebook.com/sarahmaybee Sarah May Bates

      Wow! Such a compliment – thank you Silvia! :) very glad to hear, and thank you for your comment! xo

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=636789225 Alycia Lourim

    Ohhh I love this. I had some recent events happen in my life this week of “friends” where I was utterly betrayed and they saw nothing wrong with what they did, which told me they aren’t really my friends and also they don’t know me or care me as a person. I admit I am overdramatic but that is ME i love it about, I care so much and I can’t help it, because of that I see good when others fail and it helps me in acting so I love it. For so long I thought it was a flaw and over the years I have realized the people who love me love that I am over emotional and appreciate me the way that I am and I have come to love it about myself sooo much. I hope to be as healthy and happy as you one day. You inspire so many. <33 thank you

    • http://www.facebook.com/sarahmaybee Sarah May Bates

      I totally agree – you will find those who DESERVE you, BECAUSE they get you. Thanks so much for your comment. xoxoxo

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=15612242 Sarai Garnett

    Gala Darling, a truly wondrous woman, is a fabulous resource to go to if you need anything in the self-love department. Her book, Love & Sequins is absolutely incredible. The first chapter is all about learning how to love yourself too! :) http://galadarling.com/static/love-sequins-podcast

    • http://www.facebook.com/sarahmaybee Sarah May Bates

      RAD! Thanks for the link Sarai! xoxx

  • http://www.facebook.com/elane.sue Erica Lane

    This is such a great article. I feel that most of the time the only attention people give themselves is negative. It would be great if everyone appreciated their assets, and had greater confidence and courage to be the best you. The idea of being selfish in order to be self-less is something that I whole-heartedly believe in, and I’m glad this is becoming a broader notion that young women can truly appreciate. Thank you so much for reassuring me, that I am doing the right thing, by having faith in myself, and giving me more reason to access my own courage to become who I have wanted to be.

  • http://www.facebook.com/Rocio126 Rocio Alvarado

    Definitely needed this. My New’s Years Resolution is actually to not be so hard on myself and try to stop feeling guilty and terrible 80% of the time. Thanks for this :)

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