You Don't Own Me (Or My Facebook Content)!

ATTENTION: If you or one of your loved ones has been exposed to the “new Facebook guidelines” oppositional declaration, wherein your official “written consent is needed at all times” in terms of the ownership of  “all … personal details, illustrations, comics, paintings, professional photos and videos, etc,” then you could be entitled to compensation. Although there is treatment available, there is no cure for ridiculous hoaxes. These hoaxes are often highly embarrassing, due to the “If She Jumped Off A Bridge, Would You Do it Too?” theory as a result of an over-saturated newsfeed. Here’s what you need to know:

1. They do not own your content, but according to Facebook’s spokesman, “You grant Facebook permission to use, distribute and share the things you post, subject to the terms and applicable privacy settings.”

2. You can read Facebook’s terms and conditions here, view their data use policy here and adjust your privacy settings under the tab in the top righthand corner. I also have more than a few friends in or recently out of law school that could probably explain it to you in layman’s terms (pro bono, of course).

3. There is no such thing as the “Berner Convention.” (Tricky trolls! It’s called the Berne Convention and it doesn’t apply here.)

4. “Comics.” Really? Those live under my little brother’s mattress with his other “reading material,” not in my Facebook feed. (Unless they’re re-posted from Reddit. I KNOW YOUR SECRETS!)

5. Since when did posting things on Facebook make anything official? (Except for your relationship, of course.)

If you or a loved one is suffering from chump-like symptoms, don’t hesitate to comment here and share your embarrassment. You probably won’t be entitled to compensation, but I’ll totally give you a hug next time I see you.

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