Chick Literal You Are Not Carrie Bradshaw Andrea Greb

Dear Self,

You are not Carrie Bradshaw.  I know you sometimes like to think you are, what with your love of shoes and your studio apartment and the fact that you’re doing this whole “writing a column” thing now, but you are not Carrie Bradshaw.

The whole point of this column was to do the zany, fun things from girly movies, like wearing a bunny costume to a party or baking topical pies.  The point was not to attempt to pattern your love life off the most dysfunctional dater in the history of television.

Big and Carrie are not a great love story for our time.  They are terrible role models who made millions of women (or maybe just you) believe that if they just waited it out, kept being available and kept ruining perfectly good relationships that could have made them very happy, that eventually, a self involved and unavailable assh**e would come around and realize that you were the best thing that ever happened to him.  Self, that is not going to happen.

You deserve better than to keep investing your emotional energy in a man who has proven time and time again that you’re going to come in second, and that’s on the good days.  Being where he needs to be for work and not where you are is a choice he made, so please stop thinking that maybe if you just do something differently, he’ll choose you instead, because he won’t.  Men who love their careers more than they love you do not change; he’s not going to wake up one morning and realize that you’re the one and fly to Paris to rescue you from your Russian boyfriend, or whatever.

Self, you don’t need to cling to occasional scraps of affection, desperately hoping that they mean something.  Not being ignored is not even close to the same thing as being truly cared about.  Being given the extra toothbrush head or a purse you don’t like is not a reassuring sign that he thought of you, it’s a sign he didn’t think enough of you to give you a key or get you a gift you’d actually enjoy.  Don’t settle for a man who “wishes he could be there”, keep searching until you find one who will be there, always.

When a man pops up in your life every time you might just be getting over him and standing a chance at being happy, that is not a sign that he is The One.  It’s a sign that he has really terrible timing.  (Seriously, Self, the fact that he started talking to you on gChat while you’re supposed to be finishing this column is coincidence and nothing more.)

Do yourself a favor and learn from Carrie’s mistakes.   Listen to your friends.  When they’re screaming at you over lunch, telling you not to go back to him for the second time (or the fifteenth), listen.  Sure, you know him better than they do, but that doesn’t mean you have more insight into the situation.  Let their objectivity be your guide.

If you must be a Carrie, then be one just long enough to find an Aidan and then, for goodness’ sake, stick with him.  Love yourself enough to realize that you deserve a man who loves you.  Stop believing that you’re unworthy and then cementing this belief by staying with a man who doesn’t think you’re worthy either.

Better yet, self, if you must take a page out of Carrie’s book, forget the men altogether and just date Carrie’s other boyfriend, New York City.  He’s got cute, smart and talented covered, and he’s not going anywhere.

XOXO,

Andrea

Image via Acquainted with the Night

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  1. [...] you are suffering from badly implanted arrowheads, I encourage you to read this post by Bangs and this blinder on HelloGiggles. They both contain so many truths for me as over the last 3 years I have managed to [...]

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  3. sign: if he asks you out via text, he WILL break up with you via text and think that’s ok, and you WILL find out about his new gf via fb, although he’s been stringing you along the whole time.

  4. Truth!!!

  5. Oh so true! I’ve always wondered why she had to eventually ended up with him!! Get a clue, Carrie. Definitely not a good role model in that way! Fashion, yes. Men, no!

  6. Thank you!

  7. Marry me. Andrea, you just made me cry a little–that’s how right you are.

  8. Uuuuugh, Aidan = dream man. Stupid Carrie.

  9. i was with a “big” for 3 years, in a “big”-type relationship. not shockingly, he crushed me and it crashed and burned. now i’m married to an “aiden” and amazingly happy (although harry was always my favourite SATC man). i wish i could’ve saved myself 3 years of torment and just looked for an aiden/harry in the first place, but i guess we have to learn these things along the way.

  10. I just finished the entire series, and wish id seen SATC before.
    You’re sooo right the third and the eighth is not the charm, big is what we want but it is what we should not have,for own sanity, and self love.

  11. Am I the only one that thinks she didn’t genuinely love Aidan and that, no matter how sweet he was, she just didn’t want to be with him? I think in some cases it’s okay to go for the guy that makes you crazy sometimes, instead of the “safe” choice that doesn’t really make you feel that spark.

  12. Umm, did you happen to date my ex, too? ;)

  13. Well said. I always rooted for Aidan

  14. Amen, sister.

  15. Holy crap Andrea, that’s the story of the last five years of my life. Literally. Down to the ‘he shows up just when you are getting over him’ part. Though THIS time, he’s engaged. So fingers crossed right?

  16. big SATC fan, but this article was very to the point and makes perfect sense. basically don’t be deluded and whiney like Ms Bradshaw and you be A-okay!

  17. My relationship has generally been more Miranda/Steve, but I have friendships that have been like what you’re describing here.

  18. “Sure, you know him better than they do, but that doesn’t mean you have more insight into the situation. ”

    So true! Brilliant. Thanks for this :)

  19. I want an Aidan in my life!! <3
    Excellent article ;)

  20. i always wished her to end up with Aiden. Actually if i,m wishing for things, i would like to end up with Aiden :) Also very good advice.