Lies I Tell My Daughter

"Yes, Mom, my daughter is purifying her chakras!"

In all honesty, I don’t always make up stories for my kids so  this week, I will venture into a lies I tell my husband and other family members.

Is it weird that no matter how much I spend, if I tell my husband it was $200, it makes all the difference? I admit it, I have a shopping problem. I can’t help myself. I get $50 dollar gift cards at every major department store as thank yous for all the money I spend all year.

Shopping stresses me out because I’m usually in a rush to pick up my daughter from school on time or go grocery shopping so my family can eat, but the rush of it all is incredible.  Nothing makes me more excited. I break into sweats trying things on as I know I have to hurry and I can’t ever return things because I take off price tags excitedly and immediately and never find them again, so that puts even more pressure on me to absolutely love what I’m purchasing.

Whenever I come home, my initial instinct is to frantically run to my closet with all my new bags so that I can shove them in the back somewhere before my husband gets home. When my husband comes home, I tell him I bought new clothes at “the sale” and he says, “Great, honey. You didn’t go crazy, did you”?  I always tell hi, “No, I spent around $200”.

I started to think he was on to me, so I tried to mix it up one time and said, “I only spent $250 dollars.” He responded with, “Why are you spending so much money?” So I said, “Actually, it was 30% off, so it was really only $175.” He smiled and said, “Great!” and just walked away.”

My mom calls me 50 times a day. She’s super overprotective and is obsessed with my kids. She’ll call me up and ask me questions like, “Has Sunny eaten today? Did you feed her?” So I’ll say things like, “No, Mom, I’ve put her on a cleanse – she needs to purify her body.” Or, “Yes, we’ve put her on a vegan diet as she only like garbanzo beans anyway, but it’s going really well.”  My mom’s from Russia and of all the amazing traits she brought over from the old country, sarcasm is not one of them.

“Yulia, are you joking? This is not healthy and children cannot go on cleanses,” she responds. “Mom, she’s my child and if I think she needs to purify her chakras, then that’s what she needs to do”.

She’ll hang up the phone and freak out and run over to my house and find Sunny eating pizza or something “non cleansing”.  No matter how many times a week this happens, she still drives over to check on her. I get her every time.