Written in the Stars Written in the Stars: July 2013 Horoscopes Jessica Tholmer

I am going to start this lovely round of reading your future by publicly apologizing to one of the greatest signs in the zodiac: The Taurus. I totally skipped you in June, and I assure you it wasn’t on purpose! I know I have my beef with The Bulls because as a Lion, the two of us are The Most Stubborn, but you know I adore you. A boy I <3 is a Taurus, and two of my brothers are as well. I love you guys. I do. Forgive me for life.

See? Much love.

See? Much love.

xoxoxo
(PS Allison and Katie O and Steph, ILY.)

Now onto the next. We are in the summer birthdays now, which means the spotlight is on…wait for it…The Leos! Happy birthday to us!

Leo The time to shine is here–it is your season. Not all cinematic lions are Leos necessarily, but I can claim that the Pride of a Lion is undeniable. During Leo season, we inevitably thrive. Throughout the latter half of July and most of August, we own the night. Think Simba at the end of The Lion King. Through faith and love, we have found our place on the path unwinding. Happy birthday!

Famous Lions: Robert DeNiro (my birthday!), Madonna, Bill Clinton, Steve Martin, Mila Kunis, Kylie Jenner, Sean Penn (my birthday!), our POTUS, Demi Lovato, J. Law, J.Lo, Daniel Radcliffe, as well as Harry Potter the fictional character and JK Rowling.

steve

And me, obviously.

Virgo 2013 has been weird, you have been feeling strange. Life has seemed even more abnormal than usual. That feeling of uncertainty? Your obsessive over analysis of seemingly familiar daily occurrences? Well sweet Virgo, that is nothing new for you. Each year of your life will be this way, for you are an introspective soul. Do not give that up, it is a rare and admirable quality. You know you better than some of us ever will. 
Libra Tip the scales this month, my sweet balanced friends. None of you have spent much time planting your feet on the ground and screaming at the top of your lungs, “I don’t want to!” So go for it. You have my permission to just tell your friends and fam that their idea isn’t something you are interested in. Do not be politically correct. Just say no. Call in sick to work and spend a day people pleasing yourself for once. 
Scorpio Scorp, let me tell you a secret–one I know you will keep for a lifetime because that is the kind of person you are: you are my secret favorite sign. There is something undeniably sexy, strong, and suave about a person who can keep a secret and not just that, but you keep it secret that you even have a secret. Relish in that this month, and use your keen sense of confidence to gain the trust of someone you have admired from afar for quite some time now. If anyone can do it, it is you. 
Sagittarius You are an archer, Sag. You are half human, half horse and you carry a bow and arrow. You are basically a Disney character. So what have you been doing to utilize your cartoonishness? Nothing? Have you been sitting at home with your book and a laptop thinking about the world? That’s nice too, but save it for a rainy day. Get out there this month and entertain in the summer sun. If anyone can make the world smile, it is you. 
Capricorn Sweetheart, you are a baby of the winter and it is THE summer month. Don’t let that stop you from thriving in the moonlight. You probably don’t care much, because the things you truly care about are few and far between, but perhaps someone else does. If there is a person you have been neglecting, and I promise that there is, pick up the phone and have a summer date. Walk, bike, run, swim, jump with them. Their happiness depends on you. 
Aquarius “If you can make it through the night, there’s a brighter day,” my lovely Aquarian. Not everyone has the perfect summer. We discuss it like it is a given, like we all have to have the best summer season just because the sun is out and school is postponed for three months, but you know what? Bad days, and months, and even years, happen to everyone. Go ahead and scowl, just put some sunscreen on and do it out in the world. The shine will be good for you. 
Pisces Fishy, fishy, fishy. Something has been up in your world, sweet Pis. Maybe you have been questioning your relationship, or you hate your new boss, or your job, or your position at said job. Well maybe you should do something about it! Walk out! Break up! Just pay off that lingering bill! Make yourself happy in the first week of July and the rest of your summer will thank you. 
Aries As a fire sign, you are strong, confident, and well-loved. As a (quite stubborn) Ram, you are insecure, obnoxious, and undefined. Those qualities are as important as your great qualities. You are who you are. But I bet there are a few people who wish you would admit defeat every once in awhile. Go ahead. Let your insecurity show, just for a second. You will only be stronger for it. 
Taurus My sweet, sweet, sweet Taurus. I forgot you, didn’t I? I was harsh in May and then I forgot you in June. You are not the worst sign by any means, but you are the most stubborn. No one can argue that. Nothing is scarier than a Bull’s horns and you have got it rough there. No you are not always right, but you have a way of convincing people that you are. There are a few though, a few out there who have a way with words, a few that can stand up to you, puff up their chests, and make a dent in that thick horn of yours. Don’t fight it. Tell him you love him. Kiss her on the mouth. Do not let that rough exterior of yours chase them away. Anymore! 
Gemini You are beautiful.
Dance under the stars with your best side this month. Take the person (or people) who know you well–the ones who accept and love your duality–put on the best dance music in the world and make a night of it. You owe yourself a great time.
Then repeat it every night this month.
Cancer Are you having a good birthday month thus far, dear Crabby? Listen, we both know that June isn’t the best month for a Crab. Transition and change are everywhere, and those are things you struggle with, even if you eventually accept them. But July will be different, as it tends to be. You will have a less crabby, much more dynamic time, but you gotta work for it a bit, Moonchild. Nothing will fall into your lap until you shake the tree branches of life. Get it started. Shake those branches and what you have been missing will follow. 
Featured image via ParadaCreations, Steve Martin image via fanpop, personal images via mostly my mom since she birthed us. 
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  1. I hope, as a Leo, it will be a good month. I feel so lazy & I need to bring my grades up. SIGH. Fingers crossed. I want to do something right.

  2. can you reformat the text for the horoscopes? There is no space between signs…

  3. >:[ Great so it’s in the stars that I have a craptastic summer this year. Thanks….screw you guys T_T

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