From Our Readers

Women and Peeing: I'm Kinda Worried About You

Today I did the saddest thing I’ve probably ever done in my life.

Fully clothed, sitting on a toilet in the far corner of the most remote bathroom I could find, I played Hay Day, all the while serenaded by various women peeing. Whats Hay Day, you ask? The most depressing thing ever. It’s kind of like Farmville, only you play by yourself, without the aid of a social network. Never thought I’d get into ONLINE F**KING FARMING, but it’s been a dark time for me, guys.

So I sat there harvesting soybeans, baking wheat bread, sweating my pigs for their bacon (I know, its weird), and I was reminded of something. I’ve spent enough time in public bathrooms to draw some conclusions, so I feel confident when I proclaim this: there are two kinds of women in this world. There are waterfalls and there are creeks.

Ladies, you know what I’m saying. Some chicks are pee shy! Or maybe they just have really tiny urethras? Either way, they let out the most delicate little tinkle – so light it almost sounds like Christmas bells off in the distance. Then, on the other hand, there are the waterfall women. Sometimes I think that I can hear these women clenching their abs to create the most robust stream possible.

While I tried to make sure that the back of my skirt didn’t fall into the toilet bowl, I wondered if this urinary disparity extended to other areas of life. Are tinklers more reserved in general? Are they holding onto some issues from childhood? Are they shy about their body? Or just shy in front of other women? Why should you be ashamed of peeing? We all do it!

And what about the waterfall kinds of women? Are they always so rushed and harried? Do they lead high stress lives? Do they just want to get it all over with? Have they just been holding it for a really long time? That’s not healthy! Trust me, I know because I used to hold it too much when I was a little girl. I may or may not have needed a kidney ultrasound at the ripe age of 7.

I’m not gonna tell you how to pee. You should pee how you pee, and pee freely! But just make sure that your… technique… isn’t covering up some deeper issue. Because if it is, you might find yourself not even peeing in the bathroom at all because you’ll be too busy with your stupid digital farm.

You can read more from Erin Schmalfield on her blog.

  • Sakina A. Fatah

    Connect with Facebook to post a comment

  • Sakina A. Fatah

    I have a friend, ahem, that consistently controls the flow of pee as a form of exercise. So those quiet tinklers may just be getting their Kegels on!

  • Stephanie Bernard

    1. Hypertonic pelvic muscles can lead to peeing difficulties (going often for not much) and also pain during intercourse (around 18% of all women!!!), so yes we should be concerned !
    2. Doing Kegels during voiding if not recommended, it encourages bladder infections for one, so be careful and find another time to train you PC muscles !

    • Wanda Fraser

      Well holy crap. I learned something today. I’ll have to mention that to my lady parts doctor next time I’m in. I thought my peeing difficulties etc were normal. You have just given me the nudge I need to get myself to the doctor.

  • Kris Gilbert

    not as bad as the women who fart loudly and grunt while peeing

  • Erin Schmalfeld

    I’m always happy to encourage thoughtful pee discourse… but could you guys take the “i” out of my last name? Like I’ve said to telemarketers my whole life, “it’s ‘feld’ like Sein-feld!”

    • Erin Schmalfeld

      Also… if that link could link to my blog ( that would be so awesome! I’m fighting a flu but posting something similar to this later today. :)

Need more Giggles?
Like us on Facebook!

Want more Giggles?
Sign up for our newsletter!