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Will This End in Touching?

“Is this a date?”

How bad of a sign is it if you have to ask that question?

Is it that the guy pays for the girl? The guy opens and holds the door for the girl? Or maybe the guy picks the girl up at her place? Because all of those instances could just as easily be explained with: The guy knows the girl is piss broke so he feels bad and picks up the tab, other people are walking out of the bar/restaurant as well so it’s only good manners to open the door and why take two cars when one will suffice? Maybe he’s just a generous, polite environmentalist who doesn’t want to put his tongue in your mouth. But maybe he’s a Matt Damon-y gentleman who could change it all…  So, what is it that makes it abundantly clear that a date is a date, without having to ask?

Maybe by even having to ask that question means it’s not a successful date anyway, if it is one, because you’d hope that there’d be mutual attraction making it quite clear that you both want to do more than open doors for each other. But sometimes when you’re just there enjoying someone’s company and in the midst of good conversation, it’s easy to get lost in the “getting to know you” stories, especially when you’re put at ease – which is a good thing, right? It’s nice to go slow with someone new, sometimes also to have it not all be only about the physical thing. Plus, there’s not a whole lot of sexiness involved in the story of your parents’ divorce or where the scar on your chin came from, but if you’re really going to hit it off with someone… should there be? Or is it okay to just be yourself, scars and all, and not think about the sex until it presents itself?

And yes, it’s true that 3 hour conversations with someone who gets your sense of humor and all that is fantastic, but will there be touching… The fine line between just taking in the pleasure of someone new in your life and taking in the smell of their hair and the way their mouth dips to the side when they talk is important. Maybe it shouldn’t mean that if there’s not overt touching or glancing or kissing at the end that you weren’t on a date, but it’s a slippery slope at first unless you’re both completely upfront about wanting to mash your faces together. So my question is, do you just come out and ask even if it could create an endless depth of awkward silence and explaining?

Honesty is always key, so maybe a simple, “So, have you thought about kissing me or watching football with me? Because either one or both is totally cool on my end.”  And if it wasn’t a date? It may have changed his mind…

  • Alyssa Day

    I have so needed this article! I’ve gone on so many “dates” that haven’t included anything romantic, but I wasn’t sure if that was bad or normal or what.

  • Audrey Leihser

    I’ve been trying so hard to teach myself not to get too far ahead of myself. A lot of guys somehow don’t feel the need to completely define anything, whereas I’m always like “What is THIS?” Unfortunately I’ve never been handed a copy of the dating rulebook so I have no idea. If you like the person, just open yourself up to the possibility of dating him, but don’t get too wrapped up because you don’t know what he’s thinking and it might be too soon to ask. I’ve always found that, unfortunately — and I hate for this to sound sexist or anti-feminist — it’s the guy’s place to define the situation. Just don’t let him take advantage of your feelings! It’s such a thin line between playing it cool and coming off cold. Dating sucks. But those butterflies are kind of the best feeling in the world, right? :)

  • Brianne Richard

    A guy that doesn’t call it a date isn’t worth dating. Any guy who asks me to “hang out” has already blown it. Call it what it is!

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