For the past few years I have adopted this new policy about going to parties, friends’ birthdays – really any social event. Here it is: “If you are not going to leave when I want to leave I will go alone.” That is literally my only requirement.
I think it’s important in any relationship to always be on the same page and that starts with knowing someone’s time commitment. I am the type of girl that will do anything for an hour but any longer is really a big commitment and it probably won’t happen. I have a few friends that are on the same page as me and we go through our friends’ birthdays without leaving a trace. I was recently at a party in NYC for BHLDN (Anthropology sister line) and I hadn’t planned it properly with my meetings and it meant I was going alone. This normally would give people social anxiety but I have mastered this and here are some tips:
1. Always looks like you have a purpose. This doesn’t mean looking bored at your phone or making flirty eye contact with strangers, it means having confidence. Most of the time you have come to a party to make someone else happy, so being alone shouldn’t feel shameful. You are doing them the favor. Act as if a friend is coming to meet you but just hasn’t shown up yet. People sense that vibe and they respect it.
2. Never be rude to strangers. I shouldn’t have to teach you this since you are a human being and a part of society but you would be surprised to see how often I see this. Waiters are your friends here – not just because they will serve you a drink to ease the discomfort but because they are holding positions. Ask them about their lives and then secure them as your home base in case you get antsy.
3. Never say goodbye. The biggest mistake you will make at a party is to say your goodbyes to everyone, especially the host. Do not call attention to your departure. I know you think it’s rude but trust me, it’s not. Get out of there ASAP. Never leave your victims wanting more.
4. Don’t be the Babysitter. I have often felt that at weddings, I have a better time when I go dateless than I would if I brought someone. If you are going to bring someone, they have to have another person they know there or you are the babysitter. No one wants to be around the babysitter and truthfully, why would you go out and give yourself that assignment? Also, for obvious reasons, don’t bring people who are liable and who will get way too drunk or try and bring up Israel and Palestine issues. Those people don’t go over well.
5 Find the kids, old people or animals. This is the tip I personally use the most. I get along with kids better than adults. We don’t have to get into my issues but it’s just what makes me feel the safest. I will scan the room and instantly look for some kids to play with. I talk kid, teen and even baby – anything older and I risk the chance of bombing and I can’t emotionally handle that. While everyone might not be into kids, this could also work with animals. They require some heavy petting and playing that can keep you occupied. Old people are sort of a stretch but I sort of enjoy a sassy grandmother or a flirtatious grandfather so that is what makes me happy at parties.
Bonus!
Don’t go to these things hungry because they really only serve enough food to nibble at and it’s really not cute to fill yourself up with 10-15 hors d’oeuvres just to survive.
Now, if you see me at party and I am alone, don’t assume I am unhappy and single. Assume one of two things: my royal husband is away solving world peace and I am just forced to represent us both at this wedding or that I am actually a happy person that doesn’t need to surround myself with nonsense people to have a good time. Enjoy me for that one hour because I can promise you that you will never find me there any longer.
i normally go out alone. i like not being tied to pppl and feeling i cant do my own thing and be a social butterfly. its rare i go to things WITH ppl. but maybe thats just me.
Hey cool, that’s Lissy Elle’s photo:
http://www.lissyelle.com/
same here girl, I get along better with kids, animals, and old people!! i do that in social events too..
I dont understand why every one is fussing about not really being any place longer than one hour. I too have a STRICT “If you dont want to leave when I want to leave then I’m not going with you” policy. lol. If you’re not a particularly social person, and you dont particularly have a good time conversing with adults, then guess what! You dont have a good time if you are there for 4 hours! Its not rude at all. lol. People invite you because they want you to have a good time. If that means you only stay an hour who cares? And I dont get why people are fussing over not saying goodbye. OBVIOUSLY it depends on the situation…a wedding of someone you dont know too well? Bail. A small bridal shower with family? Say a quick thanks and head out. And I TOTALLY hang with the kids and pets at functions. It’s the only way to go.
i’ll be going to college parties in the fall and this made me feel SO MUCH BETTER. love love love <3
I like your list, minus # 3. You can’t just peace out from someone’s party and not say goodbye to the host. That is incredibly rude!
You lost me when you said anything over an hour is a really big commitment. You’re not that cool.
ive always been this way! i love it!
i ALWAYS get along better with kids. so typically i end up being “babysitter” while the parents converse. maybe i need to reevaluate my life…
Me too!
No, that’s awesome!
I disagree with the point about how you’re doing someone a “favour” by coming to their party. I thought people came to parties to socialize and have fun? Treating a party as a “favour” is not the right attitude to be bringing.
I go to things alone most of the time and enjoy it. I have to go to a wedding in 2 weeks and was thinking about bringing someone. But then I decided I might have more fun by myself and I can leave when I want, etc. Plus, my friend’s fiances fraternity brothers might be going and she’s been mentioning that she wants to set me up with one of them so it might be better if I don’t bring a date! So you’re saying if my options are to bring someone who doesn’t know anyone else there or go alone then I should go alone? Maybe I will.
I like your tips! Except for the not saying goodbye one. I don’t know; it could work, but I just feel like I should at least say goodbye to the host and tell them that I had a good time (even if I didn’t) and thank them for inviting me.
I always felt weird that sometimes i get along better with the kids than the adults. now i know i’m still weird, but at least i’m not alone in this
Or all these sticky and awkward propositions can be avoided by coming with someone
)
I do this all the time
You get some of the best stories from the older people who are sitting forgotten in a corner. I also go out by myself too, meals, coffee, movies, museums, libraries, shopping. I am an introvert, but I love being around people too, I just don’t have to to have a good time.
I looooove this!! I’m a one hour girl too… Im definitely memorizing this for my next social event…
I think the one hour rule is awesome. Stay for an hour, and if you want to stay, you can, but no one can argue with you when you’ve made an appearance for one hour and decide to leave.
I agree with Mathias, your “one hour” rule seems like you’re treating parties like business meetings. If everyone followed this advice, all parties would be over before they got going!
I bring my friends or gf if I want to. Or go alone if I want to. Never been a problem and I always have a great time whatever I choose to do, so maybe this blog wasn’t aimed at me then… But I just had to comment on one thing: – wtf – you only give people 1 hour of your time? You’re not the queen of England, you know. Acting like it by actually setting up a rule for yourself just seems pathetic… Take a “chill pill” and enjoy life without all the preparation, rules and self-restriction. Just relax a little. That would be my advice to you. The reason why I’m saying this is because most of the things you’ve written in this post, many people will see as rude and disrespectful behaviour. Think about it.
Amen, sir.
* “… most of the things… ” being rule number 3 and the fact that you won’t “sacrifice” more than one hour on other people.
OMGGG!!! it’s like we are of the same mind!!! I couldn’t have said any of this any better!!! “Who run the world…GIRLS! GIRLS! GIRLS! GIRLS!”
Bonus No. 2
When you go to parties with friends you tend to stick close to your group and not socialize too much with other party folk. I find going alone makes you more likely to do the rounds.