I’m sorry to blow your minds, but Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphries got divorced. It’s true. Who saw that coming? Besides everyone, ever, in the history of the world?
I could sit here and fault Kim for spending an inordinate sum of money on a wedding we all knew wouldn’t last. Or I could bash Kris for being so naive that he thought proposing to her was a good idea. Or I could pen my disgust with the E! Entertainment network for projectile vomiting 4 hours of coverage devoted to this matter.
But I won’t. Because it’s a rich person’s privilege to spend their rich person money on whatever rich person luxury they want. And we all know in our heart of hearts, or maybe the brain of our hearts, or maybe just the liver of our hearts — the point is, we somehow know, despite possessing no proof to the contrary, that Kim somehow passive-aggressively nudged Kris onto his bended knee. There’s no way he’s smart enough to do that on his own. And E!? Well, E! is meant for pop culture vomit. That’s why it’s on the air. You don’t punish a guard dog for barking at a burglar. Especially if it’s a Hamburglar. Hamburgers are crazy important.
Kim Kardashian is a product of our society; a conglomerate of our most disgusting, voyeuristic, intrusive habits. She exists because we want her to exist. The media viewer is her Dr. Frankenstein and she is our monster. We built her, and now we want to destroy her.
I feel sad for Kim. She has completely lost herself within her personal brand. Her constant quest to upgrade and meticulously refine Kim Kardashian © has simply buried the person behind the brand. She is a product, no longer a human being. She is an ass, a couple of breasts and a pretty face. She is not known for her humor, her personality, her charity work, or anything that makes a human being worthwhile, and she knows it.
I will be the first to admit that I am an avid fan of anything Kardashian. There is nothing ironic or snarky about my enjoyment of America’s Royal Family. My interest is as true and real as Kim Kardashian’s bottom, which was x-rayed earlier this year to prove the validity of its voluptuousness. This past season there was nearly an entire episode dedicated to Kim’s refusal to dance in public. She couldn’t dance well, and so she didn’t want to dance at all. If she didn’t possess millions of dollars, I would feel heartbroken for her. She is a beautiful, successful woman who is so low on confidence that she won’t even dance around the kitchen with only her sisters present. The last half decade she has been viewed as physical perfection, and her confidence is so low that she won’t put herself on the line to goof around and break that illusion.
I believe that Kim married for love. I believe that she is jealous of Khloe’s marriage, of Kourtney’s child. In her official statement, she states:
I want a family and babies and a real life so badly that maybe I rushed in to something too soon. I believed in love and the dream of what I wanted so badly. I felt like I was on a fast roller coaster and couldn’t get off when now I know I probably should have. I got caught up with the hoopla and the filming of the TV show that when I probably should have ended my relationship, I didn’t know how to and didn’t want to disappoint a lot of people.
This divorce says as much about our society and its unhealthy dedication to pop culture as it does Kim and Kris. This divorce might say more about us than it does them; they simply have a failed marriage, something more than half of America possesses. We have a half dozen CNN talking heads, hundreds of local news papers, countless gossip shows, and millions of airy opinion pieces swirling around the Internet (oh, don’t think the irony is lost on me here) giving attention to this single, failed relationship that is of absolutely no consequence to anything important to any of our lives.
It’s disgusting. And I want more.
(image via celebrities.gearlive.com)