From Our ReadersWhy does nobody on The Bachelorette look like me?From Our Readers

First off, let me wholeheartedly declare my love for The Bachelor, The Bachelorette and yes, even its more dysfunctional spin-off, The Bachelor Pad. I even l love The Bachelorette so much that I wrote a blog post about why, despite my love for the show, I would make a horrible contestant.

Like what I assume must be hundreds of thousands of other young women my age, I too engage in the Monday night ritual of watching The Bachelorette, which, for those of you who don’t know, usually involves a few bottles of wine with your girlfriends, hurried and impassioned conversations during commercial breaks and of course, the most important part of the evening, the “post-screening summit” – a discussion whose energy would rival that of a G8 summit any day.

Though I am both aware and interested in the many cultural implications that a show like The Bachelor/Bachelorette exposes in our society, there is one particular issue as of late that has my interest especially peaked. As of April 2012, two former African-American cast members are currently suing ABC’s hit television franchise for what they deem to be “racial discrimination”.

While normally I don’t take the criticisms leveled against The Bachelor/Bachelorette too seriously, claims such as the “absurdity” of finding a spouse on television or accusations that we are propagating a “fairy-tale ending” that doesn’t really exist, I strongly feel that the current issue being brought up about racial discrimination on The Bachelor/Bachelorette is one that should be discussed, rather than ignored.

There are a few reasons I feel more strongly on behalf of this particular concern than some of the more tried and true apprehensions regularly surrounding reality-dating shows. First, I myself am a woman of color. Full disclosure: I’m a Cuban, Korean, Filipino first-generation American woman, and my purpose in writing this article is not in hopes of speaking for entire groups of people, but rather to offer a personal narrative about how reality television is currently affecting my own little worldview.

The second reason is a bit more complex. You see, for the most part, I believe that when people choose to watch shows like The Bachelorette or Million Dollar Matchmaker or any other reality television dating series, they kind of know what they are getting themselves into. We expect some sense of suspended reality; in fact, that’s part of the reason we love watching these shows, because even though we know it’s probably not going to work out in the end, we still love watching people “fall in love”.  However, the danger in giving into that unrealistic “reality” is that we begin to believe it’s real. Whether we know it or not, everything we read, watch and listen to contributes to our larger ideas about how society works. It gives us our lens by which to frame our real realities. So what does this have to do with racial discrimination?

More than you think. By consistently having not only a majority, but an almost exclusively white cast on The Bachelor/Bachelorette, we are saying, whether intentionally or not, that it is only white people in this country who deserve to have a shot at finding true love.

What?! Some of you maybe reading this and find what I said to be completely absurd… of course that’s not what ABC is trying to say. This may just be to you another classic example of issues of race being blown out of proportion by the media, but I am not attempting to write on behalf of the entire liberal media. Rather, I write on behalf of myself and how the media I watch affects me.

It is strange to grow up in a country like America, so rich in its racial and cultural diversity, and yet find a shockingly lacking picture of that history reflected in our media. If you are not a woman of color, chances are you know someone who is, maybe it’s your co-worker, your neighbor, or even your best friend. Put yourself in our shoes for just a minute and imagine what it’s like to turn on the television and not see a single person that looks like you pass by for ten minutes, thirty minutes, and hour, or even two hours, Though it may not always be on the surface of your mind, a part of you takes note of that, reminding yourself that in many ways you are invisible, and the invisible cannot be beautiful, why they’re not even being seen.

Sometimes when I am watching The Bachelorette and my heart is getting swept away by the building music, the exotic destinations and the 25 beautiful men standing nervously in their suits waiting for a moment to talk to Emily, I try and imagine what it would be like to be in her shoes, but it’s very hard. It’s hard to hear man after man say to the camera that Emily is the most beautiful woman they’ve ever met, when she is actually the complete physical opposite of who I am. She has blond hair, blue eyes, a tiny waist and southern charm, and though I do not count myself an ugly woman, it is hard to think these men would step out of a limousine and lose their words over me. To be honest, it’s even harder to imagine being on The Bachelor than The Bachelorette, where at least I would be making all the calls. While all my friends talk about what their chances would be as contestants on The Bachelor, I can only picture myself being sent home after the first rose ceremony, the only woman of color amongst a sea of beautiful white women.

So you see, at least for me this issue is not one that can be taken lightly, as it is not something that I have the luxury of ignoring. Though invisible to the world of modern American media, when I look in the mirror, I am sure I exist, and I can no longer pretend that not seeing myself on the shows I love and watch is not a disheartening thing. If we want to raise a generation of young, confident women who believe they are beautiful, worthy and capable, then we must make sure that all women, no matter their race, ethnicity or sexual orientation are given an equal opportunity to shine in both the modern media and the real world outside of reality television.

What I am proposing is not an easy fix; it cannot be done overnight or likely even within the next decade, but it is one that starts with people like you, people who read things on the internet, share them with their friends and make their voices heard about the things they care about. Even if you personally are not a woman of color, or even a woman for that matter, you can still help the cause by supporting media that supports others. Whether it’s something as small as reposting this blog, writing ABC or even just making an effort to watch shows that do their best to represent peoples of all colors and all walks of life, then we are one step closer than we were before, and that’s one step closer to making things what they should be.

You can read more from Ashley Perez on her blog.

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  1. Beautiful. Well said.

  2. This is a fantastic article! One of the reasons I love the movie Love Actually is because in the movie, there is an interracial couple who get married – and the fact that she’s white and he’s black means absolutely NOTHING. Just as it should be in the world. Sadly, more often than not, when there are interracial couples on television and movies, THAT is the main purpose of their existence; to be interracial. Love Actually proved that it didn’t have to matter, that it just happened and was no big deal (because why should it be?). And I don’t see why shows like the ones you’re talking about couldn’t just have all kinds of races on the shows without it being brought up at all. Sigh.

  3. I’ve also thought it was odd that there are rarely ethnicities other than European on The Bachelor(ette). It’s like the show runners don’t believe their lead would choose someone who isn’t white, which doesn’t reflect reality at all. Not that I expect to see anything close to reality on the show, but the lack of diversity in the first episodes when there are many suitors makes it seem deliberate.

  4. Ashley, I love this article. It’s something I’ve been thinking about a lot, but in a different context: ie. not for women of different races/ethnicities, but all women who deviate in any way from this image of tall, slim, white women. We all deserve not just to be represented, but to be cast as the object of affections and the receivers of compliments. As a very short, curvy brunette, it’s not often that I get to see myself reflected in the media. So like you said – easy to feel invisible in the real world.

  5. And when you DO see women of color on reality TV, we’re fighting in nice restos and throwing shoes at each other in nightclubs.