The other day, Sunny and I were driving home from school and we passed by the old apartment building where she was conceived. I nostalgically pointed to the apartment building and said, “Look, Sunny, that’s where Daddy and I made you.”
UM, GROSS. Why would I think my 5-year-old wanted to hear that? And in no way was I going to tell my daughter how we made her.
Then, of course, the inevitable question, “How did you make me, Mama?”
“Um,” (silence for like 10 seconds) “Well, actually, we went to the seed store, picked out the most perfect looking seed we could and then went to a pet store and we gave the owner the seed and told him to give the seed to the stork and the stork would deliver you to us and put you in my tummy when you were ready.” Genius. And it only took me 10 seconds to come up with that peach.
“Why a stork?” Damnit.
“Well, because storks were chosen years ago by a famous Queen named Queen Victoria (she was actually Cinderella’s mother) to be the deliverers of all babies.” I mean, I’m crushing it, here.
“And how does the stork know where you live?“
Would you stop it? “Oh, well, because the seeds all have addresses on them.” Check and mate.
“But what if you move?”
“Well, then the Stork knows because he has a really big nose so he can smell the family he is looking for anyway.” And I reach for the radio…
“What if the stork is locked out? Will he bang on the door until someone hears him? And what if no one is home? Does he just sit outside with the baby? And what if…”
I desperately tried to change the subject and finally blurted out:
“Sunny, this is very important. We cannot question where we came from because storks can hear us up in the sky, and if they hear us they could all get very offended and all fall down at once and crush our cars and then we will never be able to have babies in this world ever again.”
Sunny just looked me and then up at the sky and said, “I respect you, storks.”