Gumdrop Lane

When Romantic Comedies Get Creepy

There are certain supposed romantic comedies that just rub me the wrong way. There are way more creepy things happening than comedy or romance. Sometimes very few people agree with me when I make note of any aforementioned creep factors. But I refuse to stand down. Sometimes movies just get it wrong.

This isn’t about characters seeming desperate. This isn’t about “If a woman did the things a man did in romantic comedies, it would be so creepy.” This is about universal creepiness. This is about something being so disturbing you forget you’re watch a romance or a comedy. It’s about thinking you’ve accidentally plucked something from the horror shelf. Or maybe the thriller shelf. Or perhaps just foreign romantic comedies. Because everyone knows foreign movies are just wacky!

Here are prime examples of films that get the romantic comedy very wrong:

1) Big

So you have a 13-year-old boy in a man’s body being seduced by an adult lady. This has a major ick factor. I watched this when I was a kid so it grossed me out even more to imagine myself being embiggened, only to have an adult man try and seduce my adult body with my kid brain in it. It’s weird. It’s just weird.

Sure, there are tons of great things in this movie – but I found the adult/child falling in love romance factor to be just a touch too much for my small brain to handle. If I’m going to watch a Tom Hanks movie that’s kind of creepy, I’ll turn on You’ve Got Mail, thanks very much.

2) Overboard

A horrible rich woman falls overboard only to be rescued by a workman she was super rude to on her yacht. Her punishment? A strong case of amnesia and kidnapping, of course! Kurt Russell tells this woman that she’s his wife. That they have kids together. And she’s basically their slave. Parts of this movie are funny and fun, but overall the whole thing leaves just a terrible taste in one’s mouth. It’s really really weird. Imagine you’re in an accident and are brainwashed only to have some random stranger insist you’re his wife and mother to his children. Now imagine you find out that none of that was true. Yuck times eleventy billion.

However, her ridiculous rich lady wardrobe gets an A+. Or an A++. It gets both. It gets both types of As.

3) Sleepless in Seattle

Nora Ephron, I love you for a lot of things, but not this. This movie is super creepy. It’s about a stalker. It made me scared obsessive ladies who heard me on the radio were going to show up outside my house. Poor Tom Hanks. He’s always getting creeped on. Remember that voodoo hippy seductress Jenny in Forrest Gump? And that chick from Big who I just wrote about a few paragraphs ago? And just look at this:

Just look at the obsessive desire Hooch is aiming at Turner. So lascivious. Again, I prefer Tom Hanks being the creeper. Like in You’ve Got Mail.  He shuts down Meg’s store, lies to her, and eats all the garnish. That’s the Tom Hanks I love.

4) Love Actually

Remember that one dude who’s in love with Keira Knightley who’s marrying his best friend? Yeah, so as videographer of his best friend’s wedding he chooses to do all intense and prolonged close ups on just the bride. And then when she wants her wedding video he tries to hide it from her because he knows how disturbing it is! Imagine your best friend doing your wedding video and basically cropping you out of the entire thing, focusing on just your betrothed. The creepy dude probably also has a photo album of the blessed couple where he has little cut-outs of his head stuck on his best friend’s body. This guy was weird.

And then he shows up at her front door pretending he’s a group of children Christmas carolers and has her read all these cards that tell her he loves her. For the love of Christmas, man, have you no shame?! But she does end up giving him a kiss because it’s totally not creepy at all if your husband’s BFF has an unhealthy obsession with you and his efforts should totally be rewarded.

5) 50 First Dates

This poor woman suffers from irreparable short term memory loss, and her family and friends keep recreating the same day to keep her from knowing anything is wrong. This is bizarre enough in itself. Add to that Adam Sandler, who insists on trying to have a relationship with this woman. This is a pretty bad movie overall, but the cherry on the creep sundae is at the end where you find out they eventually get married and have kids.

Imagine waking up every day for nine months, discovering you’re pregnant. That’s terrifying. And then once you have the kid being made to understand you have a kid. Every day. When you have no idea. Also, that strange man in your bed is your husband. This movie is all kinds of wrong and shoots off the creepiness charts entirely.

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