What It's Like To Know You'll End Up on ‘Hoarders'

I’m going to end up on Hoarders. I accept it, I’m not complaining about it, I’m just telling you that that’s how it’s going to play out for me.

Just kidding, I plan on being so rich some day that I can pay someone to clean up after me constantly and it won’t be a problem, but I definitely have hoarder-y vibes.

Check out this video I made off all the stuff that was in my bed when I was around 24 years old:

While it’s not that bad anymore, it’s still not great. I recently told my roommate that if I had more space, everything jammed on top of my desk or in my closet or on the floor wouldn’t look so bad. And you know, there are less sanitary things to have lying around then an empty bottle of water or a bag of Trader Joe’s trail mix. It could all be a lot worse, so I have to pat myself on the back for that. I’m great!

But honestly? As much as I’m freakin’ awesome, I’m also totally gross. My laundry overwhelms my room. Every surface in my home that I am in charge of looks like a Barnes & Noble, the accessories section at Urban Outfitter and a 7-11 had a three day orgy. I will go WEEKS without cleaning a dish. I will completely throw my towels on the floor after a shower, reuse them twice, and abandon them in the laundry basket, which I only tend to about once a month. Sure, I’m occasionally embarrassed when a guest sees my mess, but most of the time I think, “Whatever. Everyone has a friend like this. It’s part of my genius. I’m an artist. It’s a little funny, too. If you can’t laugh about how messy I am, then that’s your damn problem. Hahaha, look at all those clothes. What a loon you are, Molly. High-five!”

On the flip side, I love to shower, have clean hair and impeccable nails, make sure my outfits n’ junk look cute. I’m not a for real mess. I’m like… a Jessica Simpson mess. Remember on Newlyweds? Remember how Jessica Simpson and Nick Lachey basically got divorced because of piles of clothing?

I don’t want to live my life like this, but I need spiritual intervention. My mom didn’t raise me to be this way, but this messiness is so ingrained in me that it feels like more of a nature thing than a nurture thing. My soul was born messy, and therefore I am messy. I’m always wondering what it’s going to take for me to clean up my act, and I really think it’s going to be something awful, like a car crash or everything I own being repossessed or some other lesson where you can’t not live differently after. Maybe like, I’ll meet a dude that I feel guilty being messy around or maybe I’ll learn to truly believe that I deserve to be in a happy and clutter-free environment.

But you know, I don’t really see that happening. I see me getting really wealthy and then just paying someone to do everything a normal person does for me. Because if that doesn’t happen, I’ll be on Hoarders, and that would be really embarrassing.

In the meantime, do you guys have any tips for me on how not to be so disgusting?

  • http://www.facebook.com/amanda.clark Amanda Clark

    I try to do a little something everyday, and I usually do it to music, which makes it SLIGHTLY less grumpi-fying. And I always do my dishes the day I dirty them. Always always always. Waking up to a sink of dishes bums me out big time.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1032989439 Emily Horton

    plastic storage tubs and plastic drawer dresser thingeys are my bff…i feel like amini hoarder myself. also if you live in a small space and have lots you want to save get s small storage unit…or toss stuff you can let go of :)…donate to salvation army because they have the best prices..goodwill is like shopping at any retail store..expensive. Good Luck!!!

  • http://www.facebook.com/jennifermherd Jennifer Herd

    Take a day over the weekend and sort out ALL your clothes – do laundry, put things away, organize, etc. Then make a plan to choose outfits as you go through the week, and every day, clear the floor and surfaces of stuff you’ve tried on. Make a habit of not leaving the house until all items are stored properly. It sounds like a pain in the ass at first but you get used to it pretty quickly! I used to leave piles of clothes all over my room until I moved in with my boyfriend. He’s just as bad as me so we’ve been working on these good habits.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100000613905134 Frankie Zoe Leinbach

    So here I am sitting on the couch, thinking about how messy my apartment is and how badly I need to clean it, when I get on fb (because you have to do that first before you start anything ever) and I see this post! It sure didn’t get the clothes off my bathroom floor, but it did make me feel way better. Thanks Molls!

  • http://www.facebook.com/WritingInBed Marianna Tabares

    Well, I told myself I would take Thursday and today to leave the house spotless, but instead I sort of just commit to only cleaning one room a day, and yesterday that was the kitchen. Today it might be that I’ll do some laundry and be done for the day. As I’ve aged, I feel like I just don’t have that same drive I used to have to be super clean and have everything all perfect. Thank goodness too because I didn’t want my family getting too spoiled.
    Living in squalor is not always so terrible.

  • http://www.facebook.com/janestrakergray Jane Ess Gee

    ha! no tips from me as i AM that friend of everybody else’s. born this way fo sho! more space helps, but my room is still laundry-laden even though i’m in a house now. something about wearing only 20% of my wardrobe 80% of the time, and the rest just getting in the way.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=501081232 Stephanie Neutze

    I love this. I’m totally the same way. I end up with various piles and mounds of stuff….mostly magazines, clothes and half full water glasses. But I’m proud to say that i have great spatial awareness. I can find anything in my organized chaos. The container store at century city mall has saved my life. The mini shoe bins are perfect for make up, nail polish and other miscellaneous bathroom junk and stack perfectly under the sink. And they have these great slim hangers that almost double your closet space….

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1574504750 Rae Ghun

    On this is so me it’s terrifying. Except the big man I the house does not approve, often grumbles, and who could blame him? But I do clean up here and there so he isn’t constantly on my case. Ll

  • http://www.facebook.com/SamanthaNicholeH Samantha Nichole

    I actually used to be EXTREMELY messy (I would make a pathway to my bed and sleep with crap on it,) and I have improved tremendously.

    1. I had a friend go through all my clothes with me and throw out everything that was over a year or two old.
    2. I gave all my junk to Goodwill (posters, random stuffed animals, useless stuff.)
    3. I now wake up 20 minutes early so, after I’m done getting ready, I clean every morning.

    I’ve completely changed. :s

  • http://www.facebook.com/zynpgrcn Zeynep Gurcan

    wow, that sounds exactly like me! well let me share a few memories with you:

    1)when i was back in Canada, i seriously COULD not fit through my door ; not because i was overwhelmingly fat or anything but because of all the clothes lying on the floor and literally clogging the doorway, so i had to open the door, kick some of the clothes further into the room with my feet then squeeze myself through the door.
    2)the other day my boss told me that my desk had to have a more “CORPORATE” look to it, meaning: i had to get rid of piles of paper that i’ve been meaning to shred but instead left it on my desk; for like months…
    3)i bursted into tears the other day because i lost a 50 dollar bill and well because i’m a broke legal intern…then found it on my bedroom floor, soaked, because i have thrown my used towels on the 50 dollar bill…

    oh and don’t even get me started on when i had to carry all the stuff from my locker in 2 huge garbage bags (gym bag from the last semester, skates, EVERY single book i borrowed from the library and eventually had to pay about 50 dollars for not returning them back on time) funny thing is i dont even know how i managed to fit that much stuff in a tiny little locker. lol.

  • http://www.facebook.com/duane.fernandez Duane Hansen Fernandez

    I love the video. Wags steals the show.

  • http://www.facebook.com/Joodeeb Judi Barber

    This is me, too, but I am working my way through this site: http://www.flylady.net/d/getting-started/
    The Flylady shows you ways to get out of CHAOS (Can’t Have Anyone Over Syndrome) with babysteps and small changes… I really recommend her methods as they truly work if you do it just a little at a time.

  • http://www.facebook.com/ampiparedes Amparo Paredes Mellado

    OMG! I would love to clean your room! Sounds weird but I LOVE cleaning messy rooms.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100001751714971 Dani Christopher

    oh man. this is my life. i hate it though, the only reason it’s like that is because i’m too broke to buy furniture to properly store anything. my parents are basically hoarders and i used to get bruises from tripping over boxes and other random crap, so i vowed to never live like that. unfortunately, then the reality of having to choose between food and ikea furniture set in…ah, young adulthood. also though i did spend my summer stuck on my parents’ couch spending every day trying to make a dent in their giant mess, and i still haven’t quite recovered from that. or found a bunch of things from my childhood that my mother claims she never donated. we’ll see about that.

  • http://www.facebook.com/Rachel.Mary.Papworth Rachel Papworth

    Hi Molly. You sound quite upbeat about your situation until you say “I don’t want to live my life like this”. I help people all over the world declutter and create homes they love and I could give you thousands of decluttering tips. But it sounds like that’s not what would make the difference. What WOULD is getting clear what the effect of living as you do now is on your life and, even more crucially, what would be possible for you if you lived a decluttered and organised life. You can get a free masterclass on this from my website (http://www.mygreenandtidylife.co.uk) if you want to explore it further. Best of luck and thanks for sharing your thoughts.

  • http://www.facebook.com/p.ngu89 Phuong Nguyen

    Your video is awesome, I cannot imagine how you sleep with that much stuff on your bed.

    I was overwhelmed by my shit and I knew I couldn’t take it anymore when my room was filled to barely habitable limits. So I did some googling on decluttering because I seriously did not know where to start and found minimalism. The website that I found was http://www.missminimalist.com

    Since then it has seriously changed my life and I have turned a new leaf where I simply could not go back to the hoarding ways. It helps to not be messy when there isn’t much stuff to mess with.

    Hope you look into it!

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