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What Is Real? Thoughts On Gaming And Platonic Love

Last Valentine’s Day I wrote one of my favorite articles, “The Power Up of Love. Hundreds of gamers wrote to me, sharing their heartfelt stories of finding true romance, in what many considered, the most unexpected place.

When we think of Valentine’s Day, we mostly dream of chocolates and roses from our significant others. But I can’t help but to think back to the days of grade school, when the entire classroom got Valentine cards from everyone. From our friends.

Platonic love is just as strong in video games as romantic love, though it’s hard to explain.

This Valentine’s Day, I want to share a story from a gamer named Andrew M. Byrne. Andrew writes a blog called ByrneJournal.com, and recently experienced the loss of an in-game friend. Although parting is such sweet sorrow, the message that Andrew discovered is incredibly loving and deeply moving.

By randomly finding one of the short “in-game books” scattered across the popular MMO, Andrew found a way to connect with the reality of life, love and in-game friendships. Coincidentally, this particular book, “Old Ri and the Million Souls“, was written by a dear friend of mine, Dave Kosak aka “Fargo”.

Loss of an Online Friend” by Andrew M Bryne:

As many know, I am an online gamer. I enjoy World of Warcraft the most, because I think it harnesses more dimensions of community and interaction than most any other game I’ve come across. One of the questions that people often ask about World of Warcraft is whether you can actually be friends with people you’ve never met in person, or “IRL” (in real life).

Two days ago, I learn that an in-game friend (fellow player) has passed away. He is fairly well known on our server, Kilrogg US, Alliance side. I feel a hole in my friends list- someone I’ve chatted with about health and family, about career and life, and humanity, is gone now. Today, I am talking with an in-real-life friend about the loss and how saddened I am to lose my friend, and he asks “was he really there to begin with?”

I answer yes, and it’s hard to understand if you haven’t taken part in online community. It doesn’t replace “real life”- it’s actually just more interactive than staring at the TV. I have much more an interactive relationship with these folks than TV watchers have with Oprah, or the cast of Glee. We all have lives too. We’re counselors, educators, students, financial advisers, artists, engineers, parents and sons and daughters.

Today while I’m thinking on this, I come across one of the in-game books. I enjoy the books, they often have wit, wisdom, or weirdness. This book didn’t disappoint and it so beautifully addresses the question of online friends and “realness”: (copyright goes to Blizzard, I hope they don’t mind!)


Old Ri and the Million Souls

Late one autumn evening, two good friends sat on the deck behind the Lazy Turnip Inn. Below them slumbered the quiet farming town of Halfhill. The midnight air was cool to the skin. A thin misting fog had begun to coat the rolling green hills of the valley below with dew, and the spire of the Imperial Granary stood out as a dark shadow against the brilliant canvas of stars overhead.

An evening of good food and many hours smoking the native herbs had put the two friends in a contemplative mood.

Zhi – the younger and more tightly wound of the two companions – suddenly asked a very pointed question: “What if none of this is real?”

His old friend Ri, who until now had been leaning back with his hat over his eyes, lifted up the straw brim to peer at his friend. “A serious question?” he said, his brown eyes gleaming intently. Zhi swept his arm over the horizon, indicating the whole of the valley. “What if we are just images, drawn into someone’s painting?” he asked. He touched the side of his face, gasping. “What if we are characters in a book!?”

Old Ri hugged his belly with both hands and bellowed a deep, contemplative laugh. He took the smoking pipe from his friend Zhi and set it aside.

“Behind the eyes sits a person’s soul,” Old Ri answered at last. “Their essence: the thinking, loving, emotional core of being. My soul makes me real, as does yours.”

And now Old Ri rose to stand beside his friend. He put his arm around Zhi’s shoulder and drew his attention to the valley below. “See there below us, to our right? The farmer’s market?” In the cool autumn darkness, the Halfhill Market was like an island of warm yellow light amongst the dark undulating hills. Colorful flags rippled in the chill breeze, and figures could be seen moving amongst the stalls, buying supplies or bartering the fruits of their labor. The sound of their voices and laughter, indistinguishable from one another but unmistakably alive, could be heard all the way to the inn.

Those figures moving about, each of them has a soul,” Old Ri continued. “And together, we share this space. Millions of souls, sharing one place together. Our place! Halfhill is real, so long as you and I are here together to enjoy it.” Satisfied, Old Ri returned to his seat and motioned to the innkeeper for another drink.

Zhi lingered at the edge of the patio, resting his weight against the rough timber of a pillar. He breathed in the cool air, and watched fireflies dart amongst the waving starlit grasses of the fields below. “Ri,” he said at last. “Painting or no, if our souls are to share a place, I would share no other with you.

Old Ri tipped his hat back over his eyes and answered with a warm rumble of agreement. The sound of crickets mixed with the lively bustle of the market below lulled the two friends back into a blissful silence. – (In-Game Book found in Halfhill Inn)

RIP “Hardrock,” I will miss you. You are, indeed, one in a million, and I am happy to have shared this place with you.

Thank you, Andrew, for letting me republish your story, and thank you Fargo for this very genuine portrait of friendship.

Love comes in many forms, and our friendships with one another are just as deep as any other. <3 Happy Valentine’s Day to everyone with whom we share our souls <3

Find Andrew on his blog ByrneJournal / twitter @ByrneJournal.


Featured Image:  TrendHunter

Additional Images: World of Warcraft / Blizzard Entertainment

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1099343467 Brittany Elfer

    My boyfriend and I of 3 years met online on a video game and today still continue to play video games together. We are both players of World of Warcraft and are extremely happy in our relationship. Love does come from strange places! :)

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=614628601 Sarah Todd

    I’m a gamer and have experienced this kind of loss before. It really shakes you but when you try and explain the loss to, in my case, family, they don’t seem to understand.
    There are downsides to the internet but strong bonds can be formed and maintained with significant ease, despite never having met the person. I feel a strong platonic love for at least 5 people that I’ve never met, two of which have never even heard my voice.
    A loss is a loss. Regardless of any BS that mainstream society requires. My thoughts go out to Andrew.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1693968663 Ed Lew

    A little history about me – About 8 years ago I started playing WoW (World of Warcraft) casually, about a year later, out of left field I was blindsided by who I thought was the woman of my dreams and wife leaving me and our 15 month old daughter for a “different” life… It was at that point I had to make a decision, do I let my family keep an ear out for my lil’Bug (my nickname for my daughter) while I go out at night and try to enjoy the “Bar Life” or stay home and always be there for her just in case she wakes up for what ever reason… I chose to stay home… and after work, dinner, bath time, story time, Dada & Bug time, and tucking her in bed I got on WoW…
    WoW became my social outlet and I have met so many wonderful “Souls” in game (and even a few IRL). Over these years, I have attended Memorials for players that have gathered players on both Alliance and Horde, I have had to say farewell to friends who had to leave due to “RL getting in the way”, and I have to take some breaks myself…
    My heart goes out to all those who in one way or another have lost someone in game, because for us WoW-heads and gamers, this IS a part of our Real Life and unless you experience this first hand, there is nothing we can say to make those who are not gamers understand.
    Andrew I am very sorry for your loss and will think of you and your friend every time see Caylee in Shat or visit Elder Ezra Wheathoof during Lunar Festival.

    • http://www.michelemorrow.com Michele Morrow

      <3 Lunar Festival <3 That is such a sweet story , thank you so much for sharing!!

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