From Our Readers What I Learned From Watching ‘Seinfeld' From Our Readers

I love Seinfeld. My sister and I can recite a plethora of quotes from all nine seasons. I would really love a reunion show, like, stat. I own practically all the seasons and honestly, I can never get bored of them. Seinfeld still makes me laugh just as much as it did when I first saw it. I don’t know too many Seinfeld fans; in fact, my sister and a co-worker are the only ones that get my quotes and you know what? That’s okay. It makes us that much cooler, muhahaha. With nine seasons, you can bet there is much to be learned and here’s what Seinfeld taught me:

Serenity now will only lead to insanity later.

Consider whether or not he is truly sponge-worthy; make them count.

There’s nothing more pathetic than a grown man afraid of women.

If you’re a woman without any female friends, then that’s because you’re a “Man’s Woman”; you hate other women and they hate you.

When purchasing an apartment, always ask “What’s the rent?” before showing interest.

Keep it simple when ordering soup from the soup nazi or else “no soup for you”.

When life isn’t working out for you, do the opposite of everything. Up is down, down is up; you say goodbye when you enter and hello when you leave.

If someone buys you cashmere sweater, then it’s  probably damaged and you should search for a  red dot.

The only warning label people really respect is dry-clean only. Speed limits, lung cancer, cigarette warnings – your very life is at stake and people just go, “Aah, the hell with it!” But dry-clean only? “Don’t put that in the wash!!! It’s dry-clean only! ARE YOU CRAZY?!”

No one wants to hear about how happy the two of you are. If you can’t say something bad about a relationship, you shouldn’t say anything at all.

Being master of your domain is no easy task; don’t make a bet you’ll be sure to lose.

Be sure to always return you library books or they will find you even after 10+ years.

Going out with someone only because he is good-looking? Not okay for a woman, but somehow it’s different for a man; they are expected to be superficial.

Men can sit through the most boring movie if there’s even the slightest possibility that a woman will take her top off.

When you ask someone about their relationship and he/she touches his/her face, you know it’s not going too well.

The higher up on the face you go, the worse the relationship is getting.

If you ever get a ticket for public urination, try out this excuse:

“You know, I have been issued a public urination pass by the city because of my condition. Unfortunately, my little brother ran out of the house with it this morning. Him and his friends are probably peeing all over the city.”

If you’ve been out with a person seven times, you have to break up with them face-to-face.
If it’s been six times, it’s okay to do it over the phone, but seven dates makes it a face-to-face break-up.

When thinking over other options after quitting your job, you might realize that it could have been a huge mistake.That you did not completely think it through. What do you do? Just go back. Pretend like it never happened. You’re an emotional person. People don’t take you seriously. Just pretend the whole thing never happened.

You can bet there will be more parts to this post loves. :)

Xo

Zelina

You can follow Zelina on Twitter

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  1. [...] Note this post has been featured on Hello Giggles too [...]

  2. Tippie toe! Tippie toe! Lemon Tree!

  3. you got me to watch I love Lucy, Sex in the city, and Now I will start my first Seinfeld episodes, so I can relate to your jokes. Great Job, Love your style. What’s next

  4. More lessons: Don’t buy cheap wedding invitations! Don’t invite your ex girlfriend to live in your building! Don’t pretend to be marine biologist/architect/doctor/latex salesman! Don’t buy a very expensive suede jacket! Don’t mess with Mandelbaums!

  5. You gotta see the baby!

  6. In high school we had to do “Dramatic Presentations” for English one year. Me and my Seinfeld loving group of friends chose the Soup Nazi episode. Majority of our classmates didn’t get it, but we had a blast, and got an A!

  7. Please be sure to try the Mackinaw Peaches. They’re only good for two weeks!

  8. THIS IS GOLD, JERRY, GOLD!

    Apocalypstick | 11/11/2011 10:11 am
  9. If you are a man, never let a woman see you naked if you’ve just gotten out of the pool.

  10. for my boyfriend’s last birthday, I got him a t-shirt that says “NO SOUP FOR YOU” on the front… I’m argentinian…. and the soup nazi moved to argentina…. so…

    • oh my gosh genius!I’m going to look into this because i’d never take that shirt off. Or I’ll get one that says “They’re real and they’re spectacular!” Across my chest. or you can stop short with me lol

    • I contacted someone who made it for me… I actually ask them to write “dont push your luck litte man” on the back.
      Custom made, not so expensive, you know…
      We get a lot of “niiiice t-shirt” on the street

    • That’s awesome! Where on earth can I get that?

  11. I should have read this two weeks ago before I ordered a complicated ice crem from the Icre Cream Nazi in Brussels….

  12. NEVER go to the Dixieland Deli before a Thanksgiving Eve party, especially when you want a date for New Years Eve with THE dentist!

  13. Don’t take your expense account for granted.
    Don’t use your ex-boyfriend, now friend’s mom’s pee for an urinalysis.
    If you want to bring a chocolate babka to a dinner party, order in advance.
    Don’t play golf with ex-baseball players.

  14. Never plan your wedding for Super Bowl Sunday

  15. “YOU’RE BALD.” “I WAS bald.”
    “Who doesn’t like Junior Mints? They’re very refreshing!”
    The Marble Rye! NYC marathon/dentist/Jon Voigt car! Bubble Boy!!

    Sigh. So many classic episodes. I grew up on Seinfeld. We quote it in my family. I’m baffled more people don’t get my references… Great post!! : )

    • I KNOW!!!!!!!!!!!! It’s so aggravating when people don’t get my references. I put as my fb status update the other day, “I’m not happy, I’m not lucky and I don’t go.” Two people got it and one person was like, HUH? The same person who has two cats, one named Jerry and the other Seinfeld. It told her she needed to change her cats names. She never gets ANY of my Seinfeld references.

    • me too! just yesterday I was singing “Just driving around in Jon Voights car” No one gets it :(

  16. Don’t wear an Oriole’s hat to a Yankee game!

  17. NEVER leave your subway seat, even for a minute! Not even for a gyro!!!

  18. If you’re in the Hamptons, ALWAYS get tomatoes!
    Don’t smoke cigars in a cabin.
    When you autograph a picture, think your message through before you put the sharpie on it!
    NEVER take over for a doorman, even if for just a few minutes, unless you’re prepared to pay for a couch.

  19. If you bought a big salad for somebody, it would be nice if they knew it!

  20. I love Seinfeld. It makes my boyfriend a little insane that within the first two minutes of an episode I say “This is the one where this, this and this happens, and Elaine/George/Jerry says this and it’s really funny” and then still laugh the entire episode. Good stuff.