I asked my boyfriend what I should write about this week and, after some hilarious comedy suggestions*, he said I should write about Wimbledon.

It’s actually a great suggestion – Wimbledon is so British that, once suggested, I couldn’t not write about it. The problem is that, well, I just have no idea about tennis. I like exercise but my co-ordination is such that I always avoided competitive sports. I like watching sports on TV, but was always too distracted by Glastonbury Festival to have time to dedicate to Wimbledon.

So I’ll do my best. Here’s what I know about Wimbledon.

1: Players

All my countrymen & countrywomen go mad every year for Tim Henman, but I don’t know if he was even in it this year. Andy Murray won on Saturday night, in a match that set some kind of record for going on later at night than ever before. He didn’t play particularly well but the other guy kinda gave up when it got late.

The Williams sisters are amazing.

2: Scoring

I don’t know how the scoring works in tennis. It goes 15-30-40-win? Right? And that’s a game. First to 6 games wins the set, but something complicated happens if it’s 6-5 at that point.

I think then women play to best of 3 sets wins the match and men play to best of 5. I don’t know what sportswomen think of that difference.

3: Icons

John McEnroe was angry once. Or a lot.

There’s an iconic (male) player with a scraggly ponytail.

The classic poster of the tennis girl scratching her bum was not Anna Kournikova.

Boris Becker.

4: Food

Strawberries and cream are the dish of choice at Wimbledon. I suspect there may also be cucumber sandwiches, but I’m not sure.

5: Audience

Once there was a long delay between matches and everyone got bored. So Cliff Richard got up from the crowd and sang. Apparently this was a good thing and entertaining, and no-one threw their strawberries and cream at him.

6. The Bigger Picture

Wimbledon is just one of some Grand Slam tournaments, and the results go into some kind of world ranking. I think Wimbledon was the first world famous tennis tournaments…or THE first. One of the other Grand Slams is the US Open. I’ve just learned from this HelloGiggles post on Centre Court Cuties that there’s also a French Open. And that, indeed, there are some total centre court cuties.

I am not sure where the term ‘seed’ comes into it.

7: The Roof

When the weather is bad (which it invariably is, being held in the UK in June/July), they close the roof. This takes ages and everyone gets bored, even the commentators.

8: Ball Boys/Ball Girls

Watching the Ball Boys/Girls – the ones who crouch at the sides, run after stray balls and thrown in new ones – at Wimbledon is strangely hypnotic. If they miss a step – which they rarely do – your heart goes out to them. Despite their giggle-some job title.

9: Wombles

The Wombles live under Wimbledon common, not Wimbledon tennis courts (I used to get this confused as a child. I am glad I have it all cleared up now).

So, all in all, I know very little about the event that is Wimbledon and even less about the actual sport behind it. I’m disappointed – I really thought I’d somehow dig deep and find some kind of more substantial knowledge when I started thinking about it. So if anyone feels like taking me for a tennis lesson (or indeed a tennis match) then perhaps I could do with the education!

Image originally via Lucy Clark / Shutterstock.

* Mini Milks and the Smiling Dog.