Last week, a guy-friend asked me, “What do girls talk about when they’re together?”
I thought about that for a minute. ”Everything.”
“That’s impossible. You can’t talk about everything. There has to be a topic,” he said in disbelief.
“I suppose sometimes we’ll talk about something, but mostly we talk about everything.”
He just couldn’t wrap his head around it: ”In every guy conversation there is a main topic, there is a sub-topic and then there are the details,” he explained. ”Main Topic: Sports. Sub-Topic: Basketball. Details: ’Can you believe Carmelo Anthony’…”
Now, I might be generalizing, but in the last 31 years of my life, that sort of methodical organization hasn’t existed in a single conversation I’ve ever had with one of my BFFs, ever. For real. I feel like conversations with my girlfriends are filled with digressions, randomness, complaints, experiences and then everything else unclassifiable that can conveniently fall under the heading “girl talk”. That’s what I love about spending time with girlfriends. The sheer level of our shared conversational-ADD is generally of epic proportions.
But what the heck DO we talk about? After a recent evening spent with one of my BFFs, I decided to make a list. This, guy-friend, is a chronologically ordered, topic-to-topic flow of four hours of girl conversation.
This is what girls talk about when we’re together:
Elastic waisted jeans
Forever21 selling maternity wear
Teen Mom
Eating too much and feeling fat
The hate we share for doing dishes
Dishwashers in NYC: do they exist?
Jewelry
Receiving jewelry
Receiving gifts
Receiving bad gifts
Unemployment
How to avoid unemployment
Christmas cards
Expired driver’s licenses
The DMV
Lines at the DMV
Coffee
The brand of coffee at my house
Dunkin Donuts Toasted Almond coffee
The yumminess of unsweetened, non-dairy coconut creamer
That creepy framed photo of my distant relative in my hallway
Coffee sweetener preferences
Time Warner Cable
My DVR list
Episodes of Mad About You
Our favorite types of pens
Our iPhones
Boys
Michael Buble
The amazingness of all Kiehl’s products
Our copious amounts of monthly bills
My amazing new mid-century modern wicker desk chair
Why we still like to write checks
Our families
Our crazy family members
Friends who visit
Friends who take advantage while visiting
Our shared desire to start canning jams & pickles
The gym and why we hate it
Eating disorders
The side effects of drinking too much sparkling water
Wine
The short-lived infestation German cockroaches I once suffered through
How to get rid of German cockroaches
Our boobs
Smelly candles
The Herp & other STDs we are thankful not to have
Back to wine
Friends
Shared friends
Flaky friends
Shared flaky friends
Addicts
Back to eating disorders
The guy across the street who stares into my apartment
The other guy across who I see watching porn while he’s on his exercise bike
Porn, in general
One night stands
What it was like when we were in our 20s
What it was like when we were 20lbs lighter
The South
Wanting a snack
Back to eating disorders
Ex Boyfriends
Friends who have affairs
Friends who have open relationships
My uncomfortable Ikea sofa
Why I should stop complaining about my uncomfortable Ikea sofa
Sex
When Ex Boyfriends want to rekindle a relationship
Condoms
80% cacao chocolate bars (aka gross chocolate)
Pedicures
The weirdness of foot fetishes
Twitter
Common Gynocological Issues
Los Angeles
The 405
Generalized Anxiety Disorder
Generalized Anxiety Disorder and Unprotected sex
Prescription pill-poppers
Our love of tea
Whole Foods
Fan mail
Starting a fan mail business
How to become someone’s Ghost Tweeter
The Golden Girls
Bad sex
Good sex
Really good sex
Reality TV shows
Jobs
Moving
People we know who have recently moved
People we know who have recently died
Bar soap versus body wash
Why my having Celiac blows
Moroccan Oil and general hair care tips
Really wanting a snack
Friends who have babies
Having babies, in general
Commuting to work
Penis size
Periods
Our former bosses
Our current bosses
How our former bosses know our current bosses
Paying taxes
Expenses
Back to paying taxes
Buying new computers and claiming them as an expense on your taxes
Kittens
Our salaries
Having to call back my Dad
Making plans to see each other again
Wanting kittens
Main Topic: Girls. Sub Topic: Many. Details: Lots.
Featured image via swankola
good music, bad music, good tv shows, bad shows, teen mom, jersey shore, getting in fights, watching fights, chicks who can’t fight, chicks we wouldn’t mess with, cute guys, hot guys, ugly guys, gay best friends, cute chicks beautiful chicks, Victoria’s secret, hot topic, Jeffree Star <3, boyfriends, girl friends, new shoes, new jeans, new sweaters, new horse, horse shows, coffee, tea, weather, sports, good movies, bad movies, glasses, shaving, jobs, college, cars, trucks, baby horses, scars, good books, bad books, nails, hair, mom, dad, siblings, summer plans, moving out and a lot more that I can't think of right now
oh and that’s what teenage girls talk about
Girl Talk (the game) is a nice summary of being a young girl in the 80′s……
Brava, Vanessa! Well said, all of it!
“The short-lived infestation German cockroaches I once suffered through
How to get rid of German cockroaches
Our boobs
Smelly candles”
I’d really like to know how you got from German cockroaches to boobs… but i’m also afraid of the answer….
Yep, just laughed out loud at my desk. Thank you for that. Boys will never understand us. And I’m sure you could’ve squeezed some more topics in there if you didn’t have to pause to write things down.
I totally had that game too! now it makes me nostalgic and sad at the same time.
I had that game, too! I loved it. That picture alone brings back memories… this is a great conversation list.
Yep. Basically. I go off on tangents all the time. Why would we have to break it down? One thing can always lead to another!
Sounds about right!
this made me lol so much. thank you
Haha, so true! Whenever I talk to my boyfriend after hanging out with friends and he asks what we talked about, I always respond “Everything!”
That was the most invigorating blog I read this week! Thanks Vanessa. OH BTW….. I had that game. Loved it. Played it with my girlfriends or sometimes by myself regularly
That’s spot on. Wait until one of you has a kid. The list will swell to ridiculous proportions.
My best friend is a guy but this sounds exactly like the conversations we have. Totally going to make a list next time…