Notes From The Powder Room

Wet N Wild: Don't Call it a Comeback, But I'm Having a Moment With Their Lipstick Right Now.

Wet N Wild has always held a special place in my heart, as it is easily the most embarrassing drugstore brand in existence. Just a mere glance at the display transports me back to a very notable time in my life, during which I wore a lot of glitter, dabbled in chunky highlights and inadvertently licked guacamole off my then-boyfriend’s braces. I was 13 and times were tough.

But when I was dancing through the aisles of CVS the other day, nostalgia took the wheel and I found myself drawn to the Wet N Wild Megalast Lip Color. I’m the world’s biggest sucker for lipstick and recession-friendly prices ($3! No, you hang up first!), so of course I was like, let’s do this.

I picked up 903C Just Peachy (a peachy pink nude), 905D Smokin’ Hot Pink (… a hot pink) and 911D Stoplight Red (which is red). This line is semi-matte, meaning that if you’re prone to dry lips, try my three-step process to making matte lips work for you: 1. Exfoliate. 2. Moisturize. 3. Pray.

Can you tell which of the following is NARS Carthage ($25… I know: look at my life; look at my choices), which is MAC Ruby Woo ($14.50), which is Wet N Wild Stoplight Red and which is Wet N Wild Smokin’ Hot Pink?

Don’t lie. You can’t. But the answers are (left to right): MAC Ruby Woo, Wet N Wild Stoplight, Wet N Wild Smokin’ Hot Pink and NARS Carthage.

Anyway, the Wet N Wild lipsticks are crazy pigmented, velvety and true to color.

Here’s Smokin’ Hot Pink: Are my lips and this lipstick not complete clones? Nothing’s worse than when you do something silly like assume that the advertised color is going to have any semblance of a relationship to the applied color only to discover that it so does not. None of that is happening here!

This is Just Peachy. It allows me to skate on the very fine line between “late for a Jersey Shore casting call” and “racially ambiguous Audrey Hepburn”, which I love. I actually think this color would look infinitely better on someone with fairer skin than I have, but I’m sure it’ll get some mileage somewhere down the line.

And this is Stoplight Red. I am seriously losing my mind over the fact that this was only $3 because it’s nearly identical to Ruby Woo, way less drying and did I mention that it was only $3? Losing. It.

I’m not wearing lip liner in any of these pictures, but if you want to take Stoplight Red (or any red) out on the town and you’re nervous about it rubbing off and no one telling you, just apply lip liner all over your lips, apply your lipstick, blot and reapply, and get out there, slugger!

Also, when I wiped off Stoplight Red, I noticed that it left a really flattering and even popsicle stain on my lips. Therefore: If you’re ever out and you realize you left your tube of Stoplight Red at home, don’t panic. Carefully rub it all off and then throw some sheer pink gloss (… please don’t tell me you left your sheer pink gloss at home too) on top and you’ll be left with something that looks intentional, and that’s all that matters:

The moral of this story is that Wet N Wild, unlike my snack-loving junior high boyfriend, has redeemed itself. I’m presently having a moment with their lipstick and I suggest that you do the same.

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