Look, we know you’re weird. We’re weird, too. But only one person needs to know exactly how weird you really are. And that’s your best friend. When you’ve done something that’s just completely fly-to-Miami-to-see-some-guy-you-met-last-night crazy, you know she’s not going to judge you for it – or worse – tell anyone.
Here are 15 of the weirdest things that you told your best friend, because you just had to tell someone, and your cat can’t be trusted.
1. You’re still not totally, exactly sure what twerking is.
2. Sometimes you put your gchat status on invisible when you see that Amanda has signed on.
3. You have a recurring dream where Alec Baldwin is eating a peanut butter and jelly sandwich while ironing his shirt in your living room. Naked.
4. You haven’t downloaded a new song on iTunes since 2006.
5. You once spent an entire paycheck trying to save a squirrel that you saw get hit by a bus.
6. You basically like don’t wash your hair anymore. Hello!? Dry shampoo!
7. You think scarves make you look fat.
8. You actually hate soup. Like, even just the idea of it.
9. Last night for dinner you ate half of the sheet cake you bought for Katie’s bridal shower. And then for breakfast, you ate the other half.
10. You almost got talked into Kabbalah. (During the Madonna phase, of course.)
11. You dropped your boss’ beagle down the stairs while you were house sitting. (It survived.)
12. You secretly love Mike’s Hard Lemonade.
13. When getting ready for a date, you sing at least four songs off the Aladdin soundtrack before blow drying your hair.
14. You used the wine glasses you bought as a wedding gift for Carrie before you gave them to her.
15. You accidentally made out with your cousin. Sober. At a funeral.
Authors’ note: Most of these are autobiographical, but we’ll never tell you which ones.
Alyssa Wolff and Alison Leiby are stand-up comedians and writers who wrote and published the ebook Lean Over: Women, Work, and Women’s Work, a parody of Sheryl Sandberg’s feminist tome Lean In. The parody was recently featured on Page Six of The New York Post, in Fast Company Magazine, and on Mediabistro.com. They are best friends.
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