From Our Readers

We Need to Talk About Leo

(I have never seen the movie We Need to Talk About Kevin but my Leo title fit so well with it. Except I read the synopsis of the movie and it sounds incredibly creepy, maybe it wasn’t the best option.)

Now down to business, Leonardo DiCaprio was born on November 11th, 1974, which means that this was the happiest day of my life, 15 years before I was born. Leo and I have a long drawn out romantic saga. He was pretty much off my radar until I realized that Gangs of New York and The Departed are two of my favorite movies. Then I was like wait, Leo is in both of these films. Leo! It was basically instantaneous, thus the birth of true love. (You know what Leo movie I don’t like? The Basketball Diaries. Disturbing.)

Backtrack. I have a hypothesis that Leonardo entered my love tracks through osmosis when I saw him on my ALL TIME favorite television show of my childhood Growing Pains (please tell me there are others who respect this show as much as I do)I was enamored with Mike Seaver (Kirk Cameron, but not so much anymore, at all) and wanted to go to Columbia like Carol. I felt like a part of the family and like all classic family sitcoms, Growing Pains taught me so much about life! You can have friends named Boner and kids can be homeless. Like Luke Brower, played by a young and innocent Leonardo DiCaprio! Mike meets Luke in New York and lets him live with the Seaver’s for a while because Luke is on his own roaming the streets of NYC while his truck driver dad is MIA. I remember being slightly disturbed by Luke’s story in the show and also thinking he was pretty cute. My young mind didn’t take to Leo right away because obviously Mike/Kirk was where it was at, but I now see that Leo has been with me for a long long while.

Notice there is no mention of Titanic in my brief description of the long drawn out romantic saga between DiCap and me, that’s because I made it through half of Titanic as an 8 year old, really only watching in hopes of seeing some scandalous nudity. I heard you got to see some boobs. And I saw them, oh yes I saw them. Then I was over it. I did go to Titanic in 3D earlier this year and got chills from how striking the movie is and needless to say was totally swept away with Rose and Jack. Also, I may or may not have watched their very steamy (literally) love scene at least 5 times in a row after that. But it kind of makes me cringe when Rose forcefully places Jack’s hand right on her chest because he was probably going to make his way there without her help.

I have a very large dilemma on my hands when it comes to my relationship with Leo though. In all honesty, I’m scared that he may kind of be a dud of a person? I hope I am horrendously wrong about him, but I think maybe I’m not.

Case and point, he only dates TALL LEGGY BLONDE VICTORIA SECRET MODELS. And he hasn’t settled down with a single one. Come on dude. Is he aiming to be his generation’s George Clooney? At least George has a little variety in his lady friends. Leo went from Gisele to Bar and now to his newest conquest Erin Tall Leggy Blonde Victoria Secret Model. I realize this is totally Leo’s prerogative and he is obviously enjoying his status in life and the women he dates are gorgeous and probably super nice. So whatever it’s not my business…to the unassuming eye, but to anyone who knows anything it is TOTALLY my business because Leo is my #1imaginary boyfriend (Thanks Amy and Sheryl at the Heatley Cliff for that terminology. Comforted to know others do this).

Sadly, I know nothing about Leo except for the awesome traits I give him in my mind. What I do know though is that if it can’t be me and Leonardo DiCaprio walking down the aisle soonish then it needs to be LEONARDO DICAPRIO AND KATE WINSELT. She is now single, he will probably be single pretty quickly, and they need to turn their friendship into some steam like in that car in the boiler room on the RMS Titanic. Should we start a petition to let them know they are perfect for one another?

Until the day I meet Leo or he and Kate get together and I feel comfortable that he is in a nice healthy, stable relationship I will continue to imagine Leonardo DiCaprio, my main man, as a gentlemen who has a good sense of humor and smells nice. And I will advise him to keep his hair on the shorter side. I’m not too sure how I feel about his slicked back look. Actually I am; I feel I don’t like it.

I don’t know, I guess he’s just going through some growing pains. Did you see what I did there? Play on words, words playing.

In the meantime I have THE GREAT GATSBY movie to look forward to! So incredibly excited. It’ll be like I’m right there next to my guy as I’ll be pretending I’m Daisy the entire time. Finally the man does a movie with some solid romance in it (Shutter Islandwasn’t necessarily enchanting).

For another genre all together, I’m interested to see how Leo does in a Quentin Tarantino movie. Django Unchained looks pretty crazy, but should I be surprised?

I’d like to end with formally proposing to Leonardo DiCaprio. Will you marry me imaginary boyfriend #1?

You can read more from Ally Garner on her blog.

Feature image via.

  • Liz Haebe

    I have loved this man since I was 12 years old while watching ‘Growing Pains’, so I feel you sister. I did, however, LOVE The Basketball Diaries, and have loved most of his older movies. I even sat through Critters 3 for this man. And, I admit, I turned off The Quick And The Dead after he, um….died. Sorry to give it away, but that movie was made in the 90’s. But yes, Leo is where it’s at, and I really want to start a letter writing campaign to have Leo stop appearing in movies where he dies…I have so many to add to the stupid list!

  • Michelle Konstantinovsky

    Basketball Diaries is epic.

  • Mehgan Flores

    Umm, hello, what about Romeo + Juliet? He rocked the romance in that movie. I ugly-cried at the end; he was just so beautiful. I also got all misty-eyed when he killed the grasshopper in What’s Eating Gilbert Grape and cried into Johnny Depp’s arms. Leo is just such an incredible actor. He can emulate pretty much every accent on the planet, and that’s supremely hot to me.

    • Katy McDonald

      Word! I love Leo. Have forever….and he is fabulous in Romeo + Juliet. I also have to say his raw emotions in the suicide scene in Inception were unsettlingly real and made me bawl my eyes out. And he’s gorgeous. 😉

  • Kirsty Wade

    I hate to make you guys jealous but when I was 14 me and my friends went to Leicester Square for ‘The Man in the Iron Mask’ premiere and I SAW HIM!! Than weeped
    I actually was so in love with Leo at this age that I wrote A BOOK that entailed us meeting and falling in to a steamy relationship….seriously! It was better than 50 shades :p

    • Frollein Schultheis

      hahaha, you’re amazing 😀

  • Jackeliene Nicole Raney

    Everything he does is magical.

  • Frollein Schultheis

    my best friend and i were obsessed with leo.
    we collected every little piece of paper we found (back then there was no internet ;)).
    we watched every movie again and again and again.
    my cousin lives in the town where his grandma lived, so we went to visit her.. full with hope that he was also there. but he wasn’t. bummer! 😀
    total eclipse, the quick and the death, romeo & juliet (omg how cute was he with claire danes!?!?), jim carrol, gilbert grape.. i loooved his movies so much.

    now, ca. 15 years later, i’m not obsessed anymore, but still think he is a pretty fantastic actor and should be honored with some freakin academy award!

    • Shanna Hamilton

      Yeah I don’t know what it is. I still find him to be an incredible actor and he does the best movies. But I am over my obsession with him. It makes me really sad! I used to dream about being his girlfriend and now I just look at him indifferently. I think it is because he does seem kind of boring and a bit like a dud. Maybe it’s his douchey facial hair? He just feels very average to me now. There’s a million guys at the local gym that are him.

  • Jessy Dolensky

    I read the title and thought of growing pains!!
    I think Leo is fantastic, I really liked how he went from the hot guy in the movies to a great actor! I can’t belive he still hasn’t got an academy award!

  • Eileen Hogan

    Um, two words, “Total Eclipse”. Yikes.

  • Angelia Jones

    A dud of a person, huh? Because he doesn’t grace the cover of US weekly every time you turn around? Because he’s an actor for the love of acting and film making instead of just wanting to be famous? Because he clearly has no intention on getting married so everyone can bet on how long it will last? Because he spends time promoting green initiatives rather than Ciroc Vodka? Because he doesn’t have a clothing line, alcohol line, or cologne line? There are plenty of “actors” that are eye candy and nothing more than celebrities…
    This article is very unfortunate.

  • A-Punk Maguire

    This is a wonderful article. You are witty, smart and an insightful writer. I really enjoyed reading this!!

  • Patricia Serrano

    I watched growing pains mainly cause I was in love with Leo… I feel in love when I first saw Romeo and Juliet… I made a collage of his pictures when I was 13, I wonder where that is 13 years later.

Need more Giggles?
Like us on Facebook!

Want more Giggles?
Sign up for our newsletter!