I probably should not be on Twitter, but I am .
I imagined social media to be the perfect opportunity to make myself over. To edit out my flaws and put my best, wittiest, most confident and sexiest foot forward. Always.
For example this was my first Facebook profile pic.
I wanted total control of the way I would be perceived and if I just wanted to tweet in a bubble, I could probably get that.
But in order to make a connection I find it’s best to be myself. Flaws and all. So here I am in yet another arena where my imperfections are constantly glaring back at me. Apparently, I didn’t get enough of that in the entertainment biz or being a mom. Nope! Being introspective by nature I’m also trying to manage my flaws in the Twitterverse now. So I’ve created these guidelines for my Twitter use. If you’re anything like me, a little shy, a little insecure, slightly immature, with an outsized (if incongruent) need to entertain, they may come in handy for you too.
1) If your self-esteem takes a major hit when someone you follow doesn’t follow you back, you’re in dangerous Twittertory. Unrequited love is real even in cyberspace. Don’t dwell on it. And, if you really enjoy their tweets, don’t unfollow them just for spite. They probably won’t notice. And you will miss them.
2) If you always think you are the funniest person in the room and pride yourself on that quality, you will not enjoy Twitter. Unless you don’t care if no one LOLs at your tweets. In which case knock yourself out. Conversely, if you’re not used to being the life of the party and suddenly find yourself to be just that, enjoy it. This can happen on Twitter. And it’s intoxicating.
3) If you have a hard time sharing your friends i.e. if you see one friend talking to another and become consumed with jealousy and feel left out, Twitter no es para usted. This will plague you even more on Twitter than IRL. On Twitter, no one can see you sulking in the corner and rush over to ask you “what’s wrong?”
4) If you are at all concerned about being perceived as rude because you are ‘interrupting’ someone or ‘butting in’ to a conversation you will never get a tweet in edgewise. Twitter is a moving train y’all. Jump the heck on it.
5) Relatedly, if you are the kind of person that needs an invitation to do stuff, you are going to be waiting around a mighty long time. Invite yourself. It’s OK.
6) If you have an addictive personality you will do very well on Twitter. The sky is the limit for your Klout score.
7) If the feeling that you are ‘missing something’ seriously freaks you out? Run away! Run away! (random Monty Python reference). Twitter is 24/7 people. You will never eat, sleep, blog or make love to your spouse again if you can’t deal with missing MOST of what’s happening on there MOST of the time.
<- (That is supposed to be the number 8. WP always changes it into an emoticon. I’ve learned to live with it.) Moving on. If you feel like an old lady because #wineparty gives you motion sickness well, you probably are a little old, but you’re not alone <- intentional emoticon.
9) If you can’t be happy for people who are doing amazing things, getting major awards and shouting to the mountaintops about how much they love their friends, then you do not belong on Twitter. Ditto if you can’t sympathize with someone who’s having the shittiest day of their lives. Embrace your inner-cheerleader and stop comparing. An enthusiastic ‘:)’ or a sympathetic ‘:(‘ is a good place to start.
10) If it’s important to you that everyone likes you, you may be disappointed. Except when everyone likes you which can happen, it just doesn’t happen every time. When it doesn’t, it’s not necessarily because they don’t like you, they just may not know you’re there. Which isn’t great either but c’est la Twitter.
Now go create an account. I’ll meet you out there.
You can read more from Christine Siracusa on her blog.