The past week has been a shining blur of support. I had no idea when I started this I wasn’t alone. Talk about a boost to my determination! You guys… <3
One thing I am definitely realizing is that I am going to HAVE to do this now. No talking myself out of it by saying, “But I’ll be in NYC, no one drives there.” It’s not about who else is driving. It’s about ME driving.
The next step is simple. I need to DO it. Easier said than done. I think about it, my hands sweat. I had never planned to do this alone and alone it shall never happen.
To draw your courage from the examples of others is nothing new. People do it all the time. Sometimes it’s as small as getting that reassuring nod from your mom in the audience at your first recital and other times, like this, I needed to talk to people who’ve lived through it.
It turns out I have a LOT of courageous friends who face many of the same fears head on. My friend, Markus. is a gift from the internet who lives in my neighborhood and with whom mimosa brunches are never bottomless enough. Earlier this year he was in a devastating crash when a reckless driver t-boned his SUV, rolling it a few times. It finally landed on its roof with Markus, thankfully, still strapped inside but injured pretty badly. Just days after that, he was at the dealer getting a new car. COURAGE!
I had to know…HOW?! How did he not freak out? Is he still scared? The answers were swift and without hesitation. He did and he is. He told me how he’s still freaked out by a lot. So much so that he’s pulled over more than a few times to catch his breath after being cut off. I wasn’t impressed, I was dumfounded. I asked him how he was able to jump back right on the horse. He paused a moment and told me it hadn’t crossed his mind that he wouldn’t.
The tiny nugget I was looking for. What I must do is really truly realize that I have a CHOICE. I have to CHOOSE like he did to carry on. He drives himself to physical therapy! I have to CHOOSE to no longer rely on other people to enable this. I GOTTA CHOOSE TO CONQUER IT.
So this is me, for real, setting my jaw firm, channeling the strength of my courageous friends and pummeling through.
Next Week: A Video!