I was watching O (first letter basis for Oprah, that’s how tight our imaginary friendship is) interview Davis Arquette the other day (it was obviously 2AM and obviously a repeat on my TiVo) and he said his therapist once told him that “anger was like drinking poison and then expecting the other person to die.”
That’s a good thing to remember. After all, anger is an ugly emotion, but it didn’t exactly help me feel better the other day when I was hanging out with Jasmine, a girl who I think basically hates the whole world. Including puppies.
Including Oprah.
As we walked around downtown Austin, Texas, she commented on everyone who walked by. “Ew, look at their shorts. I wouldn’t wear those.” Or, “Who does that girl think she is wearing leggings?” Sadly, I could go on.
Remember Chernobyl? Jasmine was the human equivalent of that toxic disaster. Hanging with her was a giant time suck. Hearing someone complaining and judging nonstop can be absolutely draining, and in turn, complaining about her complaining seems to be counter-intuitive. You get the picture.
I’m not entirely sure why people feel the need to rip others apart. It doesn’t make you look better, it actually makes you look terrible. I believe that if you are that angry, you have deeper emotional scars than the happy person next to you and you have no idea how to deal with them in a healthy way. (For example, I use humor and mint chocolate ice cream instead.)
It’s like, I’m sorry but show me on the doll where someone bullied you until you felt as though you were unworthy of ever being a positive person ever again.
Another Oprah-ism (she’s my Gandhi) is, “Be responsible for the energy your bring with you.”
She’s right, you know.
Even if the person that you’re verbally attacking doesn’t hear you, that negative energy is still put out into the world. I know people are just trying to protect themselves when they’re judgmental of others for no reason but that doesn’t make it right.
I decided I shan’t stand for this!
For every negative thing Jasmine said, I tried to be like the good fairy, Merryweather, leveling out Maleficent’s evil spell in Sleeping Beauty so that the princess only slept instead of dying. I couldn’t really undo the negative damage she was spewing out but I could at least try to say something positive for each of these negatives.
“Those shorts are cute!” or “Leggings can be adorable!” I had a positive spin for everything that she said. I did the best I could and I suppose that’s really all anyone can ever do in this life.
Photo courtesy of Simon Strandgaard
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Hello Steph, Glad to see you as a friend. I too through 50+ years have endured the negativism around. You want to help, but sometimes unless you get a psychology major to take them on as a project to help them take a look at what makes them have such low self-esteem, there isn’t much you can do except give them a friendly hug and tell I hope you feel more positive tomorrow. My “best” friend of 48 years is one who quietly suffered problems growing up and didn’t share them with me, became the Queen of negativism and sarcasim, to the point she drove a wedge between her and her children and me. Love her and understand her but have to keep my distance because of it. So hold your position and shine on young lady.
Love this!
I agree with you 100% and I can’t understand how anyone would even want to be pessimistic and bitter. I would feel awful and so mean. So I guess it must be a negative circle. Hope she snaps out of it soon! (Also on Oprah, one time she was talking about depression and the guest at the show said that being angry is better than being sad, because when you’re sad for a very long time and don’t let your emotions out you will most likely spiral down to depression, but being bitter and pessimistic is like the equivalent to depression, just another type of emotion. But either emotion, you’re sort of stuck in that state. ) Looking forward to your next post 
I like this post! I know people like Jasmine and I usually try to point out the bright side of whatever they’re complaining about, but sometimes they don’t wanna hear it. I try to avoid hanging out with people like that, but I like the way you handled it. I think I’ll try that next time!
You go girl! It is SO true, how easy it is to be negative and it takes more effort to be positive! I think it’s just because the world has BECOME too negative, it’s time to change that! Lots of a happy thoughts today!