One of my besties sent a chain email to all of our girlfriends entitled: “Top Three Guys You Want To Make One Million Babies With”. She attached a picture of musician Gotye, actor Michael Fassbender and Serbian-American inventor from the 1800s Nikola Tesla. Fortunately, all those guys combined would look like her boyfriend, so it seems like her life is on the right track. Thinking of the realities of making a baby, I immediately thought of the movie Three Men and a Baby, in which Tom Selleck, Ted Danson and Steve Guttenberg are forced to take care of a baby that one of their girlfriends left behind. I waited to respond.
My Japanese girlfriend responded IMMEDIATELY with pictures of two Korean actors and singers that she can’t stop thinking about: Yoochun Park and Won Bin, as well as actor Gael García Bernal, and then wondered why she was marrying a white guy.
After seeing my friends’ responses, I was stumped because I immediately thought that I had to come up with “famous people to have babies with” and I don’t think I would ever want to have a baby with a celebrity. I guess I see celebrities as these people with busy schedules that have no time to give their children quality attention. I can’t even imagine what the Jolie-Pitt children feel about their parents. Then again, I have no frame of reference having been the child of a school nurse and tuxedo store manager.
I approached this question thinking backwards, referencing all the celebrities I knew that looked like my boyfriend. Actors Paul Dano and Jesse Eisenberg came to mind, but I couldn’t resist listing Oscar-winning actor Jean Dujardin (for his amazing smile) and my favorite writer, Jonathan Safran Foer. In the end, I just wanted to add my boyfriend to the list and call it a day. The game was more stressful than I bargained for, and I started to doubt my desire to even have children. I’m certainly not ready for it, so why even think about it? And yes, I know this was just a game, but having babies is a serious topic and if I wait to think about it till I’m in my 30s, I might not be able to conceive.
Who would you want to make one million babies with? The more and more I think about it, since a million is a lot, I’d rather list off some dead historical figures, like Albert Einstein, Abraham Lincoln or Martin Luther King, Jr. I thought practically, however, and looked for some men that were a little less intense and actually located in my state. They’re still dead, though. Charles P. Ginsburg seems perfect for me since he invented the first practical videotape recorder, and that is something I use often as a filmmaker. Theodore Harold Maiman also seemed like a cool dude. He created the first laserbeam, and those always enhance my concert-going experiences. Of course, I should be careful choosing dead inventors. Number one, they’re dead. Number two, they may be great with technical stuff, but when it comes to the social, they’re most likely lacking. That’s why I threw in John C. Frémont. He was an explorer that had a strong interest in plants (just like me) and tried to abolish slavery without consulting the federal government. This rebellious and admiral attitude is what makes him sexy.
If you care to join in on this silly game, please list off who you’d make a million babies with. They can be historical figures, people you know, or celebrities. Do not take this seriously. It’s purely something I did when I was bored. If you ARE seriously interested in seeing what your babies would look like if you had them with a celebrity, go to morphthing.com! I don’t think I did it right, but this is my boyfriend and I morphed together and it looks really creepy…