After an excruciating week without the top tweets, I’m back. You guys, I had STUFF to do. I’m a very busy and important lady. Tell everyone you know. Very busy. Very important. Definitely not lazy and bad at task-managing. Without further ado, I present my favorite tweets this week courtesy of some truly fantastic human beings, so read and laugh and follow and tie your shoelaces:
I urge you to follow @peteholmez and read all about his fake wife Helen.
This morning I realized that a toaster oven isn’t just another name for a toaster, but actually a baby oven! Which then opened up a million possibilities: cookies, bacon, a very small sylvia plath doll, ANYTHING!!! Does everyone know about this toaster oven situation? I hope so.
Random Word of the Week: Toaster Oven
Damn straight, I support all working ladies treating themselves to a nice, new toaster oven. Men are temporary, baby ovens are forever.
That’s the scoop for this week! Have a happy weekend, and remember: my opinion totally matters.