Apocalypstick's ApocaLIST

Top Ten Best Things Dylan McKay Has Ever Said

When the original Beverly Hills, 90210 aired, my mom wouldn’t let me watch it. She said it was “too adult”. A few years ago, in an effort to be a real adult, I devoured every season of the show except for the last one because even I have my limits. Luke Perry’s Dylan McKay is one of the best television characters I have ever seen or had the pleasure to fall in love with. My mom, finally accepting of my 90210 love, bought me a t-shirt of Brenda and Dylan that said “I slept with Dylan first”. However, she forgot that her son/my brother is also named Dylan so I can’t wear that t-shirt, ever. Here are the top ten best things Dylan McKay has ever said.


"This beer makes me cooler than Dawson and Pacey combined!"

10. DYLAN: You want a beer?

BRANDON: No, thanks.

DYLAN: You wanna quit staring at mine then?

I guess Dylan bought Brandon a gift at Told, BECAUSE THAT’S WHAT HE JUST GOT.


"I just have lots of feelings."

9. Brenda: “You want to take a walk on the beach or something?”

Dylan: “Yeah and check out the HOMELESS PEOPLE that would be GREAT.”

Dylan really gets to the heart of the homelessness in LA issue. There’s just too many of them on the beach. It’s just GREAT.


Zack Morris called on his giant cell phone, he wants his freeze frame back.

8. “I just don’t believe in winning through intimidation. Unless, of course, I’m doing the intimidatin’.”

It’s like someone opened the door and let James Dean right the eff through.


Two and a half men. That's how great Dylan is. He's one and a half.

7. BRANDON: Hey man, going somewhere?

DYLAN: Somewhere.

BRANDON: Coming back?

DYLAN: Maybe someday, maybe not.

Will I see you in a car? Will I see you on a star? Will I see you with your wife? Will I see you take your life? Maybe someday, maybe not. Maybe one day, my great scott! Red fish blue fish one fish two, I am Dylan McKay to you!


And then he choked her.

6. Dylan: “Please don’t leave!”

Brenda: “YOU’RE SCARING ME!”

Dylan chases Brenda, throws a flower pot, then grabs her and kisses her. And this is after she tells him he’s scaring her. What does she know? He’s Dylan McKay. He makes you see italics when he’s speaking. He’s that good.


They tried to make me go to rehab. I said, "Yeah, I'll go."

5. “I can go to rehab I can do two weeks in rehab standing on my head. What you gotta be ready for is the result of your little experiment when I get out, cause you know what I think you’re gonna see? I think you’re gonna see that you all need to me be sick , yeah, because that way you all look better. So your lives all look perfect and shiny but only compared to my pathetic little existence, right? Well I’m sick of giving you the satisfaction. Yeah, I’ll go, grab the bag.”

Is he being sarcastic  with that last sentence or did he somehow find redemption by the end of his monologue? That’s the beauty of Luke Perry’s acting: we just don’t know.


I feel just like Tom Hanks in "Big"!

4. BRENDA: You’ll look back years from now, and I’ll just be another girl you knew in high school.

DYLAN: No you won’t. No you won’t, Bren. Not after everything.

No jokes here, this is such a legit, sweet thing to say that it makes me want to change into Little Mermaid pajamas and get out my Girl Talk board game and have a freaking sleepover and paint my nails in Lisa Frank colors while this scene plays in the background. I just want to cry forever. Someone is going to love me like this, right? But someone really attractive like Luke Perry, right? RIGHT YOU GUYS??


The more incredulous he gets, the more lines you see.

3. “You get off on getting high, David. You don’t want to get rid of this stuff, do ya? That’s why you’re not flushing it out of your life right now, I mean why let all this good blow go to waste, huh?. You’re on the ledge, Silver. Don’t jump.”

Gosh, he’s like a surfing Obi-Wan Kanobi to David Silver’s drug addled Luke Skywalker. Is there anything Dylan McKay can’t do? Aside from loving someone who doesn’t die or move to another country?


Rebel without a clue.

2. “You know the best place to get a good night’s sleep is my house.”

McKay senses that something just isn’t right with his girlfriend, so what does he do? He pulls out this line. Pulls it out like a fat rich guy pulls out a hundred to the Maitre d’ at a restaurant. The line doesn’t work, by the way.


Dylan almost shoots Brandon in the face. He doesn't. Millions mourn.

1. “I ALMOST SHOT YOU!”

Dylan is just minding his own business, showering for Brandon Walsh’s parents’ anniversary party. Brandon, once again forgetting that he is not the main special focus of everyone’s attention, flips out that he left his parents’ gift in Dylan’s house, and breaks a window open so he can get in. Then, when Dylan almost shoots him in the face, because you know he breaks a window open so he can get in, he gives Dylan grief. How dare Dylan not try to protect himself against someone breaking into his home? To quote the great McKay in a quote about the great McKay (I N C E P T I O N) “You ever hear of a doorbell?!”

All images screen capped by me, from YouTube.

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