Apocalypstick's ApocaLISTTop Ten Best Things Dylan McKay Has Ever SaidAlmie Rose

When the original Beverly Hills, 90210 aired, my mom wouldn’t let me watch it. She said it was “too adult”. A few years ago, in an effort to be a real adult, I devoured every season of the show except for the last one because even I have my limits. Luke Perry’s Dylan McKay is one of the best television characters I have ever seen or had the pleasure to fall in love with. My mom, finally accepting of my 90210 love, bought me a t-shirt of Brenda and Dylan that said “I slept with Dylan first”. However, she forgot that her son/my brother is also named Dylan so I can’t wear that t-shirt, ever. Here are the top ten best things Dylan McKay has ever said.

"This beer makes me cooler than Dawson and Pacey combined!"

10. DYLAN: You want a beer?

BRANDON: No, thanks.

DYLAN: You wanna quit staring at mine then?

I guess Dylan bought Brandon a gift at Told, BECAUSE THAT’S WHAT HE JUST GOT.

"I just have lots of feelings."

9. Brenda: “You want to take a walk on the beach or something?”

Dylan: “Yeah and check out the HOMELESS PEOPLE that would be GREAT.”

Dylan really gets to the heart of the homelessness in LA issue. There’s just too many of them on the beach. It’s just GREAT.

Zack Morris called on his giant cell phone, he wants his freeze frame back.

8. “I just don’t believe in winning through intimidation. Unless, of course, I’m doing the intimidatin’.”

It’s like someone opened the door and let James Dean right the eff through.

Two and a half men. That's how great Dylan is. He's one and a half.

7. BRANDON: Hey man, going somewhere?

DYLAN: Somewhere.

BRANDON: Coming back?

DYLAN: Maybe someday, maybe not.

Will I see you in a car? Will I see you on a star? Will I see you with your wife? Will I see you take your life? Maybe someday, maybe not. Maybe one day, my great scott! Red fish blue fish one fish two, I am Dylan McKay to you!

And then he choked her.

6. Dylan: “Please don’t leave!”

Brenda: “YOU’RE SCARING ME!”

Dylan chases Brenda, throws a flower pot, then grabs her and kisses her. And this is after she tells him he’s scaring her. What does she know? He’s Dylan McKay. He makes you see italics when he’s speaking. He’s that good.

They tried to make me go to rehab. I said, "Yeah, I'll go."

5. “I can go to rehab I can do two weeks in rehab standing on my head. What you gotta be ready for is the result of your little experiment when I get out, cause you know what I think you’re gonna see? I think you’re gonna see that you all need to me be sick , yeah, because that way you all look better. So your lives all look perfect and shiny but only compared to my pathetic little existence, right? Well I’m sick of giving you the satisfaction. Yeah, I’ll go, grab the bag.”

Is he being sarcastic  with that last sentence or did he somehow find redemption by the end of his monologue? That’s the beauty of Luke Perry’s acting: we just don’t know.

I feel just like Tom Hanks in "Big"!

4. BRENDA: You’ll look back years from now, and I’ll just be another girl you knew in high school.

DYLAN: No you won’t. No you won’t, Bren. Not after everything.

No jokes here, this is such a legit, sweet thing to say that it makes me want to change into Little Mermaid pajamas and get out my Girl Talk board game and have a freaking sleepover and paint my nails in Lisa Frank colors while this scene plays in the background. I just want to cry forever. Someone is going to love me like this, right? But someone really attractive like Luke Perry, right? RIGHT YOU GUYS??

The more incredulous he gets, the more lines you see.

3. “You get off on getting high, David. You don’t want to get rid of this stuff, do ya? That’s why you’re not flushing it out of your life right now, I mean why let all this good blow go to waste, huh?. You’re on the ledge, Silver. Don’t jump.”

Gosh, he’s like a surfing Obi-Wan Kanobi to David Silver’s drug addled Luke Skywalker. Is there anything Dylan McKay can’t do? Aside from loving someone who doesn’t die or move to another country?

Rebel without a clue.

2. “You know the best place to get a good night’s sleep is my house.”

McKay senses that something just isn’t right with his girlfriend, so what does he do? He pulls out this line. Pulls it out like a fat rich guy pulls out a hundred to the Maitre d’ at a restaurant. The line doesn’t work, by the way.

Dylan almost shoots Brandon in the face. He doesn't. Millions mourn.

1. “I ALMOST SHOT YOU!”

Dylan is just minding his own business, showering for Brandon Walsh’s parents’ anniversary party. Brandon, once again forgetting that he is not the main special focus of everyone’s attention, flips out that he left his parents’ gift in Dylan’s house, and breaks a window open so he can get in. Then, when Dylan almost shoots him in the face, because you know he breaks a window open so he can get in, he gives Dylan grief. How dare Dylan not try to protect himself against someone breaking into his home? To quote the great McKay in a quote about the great McKay (I N C E P T I O N) “You ever hear of a doorbell?!”

All images screen capped by me, from YouTube.

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  8. K: “I don’t know what it is about the Santa Anas, but I haven’t been myself all day. Maybe it’s not the Santa Anas. Maybe I’m just nervous about being with you.”
    Dy: (small smirk) “You know, in the Middle East, they have winds, they’re called the sciroccos. They blow across the northern desert of Africa and while these winds are blowing, if you kill somebody, they don’t even try and punish you.”
    K: “Sort of like a temporary insanity?”
    Dy: “Kinda like the heat of passion. Sort of like a full moon. Our bodies are full of so much water that gravity starts pulling on us in ways we don’t even realize. It’s like a tide rising.”
    4.14, Windstruck

  9. Hi Luke! Do you rimebre me?

  10. “He makes you see italics when he’s speaking. He’s that good.” ba ha ha ha!

  11. This. is. amazing!

  12. I wasn’t allowed to watch this when it first aired either, but I did see the entire series a few years ago thanks to SoapNeat and I loved it! Dylan wasn’t my favorite, but I did like him. I love reading anything related to 90210!

  13. Next post requires clips!

  14. thank you for making my night. greatest post ever about the hunkiest of hunks.

  15. My mom did let me watch it. I was in the 5th grade when it first aired and it was super special because I got to stay up an hour past my bedtime just to see it!

    Dylan McKay and Billy Idol were my first big crushes which I believe is why I dated a lot of not so amazing dudes in my late teens and early 20′s. I do believe that phase is finally over now though!

  16. This is wonderful!! Time to bust out my 90210 DVDs and wine!

  17. I think I can tell from this post that you are pro-Dylan and Brenda whereas I am a die-hard Dylan and Kelly fan. I want to make this list go to 100. Let’s do it. Let’s sit in a room and talk about how beautiful Dylan McKay is and how horrible our mothers were for not letting us watch it. I used to sneak my viewings. I’d go to my room. Go to “bed” like a good girl. Tuck towels underneath the door so the light wouldn’t glow from my little 13″ TV and I’d watch the hell out of those new episodes. Class of ’93, baby. Even if I was only 12 when they graduated.

  18. Well, this is fantastic. Was Dylan part of the “Let Donna Martin Graduate” picket? If so, that has to be number 11.

  19. My mom wouldn’t let me watch either! Luckily, one of my friends had one of those “cool moms” who didn’t care that we were watching shows with adult situations. It was a nice break from Full House and Kids Incorporated.

  20. I love this, and I know Dylan has said many a genius thing, but my personal favorite is “Let the bridges I burn light the way!”

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