There’s this great little band called the Beatles. It’s made up of four guys: John, Paul, George… and Lenny or something. But even though there’s four, there’s really so much more. In fact, there’s so many sides to these lads that Julia Gazdag and I had to take a closer look and rank them among themselves. I did this with Julia because sometimes, I get by with a little help from my friends. I guess I needed some Help. She loves me, yeah, yeah, yeah.
10. Magical Mystery Tour George.
- Think this is bad? Just wait until Eric Clapton steals your wife.
Magical Mystery Tour was an album that McCartney wanted to turn into a film and The Beatles hated him for it. Not Ringo, Ringo’s just happy to be there. Magical Mystery Tour didn’t really have a plot. It was The Beatles on a bus with a tour guide and children and other people and they would stop the bus and then have a little music video and then get back on the bus and then do skits. In one skit, George Harrison and Paul McCarntey are playing wizards. McCartney is thrilled while Harrison looks like he wants to kill himself. It’s a true testament to friendship.
img src = dvd screencap by Almie
9. A Hard Day’s Night Paul
- Fool on the hill.
Look at that vest, you guys. the man is wearing the hell out of it. Out of all four in the ‘Can’t Buy Me Love’ video, his skinny legs are the funnest to watch pumping around that field. I don’t know why, just accept it.
img src = found this on tumblr. I forgot where. But it’s from tumblr, I promise.
8. Turtleneck-and-blazer John
- Best Facebook profile photo ever.
Don’t know if Lennon invented this look, but he definitely perfected it. Transitioning from the Beatle suit look to more individualized ones, Lennon rocked the turtlenecks up until they all started getting into India and stuff. Brunettes take note: red is your color, always and forever. I’m also going to cheat by sneaking in another link here, because he looked wicked hot in Help! riding a bike wearing blue.
7. Older John
- John Lennon is of course known for his supreme Quidditch skills.
When I googled “John Lennon Older” this image came up. You guys, this is not John Lennon. It’s Harry Potter about to get his first moustache wax. Internet, you have failed me. Go to your room. Now no one gets to see a picture of John Lennon being a sexy older man.
6. Shakespearean Ringo
- Got to pay your dues if you wanna sing the blues.
JOHN: Hey let’s put Ringo in a hat.
PAUL: I want a hat too.
JOHN: Okay. Let’s also put Ringo in tights.
PAUL: I want to wear tights too.
JOHN: But Ringo is funnier.
PAUL: No I want to do it too.
JOHN: Okay but Ringo is going to look better. Look at his wee little face.
RINGO: Can I write a song now?
JOHN: Why don’t you have this nice hat instead.
PAUL: Ringo what have we told you? You get one song per year.
img src = screencap from this amazing YouTube vid that Julia will never get tired of
5. Young George
- “…and that’s why I’m not allowed in Brooklyn anymore.”
16-year-old George on a hitch-hiking adventure with Paul? I’ll take two.
img src (but really it’s from the Anthology/Harrison family archives)
4. Early ’60s John
- I see you’ve played knivesy spoonsey before.
And late ’60s John. And John in any time period, ever. (ALMIE: I don’t like the later John, he was kind of a diva. JULIA: I don’t want to start arguing in parentheticals, but I disagree.) Look at the mischief in his eyes! Adorable. What’s that spoon doing in his mouth? Can I be a spoon in my previous life?
3. George 2.0 (Dhani Harrison)
- Hey gurl.
ALMIE: It’s like George Harrison is so awesome God made him twice.
JULIA: But this time with less British-looking teeth.
ALMIE: That’s arguable.
ALMIE: I’m sure he’s a talented guy in his own right.
JULIA: He actually is. His record was really good.
ALMIE: Yeah it probably makes an awesome coaster.
JULIA: Well that’s not nice.
ALMIE: I’m kidding, I never listened to it.
JULIA: I’ll send it to you.
JULIA: …I mean, I will purchase it legally and gift it to you.
ALMIE: I’m kind of in a Nicki Minaj phase right now…
2. Miscreant Paul
- Whoa, settle down.
Look at him sass that police officer with a cigarette in his mouth and mischief in his skinny tie. Even the officer couldn’t resist climbing on the car and joining in on the fun! Years later this cop will bust George for pot.
1. Hamburg Beatles
- “Okay, everybody look in a different direction. Perfect.”
All of them. All of them are the favorite. Even Pete Best. (Who once pulled a really sly move by releasing an album titled “Best of the Beatles” confusing and simultaneously pissing off millions.) The leather jackets, the youth, the burnt out German bus or boat or whatever that is… this has romance written all over it. (Dude on the upper right is Stu Sutcliffe, who died in 1962. He was subsequently dismissed from the band’s lineup.)
img src = Astrid Kirchherr (JULIA: any photos of the boys in Hamburg will always have been taken by Astrid Kirchherr, unless the feds took one of George while they were deporting him).
Paul’s clean grandfather.
Featured image from wallpaperweb.org.