There’s this great little band called the Beatles. It’s made up of four guys: John, Paul, George… and Lenny or something. But even though there’s four, there’s really so much more. In fact, there’s so many sides to these lads that Julia Gazdag and I had to take a closer look and rank them among themselves. I did this with Julia because sometimes, I get by with a little help from my friends. I guess I needed some Help. She loves me, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yellow submarine.
10. Magical Mystery Tour George.
- Think this is bad? Just wait until Eric Clapton steals your wife.
Magical Mystery Tour was an album that McCartney wanted to turn into a film and The Beatles hated him for it. Not Ringo, Ringo’s just happy to be there. Magical Mystery Tour didn’t really have a plot. It was The Beatles on a bus with a tour guide and children and other people and they would stop the bus and then have a little music video and then get back on the bus and then do skits. In one skit, George Harrison and Paul McCarntey are playing wizards. McCartney is thrilled while Harrison looks like he wants to kill himself. It’s a true testament to friendship.
img src = dvd screencap by Almie
9. A Hard Day’s Night Paul
- Fool on the hill.
Look at that vest, you guys. the man is wearing the hell out of it. Out of all four in the ‘Can’t Buy Me Love’ video, his skinny legs are the funnest to watch pumping around that field. I don’t know why, just accept it.
img src = found this on tumblr. I forgot where. But it’s from tumblr, I promise.
8. Turtleneck-and-blazer John
- Best Facebook profile photo ever.
Don’t know if Lennon invented this look, but he definitely perfected it. Transitioning from the Beatle suit look to more individualized ones, Lennon rocked the turtlenecks up until they all started getting into India and stuff. Brunettes take note: red is your color, always and forever. I’m also going to cheat by sneaking in another link here, because he looked wicked hot in Help! riding a bike wearing blue.
7. Older John
- John Lennon is of course known for his supreme Quidditch skills.
When I googled “John Lennon Older” this image came up. You guys, this is not John Lennon. It’s Harry Potter about to get his first moustache wax. Internet, you have failed me. Go to your room. Now no one gets to see a picture of John Lennon being a sexy older man.
6. Shakespearean Ringo
- Got to pay your dues if you wanna sing the blues.
JOHN: Hey let’s put Ringo in a hat.
PAUL: I want a hat too.
JOHN: Okay. Let’s also put Ringo in tights.
PAUL: I want to wear tights too.
JOHN: But Ringo is funnier.
PAUL: No I want to do it too.
JOHN: Okay but Ringo is going to look better. Look at his wee little face.
RINGO: Can I write a song now?
JOHN: Why don’t you have this nice hat instead.
RINGO: But–
PAUL: Ringo what have we told you? You get one song per year.
RINGO: 
*CLICK!*
img src = screencap from this amazing YouTube vid that Julia will never get tired of
5. Young George
- “…and that’s why I’m not allowed in Brooklyn anymore.”
16-year-old George on a hitch-hiking adventure with Paul? I’ll take two.
img src (but really it’s from the Anthology/Harrison family archives)
4. Early ’60s John
- I see you’ve played knivesy spoonsey before.
And late ’60s John. And John in any time period, ever. (ALMIE: I don’t like the later John, he was kind of a diva. JULIA: I don’t want to start arguing in parentheticals, but I disagree.) Look at the mischief in his eyes! Adorable. What’s that spoon doing in his mouth? Can I be a spoon in my previous life?
3. George 2.0 (Dhani Harrison)
- Hey gurl.
ALMIE: It’s like George Harrison is so awesome God made him twice.
JULIA: But this time with less British-looking teeth.
ALMIE: That’s arguable.
ALMIE: I’m sure he’s a talented guy in his own right.
JULIA: He actually is. His record was really good.
ALMIE: Yeah it probably makes an awesome coaster.
JULIA: Well that’s not nice.
ALMIE: I’m kidding, I never listened to it.
JULIA: I’ll send it to you.
JULIA: …I mean, I will purchase it legally and gift it to you.
ALMIE: I’m kind of in a Nicki Minaj phase right now…
2. Miscreant Paul
- Whoa, settle down.
Look at him sass that police officer with a cigarette in his mouth and mischief in his skinny tie. Even the officer couldn’t resist climbing on the car and joining in on the fun! Years later this cop will bust George for pot.
1. Hamburg Beatles
- “Okay, everybody look in a different direction. Perfect.”
All of them. All of them are the favorite. Even Pete Best. (Who once pulled a really sly move by releasing an album titled “Best of the Beatles” confusing and simultaneously pissing off millions.) The leather jackets, the youth, the burnt out German bus or boat or whatever that is… this has romance written all over it. (Dude on the upper right is Stu Sutcliffe, who died in 1962. He was subsequently dismissed from the band’s lineup.)
img src = Astrid Kirchherr (JULIA: any photos of the boys in Hamburg will always have been taken by Astrid Kirchherr, unless the feds took one of George while they were deporting him).
Honorable mention:
Paul’s clean grandfather.
Featured image from wallpaperweb.org.
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This is pretty wonderful. Also true.
Best thing I’ve ever read.
Early Beatles are by far the cutest! Early George is my favorite, but you’re right – John in any period, except post-68, is the best. And Paul. And Ringo. I love those guys so so so so much… <3 I saw a tribute band a few years ago that did a SPOT-ON early impression – they had me screaming like it was 1964. I was kind of glad I wasn't closer to the stage or else it may have ruined the illusion that I was actually at a Beatles concert!
Seriously? This looks like you just searched the Beatles on tumblr and picked interesting photos. Where is Paul’s sweater vest and you didn’t even mention Stuart Sutcliffe or Pete Best, which would have been appropriate. Where are the Sgt. Pepper’s pornstaches or the Apple Records rooftop beards? Where are the Beatles as children? Or remember when they did Shakespeare? What about the Beatles as cartoons or the inflatable Beatles? Come on!
Well whoever did write it, I’m challenging you to a smack-down. PS.: post-’65 Beatles pretty much looked like pedophile central, and while I’m very emotionally attached to them through all eras, let’s face it, this is a top ten list.
We actually did mention Stuart Sutcliffe AND Shakespeare Beatles! Agreed that the rooftop concert was a glaring omission.
P.S. All you need is love.
I didn’t write this! Log me out!
Paul’s clean grandfather ftw, I miss the beatles (and i was born in 1991) BUT STILL , i want new music from them i really do, i guess we wont ever get enough of them they were/are/will be awesome forever and forever
Great post! I luvluvluvvvv John, mainly for being the responsible of my fav Beatles song: Strawberry fields forever.
Thanks for this, they will always be the best. I remember being in Jr. High and High school and loving them, yes I am that old! I was lucky enough to get to meet Paul about 24 years ago and have a picture of him pushing my twin boys in their stroller, yes he was super nice.
http://beatlephotoblog.com/photos/blogger/_AInLCzbQBXM/R-nfJy33ovI/AAAAAAAADRI/7S-kn5rZB_k/s1600/1.jpg
Here he is by the way
Where’s Ringo as the Mock Turtle in the 1985 Alice In Wonderland? That’s clearly the best Beatle and turtle of all time simultaneously!
Oh man I LOVED this movie. Had it taped on VHS forever and then lost it.
My issue is I didn’t want to follow any Beatles post Beatles.
I must have a “very clean” button. Anyone know where I can find one? And if someone isn’t already in this business, I expect to see one of you on Etsy selling them soon.
Miscreant Paul is my favorite Paul haha
I love every one of them… But I’ve been in love with Ringo since the very first time I’ve saw him on a vinil from my father! (I think I was 6 years old) <3
I know! Ringo is so cute! The Cutest Beatle! I love them all and their music is the best!
Agreeing with all of the George love!! I met Dhani last year, and he looks even more like his father in person (which is potentially why I cried after I left the room. oops.)! Also loving Paul’s clean grandfather
Anyone who hasn’t seen Hard Days Night needs to fix that RIGHT NOW!!!
I love George. I’d replace “John in any time period, ever” with “George in any time period, ever.”
Hahaha. Oh my, Dhani Harrison looks EXACTLY like his father. I sampled some of his music on iTunes, it actually is pretty good.
Glad you didn’t pick on George too much. Love him so bad.
I greatly appreciate your appreciation for George. He is epic in every sense. In reference to #10, everyone should watch http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GIlb-I38o9k.
Omggg love this video. I went through the most intense phase with this song. It’s so simple but listen to it closely and it’s actually genius. There are so many sounds and harmonies and then the video with the white suits… sigh.
Sad that everyone hates on Ringo. He was a core member of the group, and he was a damn, good drummer. Ringo for President!
Naw, it’s just good clean fun, like MarioKart.