I cannot tell a lie: I dig celebrity autobiographies. Just the other weekend I did a massive search on the cheapest way to buy Jodie Sweetin’s UnSweetined (I bailed last minute, and lost four precious hours that could have been spent doing… well, anything else. ) But what I like more than celebrity autobiographies? The covers of celebrity autobiographies. Just think – what would you use to illustrate the stories of your life?
Our friend Mindy Kaling’s book, Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me? (And Other Concerns) will be out on November 1st, but the reviews are already out about the cover: It’s adorable! Tina Fey’s book Bossypants was released this year, and while most people seemed a bit turned off by the manly-armed cover, it was definitely a bold representation (as well as an amazing book, if you haven’t gotten the chance to read it yet.)
The books I’ve chosen are charming on a different level – and as a disclaimer, I must state that I haven’t read any of these. Don’t judge a book by its cover? Psh. That’s totally what I’m going to do!
1. Behind The Bell, by Dustin Diamond
Released in 2009, Dustin threatened to “out” all of the wrongdoings that happened on the set of Saved By the Bell. Labeled as “HORRIBLE” and “The worst book I’ve ever read” on Amazon, Screech’s cover tells a completely different story. With hands in “magician pose”, he totally looks like he’s been waiting to tell these possibly untrue stories for years. The captivating look in his eyes screams “I’m more than just Screech, baby. I’ve seen the world.” And the random cutout of the rest of the cast shows that they, in no way, want anything to do with the book or the man behind the book.
But – seriously, what is that? A sticker? There was no better way to illustrate what show you’re on, than have an ill-placed blob of people covering your torso? I’m also guessing that he’s not covering his time on The New Class – maybe that’ll have to wait till later.
2. Fallin’ Up by Taboo
You know Taboo! He’s the guy from the Black Eyed Peas. He reinforces lyrics like “ROOF!” and “YEAH!” And even better, he’s written a book to let you know that you should “Keep It On The Positive”. True story: I was having a bad day, was told to “Keep it on the Positive” (based on inspiration of this book title) and it made me laugh for a solid minute bef0re going back to being sad.
With a thumb in his belt buckle and a hand sign over his heart that I think means love, respect and or peace, he must have gone to a similar Book Cover Hand Image Class that Screech went to.
I’m also loving the beams of lights coming from behind him. Wait – is he supposed to be in space? I think they had a similar effect present for class pictures in the ’80s.
3. Me, Governor? by Richard Codey
Okay, I love Richard Codey. One of my best friends has met him multiple times, and he’s just a great guy. Being from New Jersey, I hold massive respect. But I cannot tell a lie: Even thinking of the cover of this book, along with the title, leaves me in hysterics.
If I could have been anywhere in the past, it would have been at Codey’s photoshoot for the cover. “Okay, man. Just stand on the street, and look confident, yet slightly confused. Oh, I got it. Let’s try to snap some with your arms up. Yeah, in that stereotypical ‘I don’t know’ pose that nobody has ever actually done in real life. Beautiful!”
4. Just Being Me by Rupert Boneham
I’ve been a pretty big Survivor fan since the show aired and think Rupert’s a pretty decent gentleman. Post-show, he used his fame to help out underprivileged teenagers in his community – which is always awesome.
But the book? Oh, the book. When I heard there was going to be a book, I did some research and laughed from publication until now. I guess I have to give them credit – they posed Rupert in a way that he’s known best. With his grizzly beard, tie dyed shirt and surrounded outside by a bunch of foliage. His facial expression tells its own story: he so excited to be on the weird set they threw him on. In the picture above, he’s just excited to be holding the book that he’s excited to be on the cover of. Does Rupert ever get sad? I guess I’ll have to actually read it to find out.
“Just Being Me!” is my fallback phrase for when I do something questionable, and I have Rupert to thank for that. Examples: “Karen, why did you knock a full box of dryer sheets into the washer?” “Uh. Just Being Me!” “How many miniature Kit-Kats have you eaten today? You do know that those are for the Trick-or-Treaters, right?” “Hey, Just Being Me!”
I’m glad Rupert is Just Being Himself, since I’m sure when he’s Just Being Someone Else, he’s an absolute nightmare.
5. Jared, The Subway Guy: Winning Through Losing: 13 Lessons for Turning Your Life Around, by Jared Fogle
And the winner for longest title ever goes to, Jared Fogle! Again, I cannot tell a lie: I read this one, since I stumbled across a free copy and had a lot of time on my hands. Yet content will hold no weight in this brief breakdown. Pun seriously unintended.
First, Jared really wants you to know that this is not a diet book. He makes this very clear by pointing it out three times. Good to know, since if I had brought this to the beach on a nice sunny day, I’d hate for people to judge me for reading a diet book. I’d much prefer to announce to the world that I’m reading a book about Jared Fogle: An American Hero.
Jared chose not to bring his magic, famous pants with him for the cover art. You know: The giant pants that have appeared in nearly every Jared Fogle-related advertisement that has ever been made. I always wondered what would have happened if he managed to lose them on a publicity trip – would he buy a pair of big pants on the road? Would people know that those aren’t actually the pants he wore from the past? Is that false advertising? I choose not to think harder about this than I’ve already illustrated.
The bright yellow shirt is definitely a symbol of optimism. Paired with his new jeans, he looks – well, I hate to say it, but he just looks off. Something about the combo just isn’t working for me. I wonder what he was leaning on that vanished due to the title being an object.
Just like Taboo, Jared chose the “I have a thumb hanging somewhere off my pants” pose. I can’t wait till my own autobiography comes out: I’ll have a thumb in each pocket, with a shirt that has a picture of the “love” sign made super famous by Taboo. It’ll be a best seller!
What are some of your favorite celebrity autobiography covers? Let us know in the comments below!