Apocalypstick's ApocaLIST

Top 5 Internet Crushes

Almie here, your favorite neurotic blogger (maybe?). I am single and crushing on the Internet – specifically, these guys. They have it all: creativity, intelligence and dazzling smiles. Big thanks to Al Gore for making this all possible.

5. David Karp.


5.) He founded Tumblr.

4.) His eyes.

3.) His hair.

2.) His lips.

1.) He looks like a Belle and Sebastian song.


4. Brian McElhaney and Nick Kocher AKA Britanick.

Here is a genuine YouTube sensation comedy duo. Like Martin & Lewis of the whatever-this-is generation. You’ve probably seen some of their stuff, like the one they did that parodies every movie trailer every made, or their classic “It’s not delivery, it’s DiGiorno” video. There’s something so lovingly goofy about these guys that hit you right in the ole heart/loins.

3. Zeddie Little AKA Ridiculously Photogenic Guy.

I know, I know, it’s so obvious. So obvious that I COULDN’T not put him here. Zeddie Little was jogging in a marathon when someone, possibly Zoolander, took his picture and thought, “Wow, this guy is ridiculously good looking.” They posted the photo on Internet juggernaut Reddit and a meme was born. You’ll see the photo of him jogging with captions like: “CRASHES WEDDING — BECOMES GROOM” or “DIES IN AN ACCIDENT — GOD SENDS HIM BACK TO EARTH” OR “TOURISTS ASK HIM TO TAKE PICTURES — OF HIMSELF.” To omit this man would be bad Internet form.

2. PJ Liguori AKA Kick the PJ.

PJ Ligouri is British. Do you need to know more? Okay, fine. He’s a YouTube sensation, is popular on VYou where he answers questions in video form, has a great Tumblr and plays guitar. Still need to know more? He’s funny, charming, and has a well decorated bedroom (which, sadly I do not know from experience, he shoots his videos in his bedroom). He is the British blogger answer to Ryan Gosling, which is a question that no one has ever asked. But there you go.

1. Christopher Poole, AKA “Moot.”

Moot is the founder/creator of 4chan, what many think of as the Internet’s dark and scary no-no place. But really 4chan is fine. It’s a giant image message board kind of thing. /b/ is the board where you have the occasional bout of insanity and WTF-ness. Based on this, Moot seems like the kind of guy who would be bad news – but he’s wearing a hoodie and looks like the grown version of Charlie Bucket, so it’s hard to tell, isn’t it? I think that Moot is the kind of guy who would take you to dinner and make you feel bad about yourself but only in a way that makes you want him more, and he wouldn’t pay for dinner, and he’d make out real good, and ask you to borrow your car, and you’d let him, and when he gives it back it would smell like McDonald’s and the gas tank would be almost empty. In conclusion, make out with me, Moot.

Gentlemen, you know where to find me: on the Internet.

Images made by me. If you liked this, you might also like The Pros and Cons of TV’s Best Boyfriends, Ten Classic Gifs, and Top 10 Old People I’d Like To Date.

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