Ladies, winter is coming up and we have to get ready. With the equinox just 5 short months away, what does the modern woman need to do to get ready for sweater season?

1. Start practicing with your parka. Wear it around the house, to a barbeque or to the beach. When a dude says, “You look hot,” say, “Thank you, this jacket is certified to minus 60% below zero.” Then wink. You know what he means ladies, right? Right?

2. Try doing everyday stuff with mittens on.
Like typing. Have fun!  E.g. ahudfnjk;afbdjfbjkls093u84urahlu = happy holidays

3. Eat gingerbread willy-nilly. You’re welcome.

4. Q. It’s the holidays! Calories don’t count, right?  A. Correct. You must adopt this attitude to successfully attain a winter steaze.

5. Fly some family members out to see you, preferably more than can fit in your apartment or house. Make them share towels.  Watch the magic as it happens.

6. Rock some Christmas tunes at work. People will love this. No one loves ‘Holly Jolly Christmas’ more than your co-workers. Play it loud.

7. Time for pajamas! You sweat at night? Too bad! You have to suffer for a winter body.

8. Festive sweater time. Get comfy in your sweet Cosby with X-mas trees or a menorah. Let everyone know what’s up.

9. SPF 1 zillion. Do it.

10.  If it doesn’t have a crust, don’t eat it.  All the best winter meals start and end with pie. Embrace this, now.

Well that’s all I have.  Attaining a winter body is a challenge, but with enough perseverance and ambition, you can do it.  I know you can.

  • Victoria Flynn

    Sharing towels leads to herpes. Herpes is for life man, beware.

  • Sandra Garcia

    Good post! Love tip #4. “Calories don’t count” :) So true. In winter I love my body the most. I can eat cake without feeling too guilty, and if someone asks if I’ve put on weight (they’re b****s if they do) I can say “Of course not! I’m just wearing 4 sweaters and 2 pairs of leggings under my jeans” although it’s not true.

  • Melissa Meza

    You’re preaching to the choir, Zooey. And the pie rule? Oh my God, YES.

  • Kate Schaeffer

    wow, I love this! Strike one against the craziness driven by the fashion industry. Fun!

  • Megan Younce

    YESSS! My coworker rocks Christmas tunes all year in the office, it just makes me smile

  • John Hancock

    might as well work on my winter body, still havent got it together for swim suit weather 2008

  • Tannie Dương

    I love #1… haha

  • Emma Green

    This is such a cute post. :)

  • AlexIs Morales


  • Akesa Jitoko

    Loved this! Made my morning! :)

  • Lindsay Marsh

    If I do that I will get fat.

  • Kaitlyn Shore

    I was just thinking I needed some eggnog the other day… I like how I’m not the only one!!

  • Brandy Franklin

    Yeay! I already have a pretty sizable head start on this!

  • Anonymous

    I love this! It is so hot right now that I am pretty much dream about winter all the time, but now I can start practicing!

  • Kristina Cole

    I love this! It is so hot right now that I am pretty much dream about winter all the time, but now I can start practicing!

  • Michelle Carrère Seizer

    JAJAA. LOVED THIS! shared it with my friends, then went bikeriding…is that illegal?

  • Nancy Reilly

    Shouldn’t there have been something about letting your leg hair grow and stop exfoliating?

    • Marianna Tabares

      Yes! To hold up our socks right?

  • Erin Farley

    Also, don’t shave your legs.

  • Elizabeth L Wright

    LOL, I am not ashamed to say I have been rockin’ Christmas tunes already!!

  • Ellie McElvain

    so great

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