Ladies, winter is coming up and we have to get ready. With the equinox just 5 short months away, what does the modern woman need to do to get ready for sweater season?
1. Start practicing with your parka. Wear it around the house, to a barbeque or to the beach. When a dude says, “You look hot,” say, “Thank you, this jacket is certified to minus 60% below zero.” Then wink. You know what he means ladies, right? Right?
2. Try doing everyday stuff with mittens on. Like typing. Have fun! E.g. ahudfnjk;afbdjfbjkls093u84urahlu = happy holidays
3. Eat gingerbread willy-nilly. You’re welcome.
4. Q. It’s the holidays! Calories don’t count, right? A. Correct. You must adopt this attitude to successfully attain a winter steaze.
5. Fly some family members out to see you, preferably more than can fit in your apartment or house. Make them share towels. Watch the magic as it happens.
6. Rock some Christmas tunes at work. People will love this. No one loves ‘Holly Jolly Christmas’ more than your co-workers. Play it loud.
7. Time for pajamas! You sweat at night? Too bad! You have to suffer for a winter body.
8. Festive sweater time. Get comfy in your sweet Cosby with X-mas trees or a menorah. Let everyone know what’s up.
9. SPF 1 zillion. Do it.
10. If it doesn’t have a crust, don’t eat it. All the best winter meals start and end with pie. Embrace this, now.
Well that’s all I have. Attaining a winter body is a challenge, but with enough perseverance and ambition, you can do it. I know you can.