Top Ten (Old School) Nickelodeon Hotties:
10. Judy Funnie, Doug. Let’s be real, Judy is the hottest person on that show, so if crushing on a female cartoon character is wrong, tell God because he makes no mistakes.
She’s still in love with Judas, baby.
9. Cuba Good Jr.’s brother, Omar Gooding, host of Wild & Crazy Kids. WILD and CRAZY indeed! This guy has all the cuteness of Cuba but without the heavy burdens of being an Oscar winner and starring in Snow Dogs.
8. Powdered Toast Man, Ren & Stimpy. So what if his head is a slice of toast? His body is sick.
THIS WAS A CHILDREN’S SHOW.
7. Josh, All That. He was in Peter & Flemm, the Goofus of this Goofus and Gallant spoof. More parodies that kids were sure to watch fly over their heads was his Detective Dan, an incompetent detective based on noir detective films of the 40s, and “Jimmy Bond”. This guy was AHEAD OF HIS TIME, by which I mean his writers. But his writers sure didn’t write A SMILE LIKE THAT or those DREAMY, DREAMY EYES. Insert how Josh had “all that” joke here. Oh wait, I guess I just did.
Because the kids just love Groucho Marx.
6. Tobias, Animoprhs. Sexy as a hawk. Literally! This Skeet Ulrich-in-training could also turn into a hawk. Until he was permanently trapped as one. That was kind of a buzzkill. Also he season ended abruptly after two seasons. But his hotness will always live on in the ghost of Ulrich’s past.
5. The Guy Who Hosted Legends: Of The Hidden Temple. Was it me or did this guy have a total Emilio thing going on? I’d Blue his Barracuda. WHAT??
“Wanna see my silver snake?”
4. Sam, Clarissa Explains It All. I’d let him climb my ladder anytime. And that’s all that needs explaining.
Whoa, when did Kurt Cobain get here??
3. Ted, Hey Dude. A little wild and a little strange to love this guy? I THINK NOT. Ted was my first experience with “bad boys”. True, a bad boy on this show was someone who like, hid Mr. Ernst’s hat, but still it was enough to make me swoon.
It’s a little blurry, but trust me, he’s cute. I think.
2. Gary, Are You Afraid Of The Dark? Do NOT google him unless you want to know what he looks like now and you have six hours set aside for crying. It’s not that he’s ugly or anything – HE’S A LOCAL WEATHER MAN IN A SUIT WITHOUT THE GLASSES AND I HAVE A FEELING HE IS NO LONGER AFRAID OF THE DARK. I always dreamed Gary would be my first boyfriend. We’d hold hands in the woods and he would shyly ask me if I was afraid and I’d say, “No, you’re here” and smile and then the Titanic would go down and he’d hold me close as we hit the water. Or…something.
1. (Older) Pete, The Adventures of Pete & Pete. Who didn’t love big Pete? The sensitive, earnest Pete. The kind of Pete who would take you out and not try anything fresh unless you really, really wanted it. I mean I don’t know this is just my age-appropriate self for when this show came out talking. It’s not like I recently watched this on DVD and thought this. Hey isn’t the theme song great and damn that Pete has some nice eyes and lips I MEAN COME ON LOOK AT HIM, SOMEBODY LOOK AT THIS KID. Is what I didn’t think. At all. Hey, wasn’t the theme song for this show great??!!??
Oh hi, DAVID BOWIE.
All screencaps made by me from YouTube.
Let’s watch Lost tonight. You can be my black John Locke tonight. Almie Rose is a writer/blogger/sort of actress from LA who runs the blog apocalypstick.com. She also reguarly contributes for This Recording, Off Our Chests, Ms. Magazine’s Blog, The College Crush, and has a relationship column in Genlux Magazine. You can find her on twitter, like her on Facebook, ask her a question on vyou, or watch her on youtube. Or you can do none of those things, and she’ll totally understand.