Disney movies are known for their songs, morals and goofy sidekicks with googly eyes. It’s just fact. Here are the top ten best Disney sidekicks. The dragon from Mulan is not here. Carry on.
10. Sebastian, The Little Mermaid.
When you’re a little kid watching this film, you think Sebastian is funny but really annoying. As an adult, I find Sebastian funny and not annoying at all — Ariel is the one who is really annoying. When ‘Bastian says, “Somebody’s gotta nail dat girl’s fins to de floor,” I high-fived the screen. That poor little crab went through so much to protect that fishtailed teen. He almost got chopped up by a mentally unstable sous-chef. Hold on, I have something in my eye. I don’t want to talk about this anymore.
9. Archimedes, The Sword in the Stone.
This one is for Julia Gazdag, who threatened me if I didn’t include this cartoon owl. I haven’t seen this film so I don’t know this character but she describes him as the “Al Gore of Disney movies”, so I was sold. He is Merlin’s sidekick. This is everything I know. I have no more knowledge of anything else on this topic. You’re welcome, Julia.
8. Baloo, The Jungle Book.
Baloo was a great sidekick because he had the best “time in the story when we need to cheer everyone up” song. Better than ‘Hakuna Matata’. I am referring to ‘The Bare Necessities’. And it’s funny because he’s a bear. So you have some clever wordplay there, as well. He was just a really chill guy. Fun fact I made up: “The Dude” in The Big Lebowski was based on Baloo.
7. Smee, Peter Pan.
Smee was the pirate grandpa we all wanted but never got.
6. The Hyenas, The Lion King.
I almost picked Ursula’s cronies Flotsam and Jetsam (from The Little Mermaid) instead of Scar’s hyena trio but two words changed my mind: Whoopi. Goldberg. Also, I really get the hyenas. I think they’re high all the time. And I admire that.
5. The Magic Carpet, Aladdin.
Best Disney sidekick ever because it doesn’t talk.
4. Lefou, Beauty and the Beast.
Lefou is Gaston’s sidekick/best friend despite the fact that he doesn’t know how to spell Gaston’s name. (“G-A-S…T?…G-A-S-T…E? G-A-S-T-O? Ooeeugghhh.”) His sole purpose in life is to make Gaston look super attractive by comparison and when that fails, to get a group of townspeople to sing about how great Gaston is. Why doesn’t anyone do that for me? I feel bad about myself a lot. No one ever breaks into song about how awesome I am. And I have a cleft in my chin, too! Now I’m angry. Screw all the girls who say, “Disney gave me unrealistic expectations about hair” because Disney gave ME unrealistic expectations about sidekicks.
3. Bert, Mary Poppins.
Full disclosure: Bert is my dream man. Skinny pants, plays every instrument, fake British accent and his hobby is sidewalk drawing? Bert is the original hipster. And Mary, HBIC she may be, knows that she needs Bert to balance her out. She’s stern and fierce; he’s silly and FABULOUS. Too bad she friendzones him like it’s her job. I guess Poppins realizes the importance of having a sidekick over having a boyfriend. Unless her talking bird umbrella is really her sidekick and Bert is her secret boyfriend. This entire paragraph reads like the ramblings of someone who writes Mary Poppins fanfic. Oh, they’re out there, buddy.
2. The orchestra in Fantasia.
The orchestra is totally the sidekick to the animation in this movie. This movie is also great for those times when you think, “Hey, you know what I haven’t had in a while? Horrible nightmares. Fuel up!”
1. The ant, Honey I Shrunk the Kids.
(I couldn’t find a photo of it, just picture a giant ant, it’s the same thing.)
As creepy as a giant ant can be, it’s also weirdly sweet and touching. In HISTK, Rick Moranis, R.I.P., (yeah, he’s alive, I know) shrinks his kids because he’s an idiot and the kids get lost in the backyard which is like a vast jungle to them because they’re smaller than ants and one giant ant comes to their rescue when things get really spoiler alert. I won’t tell you what happens to the ant, but he spoiler alerts for the kids.
So here’s the part where you tell me, “You missed ___!” and “How could you forget about ____!” and “Let me tell you something, Internet!” Who are your favorite Disney sidekicks?
All images from The Disney Wiki.