Apocalypstick's ApocaLIST Top 10 Angriest Love Songs Almie Rose

“Love stinks,” proclaimed the J. Geils Band. It sure can, fellas! Valentine’s Day is coming up, or as some know it, next Tuesday. Last year I spent Valentine’s Day at a rib joint and then sang ‘You Oughta Know’ at karaoke. If these plans loom in your future, here are some awesome angry love songs you can belt out on the karaoke stage, in the shower or on the freeway.

It’s sometimes hard to classify exactly what a love song is, so I’m taking a more general approach to love song criteria. Go easy on me, Gigglers.

10. ‘I’ll Kill Her’ – Soko. This song is told from the point of view of an angry young French girl whose boyfriend left her for a “bleach blond girl” and warns her former beau that if she sees said blond, she’ll kill her.

angry french girl

The French are nothing if not level-headed.

“I’ll kill her, I’ll kill her
She stole my future, she broke my dream
I’ll kill her, I’ll kill her
She stole my future when she took you away.”

Girl, I relate.

9. ‘Heartless’ – Kanye West. Kanye refers to this mystery woman as Austin Powers’ Dr. Evil, so he’s really going for the jugular here.

kanye west

Kanye likes to take five minutes out of every day to stop and look disappointed.

“How could you be so cold as the winter wind when it breeze, yo?” Poetry.

Speaking of cold:

8. ‘She’s So Cold’ – The Rolling Stones.

I guess the point he’s trying to make here is that this woman is cold, with a less than appealing attitude and demeanor:

“She’s so cold, she’s so goddamn cold she’s so

Cold cold cold she’s so cold.”

Have a photo of Mitt Romney. No reason.

“When I touched her, my hand just froze.”

Again, the message here is that this female character is not kind or warm-hearted. But the lyrics aren’t clear; this is merely an educated guess.

7. ‘Back to Black’ – Amy Winehouse.

Just let it all out, girl. Get a beehive and some eyeliner. That makes everything better.

Some may argue that this song is more about sadness and hurt than anger, but they all tie together. Sometimes anger is quiet.

“You went back to what you knew/So far removed from all that we went through”

&

“We only said goodbye with words
I died a hundred times
You go back to her
And I go back to…”

We miss you, Amy.

6. ‘Common People’ – Pulp.

william and kate wedding

"I want to sleep with common people like you."

Best song about a failed relationship ever? If not the best, then definitely the most detailed. Actually ‘Album of the Year’ by The Good Life might take that trophy, but did William Shatner cover their song? No. Did he cover ‘Common People’ and slay it like a a kid with a foam sword slaying an imaginary Jabberwocky? Yes. But back to Pulp. The whole song is mocking this rich girl who has a rich girl attitude (she’s ignorant). He may not even be in love with her. Or maybe he once was. Or maybe she’s just really good in bed. But the biting sarcasm in this song is worth being on this list.

“Sing along with the common people, sing along and it might just get you through
Laugh along with the common people
Laugh along even though they’re laughing at you and the stupid things that you do. 
Because you think that poor is cool.”

5. ‘Run for Your Life’ – The Beatles.

"I'm scared inside!"

You may think of The Beatles as all sunshine and love, but thanks to John Lennon, things got angry. Behold the most disturbing song The Beatles have ever written:

“Well I’d rather see you dead, little girl
Than to be with another man
You better keep your head, little girl
Or I won’t know where I am

You better run for your life if you can, little girl
Hide your head in the sand little girl
Catch you with another man 
That’s the end, little girl.”

Oh and P.S.: All you need is love!

4. “F**k You” – Cee Lo Green.

happy couple red covertable

"I see you drivin' round town with the girl I love and I'm like, oh that's cool, she's moved on.

This song takes the angriest lyrics and sets them against a Motown sound and that is why Cee Lo Green is Cee Lo GREAT.

“Now I know, that I had to borrow,
Beg and steal and lie and cheat.
Trying to keep ya, trying to please ya.
‘Cause being in love with you ass ain’t cheap.”

Oh snap, Cee Lo! You did not!

3. ‘You Oughta Know’ – Alanis Morrisette.

The classic angry love song. And we have Uncle Joey from Full House to thank.

uncle joey

Yeah. This guy.

“’cause the joke that you laid on the bed that was me
And I’m not gonna fade
As soon as you close your eyes and you know it
And every time I scratch my nails down someone else’s back
I hope you feel it…well can you feel it?”

What the HELL did he do to her? I’m guessing he made one too many puns.

2. ‘I Hate Myself for Loving You’ – Joan Jett and the Blackhearts.

joan jett recent

But she looks so happy!

This one really gets the crowd going. I think the majority of us have been there, where we really love/like someone and we’re completely disgusted with ourselves for loving/liking this person.

“I think of you ev’ry night and day 
You took my heart then you took my pride away .

I hate myself for loving you 
Can’t break free from the the things that you do 
I wanna walk but I run back to you that’s why 
I hate myself for loving you.” 

Note: Joan Jett does however love rock ‘n’ roll.

1. ‘Bloody Motherf**king Assh**e’ – Martha Wainwright.

Kittens! Are not in this song at all.

I think the title says it all. But here’s more:

“I will not pretend
I will not put on a smile
I will not say I’m all right for you
When all I wanted was to be good
To do everything in truth
To do everything in truth

You bloody motherf**king assh**e
Oh you bloody motherf**king assh**e
Oh you bloody…”

Happy Valentine’s day!

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  1. Seriously? Uncle Joey? No wonder that girl was angry!

  2. There’s a GREAT Irish band called Fight Like Apes whose lead singer writes these terrifically gory songs about some guy who really messed her up.. A particularly choice line is “Let’s play pull off your arms and play in your blood”. Nice.

  3. Used to Love Her by Guns N’ Roses

    I used to love her, but I had to kill her
    I had to put her, six feet under, and I can still hear her complain

  4. uncle joey. no. way.

  5. How did you guys not know it was about Uncle Joey?????!! Cut it out! :)

  6. “You Oughta Know” is about Uncle Joey? My mind is utterly blown.

    Also, the William Shatner cover of “Common People” is probably the greatest ever.

    Actually, no. This list. This list is the greatest ever.

  7. Gotta say, I expected The Mountain Goats “No Children” on there. It’s just as much a love song as Bloody Motherf**king Assh**e

  8. …Alanis went out with UNCLE JOEY? UNCLE JOEY IS THE REASON WE HAVE JAGGED LITTLE PILL?!?!! You just blew my 90′s mind.

    Oh, and Martha said she wrote that song about her dad. Which just makes it even more messed up.