Misogynist Soup Too Emo to Work, Are Manicures a Health Expense? and Breastfeeding is Way Gross Cézanne Colvin

To make this week’s Misogynist Soup, you will need the following ingredients:

  • Penelope Trunk.
  • Sandy Rios.
  • Outraged parents at the pool.

THE BROTH


A candid photograph of Ms. Trunk enjoying the sun and a super-emotional laugh over the idea that women are a good asset to the office.
Image via Penelope Trunk.

Three-time startup founder and mother Penelope Trunk had a shocking revelation last year for the rest of us I-want-to-have-it-all hopefuls: Women don’t actually want anything to do with start-ups because they all just want children.

It’s different for men, she insists, as “men do not search all over town finding the perfect ballet teacher.” Women want pretty pirouettes, not lame careers!

Thankfully, she didn’t stop there. Hailed by Inc. Magazine’s as “the world’s most influential guidance counselor”, Trunk shared more of her wisdom with us last week. Another reason why women should stay away from startups is because we’re just naturally way too distracting for professional environments.

“The fact that I am female has been a distraction to us,” Trunk said of her start-up male co-founders. “When I was young, people thought my co-founder and I were a couple.”

And if the horrid possibility of being thought of as a couple when you are so not a couple isn’t enough to keep you home (except for when you’re chauffeuring your little darling to recitals), Trunk also touches on the important fact that she was too emotional and cried a lot at work, just like how “most women cry [on the job]” and “this is all drama that you don’t need in the beginning stages of a company.”

Well, I’m convinced. Save your entrepreneurial heart for your next life, in which you’ll hopefully have what it takes to do your job (a penis) and get a jump-start on your Lamaze instead. While the men are raising a toast to their professional successes, we’ll be enjoying a much more gender-appropriate Happy Hour at the barre.

Source: BNET.

THE MEAT


Just look at them, all little and in an inconspicuous pink case, trying to pretend they’re not evil.
Image via Healthapalooza.

Last week, the Obama administration announced that health insurers will be required to cover birth control and other health services for women without charging co-pays.

It sounds like good news but Fox expert and Family PAC Federal Vice President Sandy Rios quickly set the record straight as to why making it more realistic for women to avoid unwanted pregnancies (that’s 50 percent of pregnancies in the United States) is actually not at all in our best interests.

“We’re $14 trillion in debt and now we’re going to cover birth control, breast pumps and counseling for abuse?” Rios asked. (By the way, the answer to your question, girl, is yes.) “Are we going to do pedicures and manicures as well?”


I believe that she asked this in earnest, as she appears to have a vested interest in the state of her own nails. I understand, as I share this obsession and recognize that polish upkeep is expensive.

While the White House hasn’t yet confirmed or denied whether pedicures and manicures will also be covered by health insurance, I’d like to formally make the case that they absolutely should be. Birth control, abuse counseling and pretty nails all more or less fall in the same category, as Rios astutely observed, and thus, if we’re going to cover one, it’d be ridiculous to not cover them all.

Not one to look stupid, Rios was sure to research her topic to the fullest before she even thought about lecturing. “In Red China, they have this down to a science,” she said. “The local health care centers make women come in every month to be examined to see if they’ve had their cycle to make sure they are taking their medication. And if they have a baby, they are roundly punished. If they have an extra baby, that baby is aborted. That is the control we’re moving toward.

I constructed a Venn Diagram to accompany Rios’ troubling comparison partially as a courtesy to any visual learners out there, but mostly for my own amusement:

She continued, “Why in the world would you encourage your daughters, and your granddaughters, and whoever else comes behind you to have unrestricted, unlimited sex anytime, anywhere, and that somehow if you prevent pregnancy, that somehow you’ve helped them?”

Is this starting to get creepy or what? It’s like she’s reading my mind. As we all know, once we hop on the pill and are able to make responsible decisions about reproduction, there’s nothing to stop us from devoting our lives to sex. Speaking from personal experience, ever since I started taking birth control, my sex life has been nothing but unlimited and unrestricted. Frankly, it’s a wonder that I’m able to type right now.

Source: Think Progress.

THE TOPPING


EW, GET IT AWAY FROM ME.
Image via Mommy Salad.

In Ohio, women are allowed to be topless wherever men share the same privilege. On top of that, Ohio law also allows breastfeeding wherever the mother is allowed to be with a child.

Chrissy Houtz was breastfeeding her son at the city pool – not exactly a location where skin-bearing is entirely unheard of – in Norwalk, Ohio when a stranger photographed her, she faced harassment and was told to stop.

After talking to Ken Leber, the Norwalk Parks and Recreation Superintendent, and hearing that he promised to retrain employees to uphold the state law that protects her rights, she thought she could return the pool and feed her kid if he got hungry.

As if! When she went back to the pool and tried to nurse her child, several families complained because it’s “disgusting, and they didn’t want to have their children exposed to that,” said a pool employee.

I find it really sweet that parents think it’s gross and inappropriate for their children to potentially see the same way that the majority of them were likely fed. If you’re a mom with a hungry baby, no cooling off at the pool for you! Stay at home and keep your disgusting female body and baby to yourself.

Source: The Stir.

DIRECTIONS

Combine all ingredients and bring them to a boil, much like my blood pressure is at the moment. You’ll know it’s done when it tastes like misogyny with a hint of “please tell me this isn’t real life.” Enjoy!

comments

Please help us maintain positive conversations by refraining from posting spam, advertisements, and links to other websites or blogs. we reserve the right to remove your comment if it does not adhere to these guidelines. thanks! post a comment.

  1. WOW. This is the best article of yours I’ve read yet!

  2. She actually said “Red China”? Where do they find these people? *Still incredulous*

  3. Never mind that erectile dysfunction drugs have been covered by insurance, and the government has to mandate coverage of the pill. I have many friends who are on the pill for something BESIDES contraception.

  4. Damn…that Sandy Rios…

    Great article by the way!!

  5. It seems that the only people who believe that health care (in any form) is a privilege, not a human right, are the ones who have never been un-privileged.

  6. Question: Why is it that we are providing birth control without having to pay a co-pay? Supposedly because of the high pregnancy rate and to avoid unwanted pregnancies, right? Well, if birth control were provided easily to all females, then would that do anything to stop them from having MORE sex? No, I’d say it would encourage them to at least keep acting the way they’ve been acting or potentially have more sex, not less. If you think about it, unwanted pregancies and this high birth rate come from not using proper precaution, whether it be birth control pills or condoms. With easy access to birth control, would we not be preventing more life from happening while continuing to see STDs spread at the same rate or higher? I’m all about allowing females to have easy access to birth control, but there is just so more to it…

    • As a sexually active female, I shall give you my thoughts.
      When I was not on the pill, I had sex. I got on the pill and had roughly the same amount of sex with the same partner. I see your point, but the women who choose to be safe about pregnancy, are probably being safe with sexual health. Being on the pill will not make you go out and have sex anymore than you naturally would. You’ll just be safer. The logic that you keep doesn’t make much sense.

  7. GIRL YOU KILL IT EVERY WEEK.

  8. So what makes Penelope Trunk so different from all of us other pirouette loving, drama inciting weepy women? Testosterone shots?

  9. How is nursing a hungry baby more “disgusting” than 60-year-old overweight men in speedos? Or, really, anyone in ill-fitting swimwear? Now *that* should be illegal.

  10. Obsessed with your column girl. Love it.

  11. What is Sandy Rios Fox’s expert on? How to say ridiculous and patently-absurd things? Because if so, she’s really good at her job!

    Given her background, I can see being against birth control — can’t let women have control of their own reproductive cycle! — but breast pumps? She can’t be against the government telling insurance companies to pay for breast pumps! How are the babies going to get fed! Think of the children!!!!

    As for the abuse counselling, well, I’m sure she thinks that all a waste of time. I mean if other women would just submit to the every whim of their husband/boyfriend like she does, those men wouldn’t need to abuse them, would they?!?!?

    Today’s sarcasm has been brought to you by the letter ‘F,’ the number 310 million, and the Corporation for Bashing Fox News.

  12. I must be doing something wrong, I’ve been on birth control forever and I’ve hardly had any sex.

  13. this is an awesome post. i love the sarcasm mixed in with it. this is really eye opening; thanks for sharing!

  14. OK, you have a sense of humour, but about birth control can’t agree with you and I am with Sandy Rios.

    • Well, Olga my friend, it’s a good thing this law is taking place. Clearly, you don’t understand it. I shall help. Observe:

      IF YOU DON’T WANT TO BE ON THE PILL, DON’T. IF YOU CHOOSE TO HAVE PROTECTED SEX AND DECIDE THE PILL IS YOUR PREFERRED SAFETY NET, YOU WILL SOON HAVE THE OPTION TO TAKE IT WITHOUT ANY COST TO YOU. WIN, WIN.

      Keep YOUR beliefs off MY ovaries, please.

  15. Adequate women’s health insurance = Communist China.I don’t know why I never made that connection before now, it seems obvious!
    Sometimes I wonder whether these people actually listen to what they’re saying. I mean seriously how do they come up with all this crap?

HelloGiggles Podcast