Today World, I’m Not Going To Be A Stresshead

I recently discovered the phrase ‘If stress burned calories, I’d be a supermodel’. This, of course, would be an ideal situation but unfortunately, the reality is that stress is not a good thing. It makes us ugly mean girls.

Even thinking about how I’m going to stop being stressed is stressing me out. Here’s some quick how-tos on how to de-stress yourself on those days you feel like you might explode and fall out with all your friends.

20 Ways To Not Be A Stressy Bitch

  1. Watch a funny video or a stand-up comedian on YouTube. It’s physically impossible to be stressed out if you’re laughing.
  2. Have a cup of herbal tea.
  3. Listen to any Jose Gonzalez song.
  4. Punch a pillow. (Not a person.)
  5. Go for a quick walk.
  6. Squeeze someone’s hand.
  7. Change your mobile phone clock to be ten minutes early.
  8. Have a massage. Preferably by someone hot.
  9. Imagine you are lying on warm sand.
  10. Have a bath. With lots of unnecessary bubbles.
  11. Take deep, slow breaths. Maybe on your own though so you don’t look weird.
  12. Do a yoga session. You’ll be concentrating on how awkward it is, not on how shit your day was.
  13.  Write something down and get it out of your head.
  14. Flirt with someone.
  15. Sharpen a pencil. Sounds odd but it works.
  16. Play a game. Like Tetris or something.
  17. Open a bloody window. There’s nothing worse than a stuffy office.
  18. Ring your funniest or most inappropriate friend.
  19. Say ‘Om’. Or make up your own mantra (or steal from the Spice Girls, e.g. zig-a-zig-aahhh.)
  20. Drop the F-bomb. Yes, swear. Loudly. That a sure-fire way to make you feel better.

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