Teenage Wasteland

To Date Or Not To Date?

I just started 7th grade. According to the internet, this is the most awkward and frustrating year. I  agree. On the first day of school, half of the boys suddenly started hating us, and the other half started drooling over us, and not in the good way. They’re all pervy. And they all want to date. I’m 12, I’m the oldest girl in the grade, and I’m one of the only girls who isn’t dating.

I have no idea what dating as a 12-year-old means. This is how i see it: Boys are broke, so I don’t count on him paying for my dinner or something because the only money he gets he spends on video games and Axe cologne. I shouldn’t have to worry about a romantic dinner anyways, he’s not going to be able to drive me anywhere for another 4 years and I don’t want to ride on his handlebars because I’m still taller than him by 2 feet. Unfortunately, I’m going to have to carpool with him and his Mom. She’ll most likely ask me creepy TMI questions like, “Do you have a blog?” or “What color is your room?” He’s a boy, so he won’t pick a place that I’ll enjoy for our date. That means I’m going to go to the laser dome every date. If I’m lucky he might choose to take me to a movie that I’ll have to pay for, but it will most likely be a gory PG-13 movie that will make me uncomfortable for lying about my age for 3 months about and also just uncomfortable watching in general. I don’t want him to think I’m a wimp so I won’t tell him I have a major panic disorder and am extremely scared of horror movies because then he’ll break up with me. If I stay in the bathroom for the gross parts, that might work, except for the fact that if I stay in too long he’ll think I’m pooing and then he’ll break up with me. Being the most awkward person in the world, I’ll probably say something stupid and he’ll break up with me. I think it’s weird and awkward to date this young anyway so I don’t think I want to date anyways. If a boy asks me out and he’s attractive and I say, “Lets wait until next year in high school”, he’ll break up with me even though we were never officially dating.

And if we’re not going to go out for our date, then would I go over to his house? I’ll show up at his house that’ll smell like a mix of socks, BO and Axe. I’ll awkwardly sayhi to his parents who are secretly video taping everything we do. After eating dinner, we’ll go downstairs to his basement. I’ve been to a total of 1 boy’s house before and it was for his 12th birthday party. There were 3 girls and 3 boys. His basement smelt so discussing and all they did was play Xbox and run into each other with exercise balls. If he thinks I’m doing that with him when we’re on a date then it’s over.  A REAL date would be him bringing me flowers and paying for my dinner that he takes me to, preferably Earl’s. He’ll compliment me every 5 minutes about how gorgeous I am. Then he’ll try to give me a good night kiss but then I’ll tell him I don’t think I’m ready to be in that big of a relationship and that’ll make him more desperate.

All I can say is it’s a good thing I don’t overthink things because then I’d be freaking out!

Image Via: katherineolivia.

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