This Week, the World Will Not Exercise Self-Control

Since this is a new column for HelloGiggles, I would just like to lay out the basic premise before I start out. A really good piece of advice that I received to determine if my behavior was sane or not was to think about what would happen if my actions became a rule that the whole world had to follow. The consequences should be able to tell me whether I’m closer to the “You’re Okay” or the “What, what, what are you doing?” side of the spectrum. Here we go!

This past week I was able to fulfill a life-long dream of mine. Well, a dream that I’ve had since 2010. I, Maria Hernandez, went to the Wizarding World of Harry Potter. It was magical. The only reason I didn’t cry was because I knew all the European tourists would make fun of me.

Souvenir-wise, I thought I was going to be able to just buy a picture frame, keychain and a Hufflepuff pin. Apparently, I over-estimated my self-control. I have NO control. I felt like I was in a downward spiral every time I went into the shops. There was just so much stuff, and I wanted it all. Correction, I had to have it all.

Let’s consider the world, and what would happen if everyone lost control when it came to buying the things that they love.

Here are a few things I think would happen:

1. The economy would miraculously recovery overnight.

2. Stores would fall to their knees and thank the Gods.

3. All goods would be depleted.

4. I would be in serious debt and so would you. It’s unfortunate that I don’t have an unlimited supply of cash to fund my Betsey J. addiction.

5. Shopping would become the new extreme sport.You would have to gear up to enter the mall. It would be a battlefield where you had to be equipped with weapons to trip and evade other shoppers before they got to your new pair of leopard print flats.

6. After the initial frenzy, after everyone suffered some sort of injury from shopping, the guilt would set in. Right around the time that credit card bills started coming in (just because you lost all control doesn’t mean that it’s guiltless spending).

7. We would all go bankrupt.

These are my predictions as to what would happen if we lost all control when it came to shopping. I suppose this isn’t too far off from what happens on Black Friday. A lady pepper sprayed another shopper during last year’s sales. That, my friends, took consumerism to a bold new level.

If I don’t learn how to curb my spending habits, I will turn into that lady with the pepper spray. No, I’d like to think that I would be able to come up with something more subtle than pepper spray. Maybe, I could learn pressure points and just make my adversaries pass out? Just kidding. In all seriousness, I’m going to learn to exercise self-control because I do NOT want to end up national television. I feel like that’s something that would haunt a gal through many office Christmas parties and, most importantly, Ryan Gosling will never love me if he sees me taking out girls for new shoes.

Image via EasyShoppingDirectory

Need more Giggles?
Like us on Facebook!

Want more Giggles?
Sign up for our newsletter!