This Week, the World is Going to Live Like a Cat

A picture of The Evil One.

My cat’s name is Sebastián.

My sister and I, drove to the outskirts of town in a crappy car, in the rain, to get him. I risked my life.

What did I get in return for giving Sebastián a loving home where he is well-cared for and treated like a king? Nothing. He is a mean kitty. That might be a bit of an exaggeration. A more appropriate adjective is probably “temperamental.” One moment he’s being a sweetie and, the next, I’ll have a monster clawing at my hand.

One of my life goals, was to have a fat, mean Siamese cat as a pet (a la Lady and the Tramp). In my mind, my cat was going to be a snob to everyone…except me. I was picturing a Lucifer (the cat from Cinderella) situation. It actually upsets me that  can’t I get Sebastián to do my bidding. Animals can act like people, right?

The Evil One is napping.

My cat is mean to everyone, that’s how he rolls. I thought that maybe it was a cat thing, but no, my friends’ cats are so nice! They will actively cuddle with their owners. Apparently, my cat is defective.  Assuming my cat is happy, he should be nice, right?

Which brings me to my point, how could someone living such a cushy life be so mean? If I lived like a cat, I would be in heaven. All I would do is: sleep, eat, go to the bathroom, eat and sleep some more.

I feel like being a cat is one of the most stress free lives possible (well, a cat living in Sebastián’s situation). Can you imagine  the World living the life of cat?

1. Well, nothing would ever get done. There’s only so much time in the day to fill out expense reports, and sleeping 15 hours a day doesn’t leave room for a lot.

2. Friends? What are these “friends” you speak of? Living like a cat would definitely cut down on socializing time.

3. I’m assuming that since everyone would be living like a cat we’d run out of necessary staples, like food, quickly. Farming takes up a lot of time.

4. Oh man, our sleep schedules would be so out of whack. Waking up at 4pm, FTW.

Obviously, there would be some unfortunate consequences to all of us living like cats. I, for one, don’t want to run out of food, but the first few months would be glorious. I might have to invest in a memory foam mattress (or a really awesome bed) to get the most out of my cat-like life, though.

Okay, well, maybe living like a cat would screw up my life. Bills do need to be paid after all, and it’s not a good idea to isolate yourself. I have an alternate solution: live like a cat one day a week. Besides, you know, being a temperamental little shit, Sebastián does seem to be relatively stress-free. That’s what I’m guessing because someone who’s stressed out doesn’t just let themselves drop wherever they please to take a mid-day nap (napping is the absolute best).

I want to be a cat (for a day). Who’s with me?! Also, does anyone else have a problem with a mean pet?

Images via Maria A. Hernandez