This Week, The World Is Giving Up On Beauty

Let’s talk about waxing.

Last week, I ripped some unsightly hair off my face using wax. The problem was that I’d forgotten how bad it hurts. Especially, when you’re working on your upper lip area (I’m not sure if I should be embarrassed about admitting to my mustache problem).

It was awful. I just sat there, (after the first few minutes of trying to rip the wax off my face), with my eyes watering (AKA crying). There’s no going back after you put that hot wax on. Literally, there is no way of taking it off without causing yourself pain. It’s not like you can re-melt the wax while it’s on your face and then wipe it off. Isn’t that a horrifying thought? At least with bleach you can wash it off and stop the (mild) pain.

While I was sitting there trying to convince myself to “just go for it” I thought about all the painful things women do for beauty. Sometimes, even washing your face sucks. Ever try some of the really concentrated cleansers that are like 10% benzoyl peroxide? It burns, not just your skin, but the inside of your nose. But since you don’t want acne, it’s worth it, sort of. Accutane is a nice treatment too. You get rid of acne forever, but you also get to have constant eczema for six or so months. Ooooh and what about those cuts that sting like there’s no tomorrow that you get from shaving? Delightful.  I just use wax on my face but, obviously, it’s used for lady bits as well, which is a thought that I can’t deal with. I know they use numbing creams or whatever, but damn, I am not willing to risk that pain.

Another good example are those liquid cleanse diets. I know that they’re supposed to be good for you and aren’t actually detrimental to your health (unless you go overboard, of course), but I’m not willing to go for an extended period of time without solid food. Food is one of the most exciting parts of my day.

Where am I going with all of this? Well, what if all of us stopped doing all these painful and unpleasant things to ourselves?

1. Cookies, cake, Panda Express, In-N-Out, ice cream, pizza pockets, apple turnovers and the list could go on and on. I like thinking of all the delicious things I could eat… if it wasn’t for the fact that they would clog my arteries. Screw being skinny, I just want to have a healthy heart and avoid diabetes.

2. Salons would not be thrilled if all of us stopped caring. Think of all the profits they would lose on mustache removal appointments (I can’t be the only one with this problem).

3. I, and you too, would save so much money. I spend way too much on stuff to keep myself presentable. I could spend the money I saved on this Marc Jacobs bag that I have my eye on.

4. Time-wise, can you imagine? I’m not advocating being unhygienic here, but what if all you had to do was the bare minimum to not be gross? I want to be cute, but that takes some effort. Effort that, sometimes, I’m not willing to put in.

Maybe it’s because I’m still feeling the sting of waxing, but my little incident made me reconsider my vanity. It’s a struggle about how far I’m willing to go and what will cause me the least amount of discomfort.

On a separate, but related, note: Did you guys know that Kim Kardashian lasered her hairline so that it would be even? I did not even know that was possible. When I found out, it made me think of Mean Girls when they’re all looking in the mirror and one of them (Gretchen Wieners?) is like, “My hairline is so weird.”

Image via Shutterstock