This Week, Let's Get IntrovertedMaria A Hernandez

DISCLAIMER: There’s a whole range of degrees of introversion. This article might not apply to you or anyone you know. This is in general terms and about some things that I’ve experienced. 

I’m a pretty introverted person. I spend a lot of time by myself and inside my head. Unfortunately, this can be a problem when I have to interact with big groups of people (like, I’d rather read Game of Thrones instead of going to a bar). It gets overwhelming, quickly. Mostly because I’m trying to keep up with what everyone is saying, and I forget to participate.

Introverted people, like myself, are told that they’re being shy (or awkward) a lot. It’s more of a situation where I like to pay attention to what everyone is saying and get caught up in thinking through it. Alternatively, I don’t know who I should be paying attention to. I’m busy thinking about everything that’s being said and it takes up all my focus.

I experience the world in a very internal way. It sounds odd, but all I mean is that I like to look at things and analyze them. It’s very much about an event’s impact on my personal world and my thoughts about it rather than external opinions.

My sister always tells me that I’m being awkward when we go out together. I don’t feel awkward, though (most of the time), unless it gets pointed out to me and then I start getting a case of social anxiety. In small groups or one-on-one, I do very well because I can keep track of what’s going on, but in bigger groups it becomes a little more difficult (let’s have a fangirling session because I exceed in those).

I’m sure that everyone has at least one friend, family member or acquaintance that is introverted. Here are some guidelines for the World to understand introverts:

1. Don’t tell them that they’re being shy or awkward. They probably don’t feel that way to begin with and pointing it out will be counterproductive.

2. I can assure you that they’re probably being quiet because they’re paying attention to what’s going on. They’re not angry or upset.

3. If you think that they’re being left out, then try to include them. By this I mean that you should try to create natural openings in the conversation where they can participate.

4. Maybe the introvert in your life goes off by him or herself for a while. Don’t get on them about it. There’s probably nothing wrong. The reason I do it, for example, is to recharge a little bit. Big groups tire me out.

5. A lot of introverts like being around people. More often than not though, we just enjoy doing things by ourselves. We’re not being anti-social.

If you’re extroverted, you don’t have to walk on eggshells around people who are introverted, but definitely try to understand that it’s a very different way of perceiving and participating in social activities. Quite simply, being introverted is another way of interacting with the world.

If you have any other suggestions or experiences, comment below!

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  1. Exactly! I hope a lot of people read this.

  2. this describes me so well, thanks for the great post!

  3. Thank you for writing this. I feel like so many people just try to “fix” me because I am introverted. I appreciate this so much :)

  4. I always thought I was an extrovert. I’m very outgoing and am always talking. BUT, I’ve always needed “me” time and being with a large group of people tires me the hell out. It’s just too overwhelming. I also have a few very close friends and no real “acquaintances.”

  5. Thank you for breaking this down. Your tips on dealing with an introvert are great. I have always been an introvert and I will not stop enjoying my life internally just because it makes others feel awkward.

  6. I read this somewhere, but apparently, most of the world is extroverted so that’s what creates a problem for introverted people because the rest of the world doesn’t get it. I’ve had the good ol’ “you seem very cold and stand-offish to people” thrown my way. It used to bother me a lot, especially in high school, but now it’s whatever. I am, who I am. Glad you guys liked the article! <3

  7. Sasha, I’ve had the same problem growing up. I’m always quiet in a big group and I don’t always reach out to people the way extroverts do and somehow people have taken that as being stuck up. I always laughed because in reality, it was always quite the opposite.

  8. Amen! I was just talking about how misunderstood introverts are the other day!

    Anonymous | 6/05/2012 07:06 am
  9. Wow…I literally just started reading “Self-Promotion for Introverts” by Nancy Ancowitz so I could better understand my introvert self and figure out how to be able to succeed in my career goals as well. So interesting!

  10. I too am a fellow introvert, except instead of coming off as shy, I somehow come off as bitchy which is upsetting..:(

    • This is definitely my problem. I think I’ve lost a few friends to a failure to understand that we perceive and react to the world in very different ways…

  11. What a great post! As an introverted extrovert (sounds like an oxymoron, but sums it up perfectly) I enjoyed having a good old nod along with this. I’d definitely prefer reading GoT to going to a bar!

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