Tilda Swinton is an alien. I’m not accusing her of being an unnaturalized foreign citizen – that is small change, pennies. I am saying that she was born on an unknown planet, and perhaps one day when she was skipping amongst the asteroids – whatever alien children do in their free time – she tripped and stumbled onto our humble blue planet.
I want to be clear: this is not an attack on her personality or acting abilities. She is a good actress! Too good, actually. Like, Michael Clayton was great but I think her best will be the upcoming tour-de-force performance in Eventual World Domination. It’s a working title.
I just flatly cannot understand everyone’s apparent nonchalance about this glaring truth. I don’t want to call every major world leader an idiot-dummy in front of their young children and in-laws, but I will do it if Tilda continues to masquerade as human without investigation.
Again: I don’t want to hurt her. I’m just asking for a CAT scan or something. She’s probably not the singular ground team on impending world doom by alien invasion, but WHAT IF? I really don’t think it’s too much to ask. There’s so much at stake.
Many people applaud her daring taste in fashion and bold androgynous look. I applaud her ability to adapt from an alien-society without a “gender” concept or synthetic fibers.
I cannot be more emphatic about this. Tilda Swinton is an alien. And that’s most likely okay. Many a non-believer has tried to quiet me, saying things like, “Oh, Ellie, I just Googled her Wikipedia and she’s actually from a great lineage of Anglo-Scots documented all the way back to the high middle ages, she can’t have just appeared from space,” or “shut up.”
And this is important: I won’t shut up! I feel passionately about this national security risk, and though I operate in the minority of this debate, my courage (or insanity, whatever) to speak out cannot be broken. I should hope that if you feel similarly about a topic – be it an alien celebrity or topics of equal importance, like the Egyptian revolution – you too will not back down.
Keep fighting the good fight! And once more, Tilda Swinton is an alien.
Photo via emmanueltjiya.wordpress.com
Feature Image via FanPop.com