Being a member of the employed demographic for 33% of my life – yes, I did calculate this – I’ve picked up a few things that have come in handy in the working environment.
1. Don’t dress as if you’re homeless.
This should be a given, but some days, it’s SO hard to try. Which is why I’ve realized that if I dress a little nicer than I really want to, I’m JUST meeting appearance expectations. Which is fine by me.
2. Don’t bring personal effects for your desk.
Bringing a picture of loved ones or bringing my super cool, now broken Han Solo mug just leads to awkward conversations. I hate “chit chat” and I am confident I’m not good at it, mostly because I don’t give a frak. So, I’ve learned to just seem like I have no life or interests in anything…
3. Don’t slouch.
This is probably one of the hardest things for me. Since I’m inevitably going to be like Quasimodo, it’s super hard to sit straight up. It just downright hurts to have good posture. Which I’m sure says a lot about how my humpback in progressing. But I’ve learned slouching just looks frumpy (better late than never, right?). So, even though I feel like a whore (I find it unnatural and a little too risqué for me to protrude my ta-tas out), I do it. I’m sure I look like a supermodel or maybe at least Mia from The Princess Diaries after the makeover montage – of course.
4. Don’t assume someone “can’t be serious”.
This is a mistake I’ve made way too many times. A recent example would be when my co-worker told me about how her dog loves to hear from her during the day. She said she calls her “to check in because it makes the dog not worry.” I brushed this off, because like I said I don’t show interest in hardly anything (it just leads to conversations), but then the best thing ever happened. She picked up the phone and had a legitimate (so she thinks) conversation with her dog. Now, I understand if you have an animal and you talk to it in person. I would even (MAYBE) understand if you haven’t seen your dog for a long period of time (I’m talking days) and you want the dog to recognize your voice. However, I can’t possibly understand calling your dog EVERY lunch hour and pretending it’s responding to what you’re saying.
Worker: Hey, girl! How are you doing today?
Dog?: ***Apparently can speak English***
Worker: Aw, that’s so great!
Anyway, I laughed when this happened. I thought, “She can’t be serious.” Well, she was and now things are a little icy between us.
5. Don’t goof off. When you’re at work… work.
DUH, right? Well, I KNOW that I should do this, but it’s so hard for me to reign my ADHD in for long periods of time. I’m better than I used to be, though.
*In high school, I worked in a movie theater. I rarely did anything that was in my job description. Instead, I begged for the job no one wanted – the usher. This meant I had to clean the theaters, bathrooms and hallways. Clearly, I didn’t do any of this. Instead, I turned off my walkie-talkie and would sneak into a movie and watch the entire thing. Then when the “suck up” ushers came in to clean, I would pretend I had already been ‘at it’ for awhile. I’d say things like, “Geesh guys, were you going to make me do this whole thing alone?” Let’s just say it took them over a year to figure out what I was doing and when they finally did, I did the only mature thing I could think of: I stopped showing up. Mature, right? Unfortunately, it was the only theater people went to in my town. So afterwards, I wore disguises when I wanted to see movies.
*In college, during breaks and summers, I worked as a hostess at my brother’s restaurant. I was horrible. I hated talking to people about when their table would be ready. So instead, I befriended the other boss and we would make tequila cosmos and gossip. It’s safe to say the other hostesses hated me. SUCKERS!
*In college freshman year, I worked at the assisted living home and I made friends with this awesome elderly lady, LouLou. So, when I wasn’t goofing off with a sorority sister (we worked together) in the kitchen, putting aluminum foil on our teeth for “grills” and learning how to dance “ghetto” with our co-workers, I would hang out with my new friend, LouLou. She was awesome. She was completely with it, her family just didn’t want the burden (awful people). But they did buy her a fancy big screen TV and almost every show/movie you could imagine. We watched a ton of movies together and she always had my back. If someone came in and asked what I’d been doing, Lou would say that she made me come in and help her with something. Again, awesome lady.
*Moving on to the longest job I’ve ever had, a Beatles-inspired diner. Man, I really do miss working there. That was by far the best college job anyone could have and honestly the best job, hands down, I’ve ever had. The manager was and still is a great friend of mine. I loved that we didn’t have to be necessarily “nice” to the customers. We just had to take orders correctly, bring customers food, and clean it up. Whatever else we wanted to do or how we wanted to do it was fine, or at least this is how I operated there. I remember many hungover mornings almost falling asleep until someone would tell me to get my table refills. Did I already mention it was the BEST JOB EVER?
*My current job is so different from my other jobs. I have to actually sit in one place for 8-12 hours a day. I get to produce/direct shoots but those are sporadic (I always think of Clueless and I’m forced to use this word). Instead, I mostly edit. I sit in front of my computer AT A DESK and just edit, up to 12 hours a day. But, I can’t force myself to just work the ENTIRE time. I can’t. It’s too hard and I need mini breaks or else I’ll lose it. But, I’m learning a lot here and I really do love this job.
I hope these help you in some way. If you have some more tips feel free to share with me since I’m obviously in need of a ‘Work-Catie’ sprucing up.
You can read more from Catie Foster on her blog.
Featured image via.
Yikes, don’t be so “negative” and “cynical” ladies, I was writing in jest. For those who “got it” – THANKS
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This is the greatest. Seriously, that story about the co-worker & her dog… Oh my goodness. Plus, the actual advice – it’s solid advice! I’m still in the slouching phase though…
I think this article is funny and every bit is true. If others don’t see the humor it’s their loss. Thanks for “being yourself” and not “someone else” and making me nod and laugh throughout. Here’s a lesson for some – “If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all.”
I liked this article and I agree with most of it. I have ADHD so bad, and my first job was also at a movie theater. Because of my ADHD, I don’t like watching movies or slacking off (too much sitting still), so I pretty much made everyone else feel like THEY were slacking when it came to getting stuff done because I was always moving unless I wasn’t allowed to. The only job I didn’t take seriously was a call center job where I was sitting down for 8 hours a day. It was mental torture. I don’t really like talking to people, either, but it’s because people are so demanding socially. If I say the wrong thing or don’t say enough (as I usually do), they instantly dislike you a little bit and things get awkward. It’s not fair.
I feel so bad that the first comment bashed your article. I loved it! I’ve also had those jobs that are so hard to take seriously throughout high school and college. It’s great that you finally have one you enjoy. Everyone does things differently. You’re probably still figuring it all out. :O)
I think this article is GREAT, and I appreciate HelloGiggles posting it… as I got quite a few giggles
And, maybe that’s who the author is, someone who doesn’t like chit-chat. As such, she is being herself at her desk, by thwarting attempts for mediocre conversation. Also, I think she hit on a lot of great points; such as, sitting up straight and finding a polite way of getting people not to waste your time chit-chatting. Very well written, in my personal, corporate lead point of view.
Honestly I have to agree with Sarah Hunter. This article seems more on the negative side. It’s fine and ok to be a good worker but I would go crazy at my current job if I didn’t associate with anyone, or have the photos of my loved ones. You can still keep your personal life outside of your job just simply by not talking about your outside life. I have managed to keep mostly everything out of my work at the job I’ve been at for 5 1/2 years. The only thing they know is I have a boyfriend and that’s about it. I still manage to be friendly and professional.
As for posture…having good posture at work is for your benefit, not anyone else. Keeping good posture prevents injury and any other health problems that could develop in the future. I always sit at my desk with my back straight without having to stick out my chest. It is quite possible to sit straight and have good posture without having to over exaggerate.
I feel that this article would be better executed if it focused on the more positive aspects of work and things like maybe at work you shouldn’t gossip or start crap with a fellow co-worker, how you shouldn’t surf the internet because a lot of employers now monitor your work, and how to have a healthy positive work attitude instead of bringing everything into work. How to create a healthy work space. I have a plant and photos to keep me from going crazy in my cubicle and how to deal with office bullies.
This isn’t a self-help article about how to function in the workplace. It’s supposed to be funny! She’s poking fun at herself and her past work experiences. When you look at it in that light, then it’s not negative.
This biggest thing that I run into with coworkers is whenever people play the blame game and have small cliques. Don’t be apart of a clique. They are extremely annoying and create backstabbing. I know we don’t have to like all of our coworkers or be friends with them, but keep the drama in your personal life. Also, what about when they finally find your Facebook and want you to add them as a friend. Then you have to hide everything from them. Blegh, it’s too much work.
I think it really depends on the kind of work environment that you’re in. One of my company’s values are “Have fun while being the best”, and that’s exactly what we do! I love my coworkers and welcome the chit chat that comes from someone swooning over my Hello Kitty gumball machine (yes!) or recognizing my alma mater’s mascot or my sorority letters. I would never want to work in an environment that I couldn’t truly be ME in. I guess I can see where the author is coming from since this may be from her own experiences. I agree with what Sarah stated above me, the negative and cynical tone is somewhat off putting.
This article is AMAZING! Talking to people is the worst. I really enjoyed reading this. Thank you.
This article is actually really misguided. I can’t believe this website published something with such a negative and cynical tone. As someone who has been in the workforce for just about half my life, I’d say the only useful points in this article are point #1 and point #3. Point #4 should just be common sense about life, and point #5 would be interesting if it were more than stories about how you’ve never taken your jobs seriously. (So why should someone take your advice?)
My real problem comes with point #2 and the idea that you shouldn’t be yourself, express yourself or develop relationships with other people at work. Avoiding conversing with your coworkers makes you look like a you think you’re superior and makes you look like you’re unfriendly and not a team player. This is NOT the impression you want to give people on the job, especially if you have any desire to advance in your career beyond entry-level worker bee positions. It really is a “who you know” world, and if you’re doing everything you can to avoid having conversations with people, you’ll never get to know ANYONE.
It’s never fun when people don’t understand when someone is being funny, not serious. The author not actually giving REAL advice to people about their employment situations.
The piece is hilarious.
I think she was being sarcastic